


A Bit Touched

by Seaward



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Cultural Differences, Identity Issues, Light Bondage, M/M, NaNoWriMo, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-23
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2018-03-08 16:48:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 50,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3216329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seaward/pseuds/Seaward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What were they hiding from him? All the touching and concern must mean something, but what could have happened in half an hour? Could Rodney have been attacked, mind controlled, taken into a virtual reality, or...</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Bit Touched

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks yet again to Elayna for reading and sending me feedback on the whole thing. (Of course, I then went back and "improved" it, so any remaining mistakes are mine.)

Air. He needed air.

A gasp sucked in water, and he was choking instead.

Rodney couldn't move, couldn't feel his body. His nerve endings tingled. Warmth surrounded him.

_Why was the water warm? Around him and when he tried to breath, how could he be drowning in warm water? How could he wonder about the temperature before worrying about drowning? About why he couldn't move?_

Rodney's mind raced with questions but found only darkness.

#

"Rodney! Rodney!"

Hands jabbed under his armpits. Strong arms yanked him out of warm water until he pressed against a solid body. He fell to the floor with that angular body pulling him, breaking his fall. Fingers dug into his shoulder and arm. Rodney lay on his side, wet clothes clinging and cooling. Someone's finger swept back into his mouth. The warmth of another face pressed close.

"Damn it, Rodney, breathe!"

Sheppard was shouting at him. Rodney flopped on his back as he was pushed. His face was held still by a warm hand on his forehead and another on his chin. A wet mouth pressed around his, forcing air where water had passed before. Some muscle in Rodney's chest spasmed, and he tried to breathe.

It hurt. Everything went black. Again.

#

Rodney woke to shuffling sounds and quiet clanking. That calmed him. These were sounds familiar from too many stays in the Atlantis infirmary. He wasn't in much pain, beyond a general ache and exhaustion, so the infirmary was a safe and comfortable place to wake.

He smelled the harsh chemicals used to clean, but also some vanilla and spice scent, like cookies or the lotion his sister Jeannie used when she was little. That seemed anomalous.

There was light beyond his eyelids, but Rodney wasn't ready to open them yet.

He heard a familiar voice. "You're exhausted, má lásko." That was Zelenka, but something about his tone seemed off.

"Did you find anything?" Beckett replied, sounding exhausted indeed, but not in any way that was unusual for the doctor.

"No, nothing to suggest self-inflicted…nothing that could create such electric current in the bathroom, unless the gene activated something in the wall…"

"I can't ask John to check."

Rodney wondered why not, and the use of John's first name seemed strange in context, but Rodney's brain was coming up to speed in a blur of ambiguous data. He wasn't ready to ask.

"He'll think of it himself at some point. Where is he? I thought he'd be here."

"The military contingent is conducting every sort of security sweep the Colonel can think up over the whole of Atlantis. I'm surprised he hasn't recruited you on the scanners."

Rodney let his eyes open halfway, determined to make sense of what he was hearing. Bright light caused his eyelids to flutter, as he tried to focus. Zelenka kept talking while his hand rubbed up and down Dr. Beckett's back. Beckett was in his uniform and white coat, but Zelenka wore jeans and a brown woolen sweater that Rodney didn't remember seeing before. The overall image of the two close together, with his best minion trying to comfort his physician, was surreal.

"We checked for power surges anywhere in the city and did not find unusual activity. Still, enough voltage to hurt a person wouldn't necessarily be enough to stand out in parts of the system."

Beckett bent his head sideways, leaning into Zelenka's shoulder. Rodney had never seen the doctor, original or clone, lean into someone that way. It made Rodney wonder if he was worse off than he thought.

"Am I dead yet?" Rodney asked.

"No. You do not say such things." Zelenka squeaked, in a tone that again sounded off to Rodney. Then the Czech gripped Rodney's leg just below the knee. Rodney shivered before he could stop himself.

Beckett pulled away from Zelenka's shoulder in the same instant and ran his hands across Rodney's shoulders and down his arms. His face turned serious and professional even as his hands lingered, keeping hold of Rodney's forearms. "What do you remember?"

"Nothing. Wait, I wasn't really dead or anything, was I?"

"John didn't think you were breathing when he pulled you from your bathtub, but you're fine now." Carson kept one hand on Rodney's arm even as he attacked Rodney's eyes with an annoying penlight device.

"How long was I without oxygen? Did it affect my brain?"

Rodney tried not to jerk away from Beckett's penlight as Zelenka asked, "What power increase would you expect from swapping a blue crystal in place of a green one?"

"Only a moron like Kavanaugh with less forethought than a day-old mayfly would try that, and he blew out power to half a lab when he did."

"You are fine."

"Being smarter than Kavanaugh is hardly reassuring."

"Both of you will have to wait with the science quiz. I am the medical doctor in this infirmary, and I'm still waiting for Rodney to tell me what he remembers."

"I remember Sheppard manhandling me out of the water and doing what I now realize must have been some primitive military attempt at rescue breathing." A myriad of thoughts on Sheppard's first aid qualifications and whether he should have risked moving Rodney flashed through his brain along with a much too detailed memory of Sheppard's mouth covering his. Rodney cast the string of thoughts aside as he was used to doing with his overactive mind.

"Aye, but we told you that. What do you remember from before?"

For a moment Rodney relived the panic of trying to breathe water. He couldn't feel or move his body. A machine beside him began to beep rapidly.

"Calm down, lad." Carson's palm came to rest gently on the side of Rodney's face. Intense eyes flicked to the beeping machine before meeting Rodney's. Rodney searched those eyes, seeing blue and green, and remembering when he'd looked a bit too long at those attentive eyes once when they'd stayed up late drinking back in Antarctica.

Rodney calmed down. The machine beeped slower and went silent. "I remember breathing in water, warm water."

"Do you remember how you came to be in the bathtub in full uniform and shoes?"

Rodney raised his eyebrows as his brain failed to find any memory or explanation that might explain such a thing. He shook his head, but rather than dislodging Beckett's hand, it led to a thumb stroking along his cheek above the stubble. The motion made Rodney feel like a small child. He couldn't remember anyone stroking his cheek that way before, in his childhood or since, but something deep inside him tightened in response.

"What's the last thing you remember before breathing in water?"

"Umm, I was in the lab?"

"You left at least half an hour before Sheppard found you." Zelenka tightened his grip where he still held Rodney's leg, and Rodney tensed realizing how constrained he was between the two of them.

Rodney tried to think, but the ache in his body seemed to be zeroing in on his head. Beckett must have known somehow, because he ran his fingers back into Rodney's hair and circled them in a soothing way.

"It's okay, Rodney. Whatever happened, we'll take care of you." He nodded to Zelenka who moved away and closed the curtain around Rodney's bed. "Now, lad, you know I care about you and that anything you say will be confidential outside a medical context."

"Oh, god. What have I got? What aren't you saying?" A monitor started beeping again as Rodney's words sped up in panic.

"Hush." Carson's hand slid to the back of Rodney's neck, and Rodney calmed despite himself.

_When had Carson learned that trick? What were they hiding from him? All the touching and concern must mean something extreme had happened. Zelenka was cozying up to Carson and had grabbed Rodney's leg in an almost intimate fashion. The two of them had talked about Sheppard being concerned and leading security sweeps. Zelenka had searched for an electrical anomaly and indicated Rodney had lost half an hour. What could have happened in half an hour? Could Rodney have been attacked, mind controlled, taken into a virtual reality or time dilation field for an interrogation that seemed to take forever and then was wiped from his memory?_

"Rodney." Carson still spoke calmly, massaging Rodney's neck. His other hand stroked Rodney's hair in a way that made him want to sleep or at least close his eyes. "Has anything been bothering you lately? Be honest with me. I want to help."

Rodney forced his eyes to stay open but couldn't quite face the worry in Carson's expression. "Why are you being so nice to me? All of this touching is freaking me out, and something else seems out of place, but I can't put my finger on it. Was there something about electricity?"

Carson didn't remove his hands, but they stopped moving. "Are you having an adverse reaction to touch?"

"I don't think so. Nothing unusual."

"Do you remember doing something with electricity?"

"Seriously? You know what my daily work entails? Pretty much anything I do or find worth doing involved electricity in one form or another."

"Aye, and you're usually careful not to let it hurt you."

Carson pulled back, and Rodney missed the feel of his hands. Then Carson's finger slid under Rodney's right hand, lifting it so Rodney could see white gauze wrapped loosely around his palm and fingers. "This was the entry point for an electric shock strong enough to knock you unconscious, with a solid bump to your head as you fell. You have an exit wound on your right heel. Do you remember anything about that?"

"In my bathroom?"

Rodney tried to remember or reconstruct what had happened to land him in the infirmary, but he came up blank. He shook his head.

"We don't know. If you start remembering, or if there's anything at all you want to talk about, you call me. Understood?"

"If you give me the details and bring me a computer, I'm much more likely to find something worth telling."

"You need to rest," Carson said firmly, still cradling Rodney's hand.

Rodney tried to flex his fingers, and it hurt. He wondered if there were blisters or peeling skin under the bandages and decided he didn't want to know. "Well, obviously I won't be typing with that hand in the near future, but I'm still perfectly capable—"

"Rodney, it's the middle of the night, time for all good scientists to be asleep. Besides, I'm your doctor, and sleep is what I'm prescribing."

With that Carson left, and Rodney had nothing but the white curtain around his bed to stare at. He fell asleep to the hums and whirs of infirmary machines with the unsettled feeling that he was missing something.

#

Someone must have notified Teyla when he woke in the morning. Beckett had barely finished checking Rodney over when Teyla appeared with an impressive breakfast tray. Rodney couldn't take his eyes off the food when she set it aside and leaned forward to touch foreheads with him as she gracefully rested her hands on his arms. Rodney knew it for another sign that people had been extremely worried, because Teyla usually saved that sort of thing for emotionally charged moments, like recovery from near death experiences.

She hesitated a moment after, as if watching him for some response. Rodney didn't know what she was waiting for and started reaching for the food. It seemed to have most of his favorites, the not so grainy pancakes and the bacon that came closest to what he'd grown up with in Canada. Teyla intercepted his awkward reach from the bed and helped swing the bedside table over his lap to position the tray.

He took a deep breath, mostly smelling the honey-like syrup that puddled across his plate, before asking hopefully, "Coffee?"

Teyla smiled in that evil way of hers and said, "Carson insisted you could only have water and juice. The only juice this morning was from the Borrelian melons that you dislike, so I brought you water."

Rodney gazed sadly at the water while he devoured his pancakes and bacon and thought up pro-coffee arguments with which to berate Beckett.

#

Mid-morning, Rodney completed a long visit to the Ancient scanner and asked Beckett, "Now can I get back to work?"

"Back to bed. You'll be here where I can keep an eye on you for the rest of the day."

"But I'm fine, and the city might explode at any moment due to the critical work you are keeping me from doing or correcting."

Beckett rested a hand under Rodney's arm even though he'd had no trouble with walking or balance so long as he kept his right heel from touching the floor. "Radek will let us both know if something critical comes up. Meanwhile, we'll monitor your heart, breathing, immune system, and that brain you keep insisting is so valuable to us all."

"Dr. Beckett, I see our esteemed chief science officer is brightening your day." Woolsey reached out to pat Beckett's shoulder as he spoke. Then when Rodney made it back onto his infirmary bed Woolsey stood close beside him, placed his hand firmly on Rodney's shoulder, and kept it there. "You gave everyone quite a scare last night."

"Well, I'm fine now, and I'm sure you'll see it's in everyone's best interests for me to get back to work. Beckett won't even allow me a laptop."

"There, there." Woolsey patted Rodney in what was at best a fatherly way, and Rodney felt his throat tighten at the creepy familiarity. "Can you tell me anything about your activities from when you left Dr. Zelenka in the main physics lab last night until Colonel Sheppard found you unconscious in your bathtub approximately half an hour later?"

Rodney shrugged, hoping to dislodge Woolsey's hand. It didn't work. "Well, I don't remember anything, but perhaps if I had access to computer systems—"

Woolsey stroked his hand up and down Rodney's arm, and Rodney lost his train of thought as he stared open-mouthed. "You've been here longer than I have, Dr. McKay. And I know I've been duped a few times by strange goings on in the Pegasus Galaxy. Given the semi-independent status under which we returned from Earth, we can't risk having any member of our command staff compromised. Until we understand what happened to you, I fully support Carson's decision to keep you under observation."

With that pronouncement Woolsey was patting Carson's shoulder again, and Rodney wondered when the two of them had grown so close.

#

Ronon appeared with a lunch tray precisely two minutes before Rodney decided he'd tear off all his monitoring equipment if he wasn't provided with something to do.

"That better be for me."

"Yeah." Ronon shrugged as he set the tray in front of Rodney. When Rodney attacked his legumes smothered in something red, Ronon stole one of his two rolls. Rodney attempted to block with his fork and ended up splattering the red sauce across the blue Jello on the side of his tray. Conceding defeat over the first roll, Rodney pulled his second roll and his Jello to where he could protect them with his left hand.

"Huh," Ronon said.

"Huh, what?" Rodney asked around the food in his mouth.

"Teyla's right."

"Did she tell you to bring me lunch?"

"No, she said you didn't greet her this morning."

"We did the head touch thing."

"No, the shoulder thing. You didn't do it now either."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I would ask you to go away and take your laconic, under-explained brand of conversation elsewhere, except I am bored beyond endurance. Any chance you could bring me a laptop?"

"No."

"Chocolate pudding?"

"Why should I?"

"Because it will give you a chance to grab more food for yourself as well."

Ronon nodded and left.

#

Rodney must have fallen asleep sometime in the middle of his most boring afternoon ever, because when he woke someone was holding his hand and blowing on his forehead.

The astringent smells and muffled sounds told him he was still in the infirmary, so he felt safe opening his eyes.

"What are you doing?" He asked Sheppard, whose lips were still pursed together to blow on Rodney's face from just a few inches away.

"You got your hair cut. I was conducting tests of its new aerodynamics. Ready to break out of this joint?"

"Are you kidding? I'd almost given up hope of rescue and was planning my own escape."

John's hand squeezed his tightly, not at all matching the flyboy's flip tone as he said, "And your plan began with a nap?"

"Lulling the staff into complacency."

"Right. I brought some of your clothes." Sheppard held out a faded pair of jeans that Rodney hadn't worn since Earth and a long sleeved burgundy shirt that he was sure he'd never seen. Still, anything was better than scrubs when trying to escape.

Rodney started pulling off the scrub top, and Sheppard released his hand to help. When Sheppard helped pull the long sleeved shirt on, Rodney discovered two things. The shirt was softer than anything he'd ever owned (and if he hadn't owned it before, he certainly wanted to keep it now). Also, John's fingers trailing against bare skin as he pulled the hem of the shirt down sent all of Rodney's nerve endings into overdrive. He shucked his scrub bottoms and pulled the jeans over his briefs as fast as possible just to avoid any more hands on help than he could handle. It turned out that was probably a good plan, because John lifted Rodney's left foot to slide a sock on and clutched Rodney's ankle before maneuvering him into a shoe. His right foot only rated a sock, to avoid pressure on his exit wound.

When Rodney looked down and John winked up at him, Rodney's mind went into overdrive spawning virtual reality and alternate universe scenarios. This was not the way John Sheppard acted. If he had, Rodney would have made a pass at him back in Antarctica, or at least when Don't Ask Don't Tell was finally repealed after Atlantis returned to Pegasus.

Being a dedicated scientist and having learned well from Star Trek Next Gen, Rodney set out to test the hypothesis that if there was nothing wrong with him, there must be something wrong with the universe.

As he followed Sheppard out of the infirmary and toward the mess hall, he decided to test for hallucinations like those on the mist planet by wishing for a hot fudge sundae. When the dessert offered turned out to be cheesecake, he was both disappointed and reassured.

Sitting in the mess hall with Sheppard, Rodney watched how those who'd come for an early dinner seemed to be in surprisingly high spirits. There was an amazing amount of jostling and hair mussing at a large table of marines. A mixed group of botanists and anthropologists all leaned in close over their food, with several pressing knees together or touching each others' hands or arms to draw attention in a lively but hushed conversation.

Rodney tried to think if any holiday, Earth or Athosian, was imminent, but all he could remember was a series of musical performances planned for the new auditorium that Lorne had found. Rodney didn't think that would be enough to affect overall morale even in the cultural wasteland of Atlantis, but he figured it made a fine test for an alternate universe.

He asked Sheppard, "Is Lorne helping plan whatever recital they've set up in the new auditorium?"

John looked at him funny, but said, "Day after tomorrow. Do you want to go?"

That matched what Rodney had known before. "If Beckett doesn't let me get back to work by then, it may be all that stands between me and chronic ennui."

"You doubt my ability to keep you entertained?" Sheppard smirked in a way Rodney was sure the man used to charm alien priestesses.

"Another minute in the infirmary today and my head would have exploded."

"During or after your afternoon nap?"

"The nap itself proves my brain was shutting down. Collapsing inward until it reached the density of an atomic nucleus, at which point it would rebound and explode…" Rodney had no problem distracting Sheppard with his supernova analogy as he watched Parrish join the group of botanists and anthropologist. Parrish casually touched two people on the shoulder as he approached and they reached up to pat his arm, perhaps not able to reach the tall man's shoulder from their seated positions.

Rodney shifted his attention to the buffet line and saw the female marine who next joined the line greet the nurse in front of her with a very similar shoulder touch followed by a gentle squeeze. Rodney remembered Ronon's comment earlier about not greeting him or Teyla with a shoulder touch. He wondered if he could have found an alternate universe where everything stayed the same down to a recital schedule, but everyone on Atlantis, or perhaps everyone from Earth, used a shoulder touch as their standard greeting. Of course he knew the answer, that in an infinite set, all combinations would occur. If any human mind could deal with the implications of infinite sets, then Rodney's could.

At that point, Ronon joined them, setting his tray next to John's. Sure enough, John reached out to squeeze Ronon's shoulder, a fairly prolonged touch, which Ronon returned in kind. Rodney wondered why John reached up to initiate the greeting when Parrish had reached down to those he joined for dinner. As Rodney's mind filled with combinatorial alternatives involving rank, context, and nationality, part of his soul withered in fear that he'd have to become an anthropologist to pass as himself here.

Of course, an alternate Rodney in such a similar universe might share Rodney's reputation for aberrant social skills. And he'd already dodged any issues with Sheppard over his hair cut or the unfamiliar shirt. The real question was whether he should voice his suspicions to his team, at least this alternate team, or if he should keep quiet and collect more data.

At that point Woolsey joined the food line, gripping the shoulder of each person he spoke to. Rodney remembered that he wouldn't be given access to any computer systems if Woolsey thought him compromised, so Rodney decided to keep his discoveries to himself for the time being.

#

Returning to his room after dinner, no fewer than three scientists stopped to hug Rodney in the hall. Many others, including military men Rodney was sure he'd never spoken to, reached out to touch his shoulder or upper arm.

When the door to his quarters finally shut behind him, Sheppard was still by his side, arms brushing as they stopped. Rodney looked around and was amazed at how similar the room looked to what he remembered from the morning before. Journals were stacked high to one side of his desk, loose papers and drawings blanketed the rest. Two laptops were missing, but he wouldn't be surprised if Dr. Beckett had ordered someone to remove them to prevent Rodney from working too hard. His bookshelves held the same books in the same exact order, although some of the Alien knickknacks and partially disassembled devices were missing. His bed was neater than he usually left it and had two pillows instead of one.

Just as Rodney spotted the first significant change, John pulled him into a hug, pressing Rodney's face sideways onto Sheppard's shoulder. But Rodney kept his eyes on the new picture he'd spotted beside his bed. Next to the usual picture of his cat was a snapshot of Rodney leaning against Sheppard at what had to be an Athosian festival, their arms looped around each other's backs. It didn't prove they were in a relationship, but something in the body language definitely suggested it. Combined with Sheppard's behavior in the infirmary and what was now a prolonged hug by any standards, Rodney thought he knew what he was getting into.

"So are you freaking out or is there some symptom like tingling or numbness that we should tell Carson about?"

Rodney knew he didn't lie well, but he'd long ago learned to bulldoze his way through situations by using the parts of the truth that he was willing to share. He patted Sheppard's side and pulled back. "I am not freaking out, and we are not calling Carson. I just need a little time to adjust. People are reacting to me in ways I can't fully interpret. I don't know what they've heard. Today was strange, with being trapped in the infirmary and not allowed to work. If I don’t feel quite myself, I don't know if that's from whatever happened in that half an hour last night or something with my heart or brain from my supposed electrocution. Heck, it could be Carson's voodoo or something he gave me in the infirmary or something I swallowed in the water."

Sheppard reached out to clasp both of Rodney's forearms, and having his arms stilled that way silenced Rodney. People often commented on how much he used his arms to talk. Rodney never noticed, but hated having someone stop him, someone who seemed to think nothing of it in a situation where Rodney was worried that complaining about the presumption would blow his cover.

Then John leaned forward and kissed him. It was a gentle brush of lips, once, twice. John's lips were warm and soft, and maybe there was some residual damage from the electric shock, because it felt like electricity was racing through Rodney's body. "John." Rodney didn't know why, but he needed to say something. Evidently that something was to call John by his first name. In an instant Rodney's mind was flooded with images of what might happen that night if John really was Rodney's lover.

Rodney had known he was bisexual before he knew there was a word for it. He'd never been one to judge based on appearances or what others took for granted. So even when he was eight or nine and not quite sure if he was truly interested in sex or found the entire concept too icky, he was pretty sure the other person being male or female wouldn't matter much, if it turned out he did like sex.

It turned out he did like sex.

By most standards, at least geeky scientist standards, Rodney had gotten a fair amount of sex in his life, with a lot of different people, many of them guys. Some of the sex had seemed pretty good at the time, and he liked to pride himself on his attention to detail and giving as good as he got. But other than his relationship with Jennifer, which had ended rather spectacularly while Atlantis was parked on Earth, Rodney had never had sex more than a handful of times with the same person. He'd never had a "couple" picture on his nightstand before. Most of his recent years in Atlantis and with the US military, he'd avoided even casual sex, especially with men, because the community was too small and the social structure didn't favor the sort of hook ups he'd thrived on in college and at conferences. (It always amazed Rodney how many people would throw themselves at him because he was reputed to have the highest IQ on the planet or be the greatest mind of his generation. There were even people who fell into bed with him after he ripped their papers and theories to shreds. Rodney thought that kind of sex was hot, and the first twenty or thirty times it happened, it never occurred to him to say "no.")

Sex with John Sheppard was a different matter. The man was practically a wet dream with cowlicks. Standing in front of Rodney in the expedition's most recent, all black uniform, there was no reason the man should look that hot. Rodney hardly ever thought of his own Sheppard that way, and the uniforms were identical. When he'd fantasized about alternate universe versions of people, some of Sheppard, he'd imagined them with leather jackets and cyberpunk haircuts. His own alternate had at least looked that much different. Instead the version of John in front of him, the John who'd just kissed him and probably planned to do a whole lot more if Rodney was lucky, looked just like the John Sheppard he knew and trusted and would do anything for.

Most likely, Jennifer would have told him why he shouldn't have sex with this version of John. But Rodney thought his Sheppard and most of their friends would understand. No one would expect Rodney to turn down a chance to have sex with someone whose smirk and shoulders and sinuous way of walking were exactly like his best friend but in a universe where they were already involved.

"Whatever's going on in that brain of yours still looks a lot like freaking out."

"Yes, well, let me clean up a bit and—"

Rodney froze in his bathroom doorway. While the fixtures were all in the same places, this room wasn't nearly so identical to his bathroom back home. Hanging beside his tub/shower enclosure he saw a bright blue poufy scrubber, something he'd bet was a Pegasus version of a loofah, a terry cloth mitten, and a half meter wooden implement with bristles on one side and knobby protrusions on the other. The counter by the sink had neither his toothbrush nor razor cast adrift. Instead a translucent plastic box covered half the counter and appeared to have numerous tiny compartments inside, most of which held strange bars of soup, chalky round balls, and jars of who knew what. He finally spotted his toothbrush popping out of a vertical holder on the back of the box.

In the few seconds it took Rodney to process the changes, John pressed up behind him and looped an arm around his waist. "It's okay. Did you remember something?"

"No, no, I'm fine. I mean, I sort of remember you pulling me out of the tub, but no flashbacks or anything. Nothing's going to stop me from taking a shower and brushing my teeth."

"Um."

"What? Are you going to insist on accompanying me into the shower?"

John rubbed a warm circle on Rodney's stomach, and Rodney couldn't help but tense, because it felt so strange, even if they were supposed to be lovers. John stopped his motion in response but didn't remove his hand. "Normally, I'd love to follow you into the shower, and we could easily protect your hand, but aren't you worried about infecting the sore on your foot?"

Rodney huffed out a sigh. "Strange as this day's been, I'd sort of forgotten about it. I mean, I've gotten used to walking on the ball and toes of my right foot. It doesn't really hurt, and I haven't actually seen the damage. I guess I could take a bath and keep my right hand and right foot out." At that, Rodney felt John's body tense behind him. "Oh my god, you're worried about me."

In an instant John's grip shifted and Rodney found himself turned around to look directly into narrowed eyes so close that their noses nearly touched. When John spoke, Rodney could feel each word hit his face and even smell the garlic from their dinner. "I saw you drowned in that bathtub." John's fingers dug into Rodney's upper arms. "I made both scientists and military scour this room to find out what happened to you. They didn't find anything and you don't remember."

"John." With just that word, John's fingers relaxed. "I understand that you're entitled to freak out, too. And I wish I could remember. But seriously, if you've done all that, then this bathroom is probably the safest place on Atlantis."

John's intense stare broke as his eyes flicked over to the bathtub. Still, he didn't seem convinced.

"Look, I don't really want to deal with a bath or keeping my heel dry and all that. I'll just sponge off with a washcloth and call it a day."

All at once John's stance changed to his usual boneless flyboy grace. He blinked twice and with a smirk said, "Let me help you with that."

Then John was pulling the soft burgundy shirt up Rodney's torso, over his head, and off his arms. Rodney could feel his nipples tighten under the smooth slide of cloth, but John matter of factly pulled on the bath mitt that had hung over the tub. He wet it and brushed across it with a bar of soap from the crazy translucent container. "This Alonian stuff won't matter if we don't get it all rinsed off. I could even give you a massage afterward with some Alonian oil, if you're up for that."

The scrub of John's hand surrounded by terry cloth seemed rough after the softness of the shirt, but as he moved back and forth across Rodney's shoulders and chest, the terry started to feel smooth and caressing. Rodney couldn't stifle a gasp when John first brushed a nipple.

"God, I love your nipples." John kissed his neck, but it was just a quick peck as John continued the gentle sponge bath. "I'll have to control myself though. Carson said we should let your heart and lungs rest for at least twenty-four hours. He gave me a look that made his meaning more than clear."

Rodney felt a stab of disappointment but muscles he hadn't meant to tense seemed to relax a little, too. "You didn't really sneak me out of the infirmary, did you?"

John tilted his head in that "aw shucks" way he used for trade negotiations. His hand moved to scrub large circles on Rodney's back. "You know the mess hall is the first place he would have looked. But as you said, your head was about to explode in the infirmary, and I bet that's tough on your heart and lungs."

"Not a medically preferred way to lower blood pressure."

"Take off your pants." John said it casually after his bath mitt had covered all the area above Rodney's waistband. He even turned away to rinse and reload the mitt.

A wave of panic crashed through Rodney. Deciding to have sex with John was one thing, but he didn't think he could stand still for John to wash his lower body.

"How about if I take care of the rest? I'm starting to feel like an invalid here."

John was silent as he finished setting up the bath mitt. When he turned back to Rodney, his mouth twitched and his eyes darted from side to side.

"It's not some dominance trip, I promise. It just helps to see you're all right."

"Carson checked me beyond any rationale of science. I came up clean on tests I didn't even know our infirmary offered."

"I know, but you've been sort of touch averse, which can signal lots of bad things."

Rodney wasn't sure what reaction showed on his face, but John hurried on.

"I'm not complaining. I get that you feel whatever you feel. I guess I was just reassuring myself."

Rodney reached out to stroke John's arm, hoping the gesture wouldn't seem forced. "I understand, but maybe I need a few moments on my own."

John met his eyes then, and the intensity had Rodney tightening his grip on John's arm without thinking.

"Could we leave the bathroom door open just a little?" John asked.

"So you don't have to worry about alien devices sprouting from the walls to have their wicked way with me?"

Rodney knew from John's forced smile that the man must have considered some bizarre possibilities as he oversaw the inspections of Rodney's bathroom. To John's credit, he ducked out leaving the bathroom door only a couple of inches ajar.

Rodney stripped the rest of the way, relieved himself, and used the bath mitt to wash the rest of his body. The he rinsed the mitt and went over every inch of skin again with plain water, not sure what he thought about Alonian soap residue. After he dried, he pulled his clothes back on and brushed his teeth.

Walking out of the bathroom, Rodney suggested, "You want to wash off?" He was relieved when John took his turn, because it gave Rodney a chance to change into a clean shirt and shorts before climbing into bed. His prescription mattress and 600 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets were welcoming and familiar, and Rodney pulled the covers all the way over his head as he often did after particularly trying days.

For a moment, everything was safe and familiar.

Then the mattress dipped and John was petting Rodney's hair and head from the other side of the sheet and blanket. "Hey, hey."

"What are you doing?" Rodney asked.

"Uh, comforting you?" John shifted around and ducked in behind Rodney, naked and under the covers. He started petting Rodney's hair and the edges of his face again. "When you cover your head like that you're trying to comfort yourself, but you relax better when I do it."

Rodney shivered, wanting to deny that he'd relax better. Something about the petting defeated him. The part of his brain that wanted to rant about presumption and confusion and discomfort lost steam as all systems began to shut down. His scalp and skin were greedy and wanted to press into the touch. He couldn't think straight.

"Anything I should know?" John asked.

Rodney's cock twitched at the sound of John's voice but in a very mellow, giving notice for later, kind of way. Rodney wondered if this John was always so tender with him or if this was a temporary reaction to rescuing him from drowning. There were many questions Rodney wanted to ask, but he couldn't think of anything safe to say.

John's touch confused him and made words hard to organize. There was a buzz almost like the good drugs in the infirmary that seemed to radiate from John's stroking hand. As Rodney's skin cried out for more and more touch his cock hardened a little, but what he felt wasn't the sexual frustration he'd known before. It was a whole other level of frustration that Rodney didn't know how to name or satisfy. He let himself sink into the sensations and somewhere along the way his brain faded into sleep.

#

He woke to find himself facing John. He was rubbing his face into John's chest. Oh. His legs were intertwined with John's and their morning erections were rubbing together. If Rodney was honest, he seemed to be doing more than half of the rubbing. When his brain crossed some invisible line into consciousness, he stopped.

"Are you really awake now?" John sounded amused.

Rodney nodded against John's chest wishing his mind would come up to speed so he could talk.

John's arm moved from somewhere around Rodney's waist to slide in between the two of them. He trailed a single finger up the length of Rodney's erection. "I guess we're past twenty-four hours, but maybe we should avoid anything too athletic. Wanna let me take care of this?"

Rodney groaned. He would blame that sound on not having had any coffee in twenty-four hours.

"One word. Actually say, 'yes.' After the last day, I don't want anything dubious about this."

Rodney thrust against John and mumbled out "yes" without even opening his eyes. Right then, he would have said yes to anything John asked. When John's hand wrapped around both their cocks at once, Rodney found himself saying "yes, yes, yes" as he thrust and squirmed.

Without letting go, John shifted positions until Rodney was on his back and John was above him nibbling up the tendon from Rodney's shoulder to his neck. It was amazing. Rodney didn't remember anyone doing that to him before. He knew John was trying for some sort of rhythm down below, but Rodney shivered and squirmed, only kept in check where John pressed against him. His nerve endings went on overdrive to the point that he didn't want to see or think or in any way divide his attention.

Then he was coming, and moaning. John gasped and came too, somehow still holding their cocks together and stroking to prolong their orgasms.

When Rodney collapsed into a mindless puddle, John stayed above him, some of his weight supported by his own arms however they were braced. John's lips continued to work along Rodney's neck until the nuzzling resolved into small kisses tracing up to his ear. Then John covered his face with light, barely there kisses.

Rodney wanted it all. He wanted to burrow under John's skin. Words still eluded him, but something was happening that had never happened to him before. He had a brief flash of empathy wondering if maybe this was what Jennifer had wanted when he thought she was clingy after sex, but he shied away from thinking about that while he was in bed with John. All of his focus needed to be on John, on whatever John was doing to him, because Rodney didn't know if he'd ever have anything like it again.

He lay stunned and breathing hard as John kissed his way down Rodney's body, pausing to clean them both with Rodney's shorts. Rodney wasn't sure when they'd been removed and vaguely remember going to sleep in a tee shirt as well. But then John was lying beside him, an arm and leg draped across him, and Rodney was glad to be skin to skin.

For a long while Rodney drifted between sleep and wakefulness. He thought John did the same as John would occasionally circle his hand or tighten his arm and then go still for a minute or more.

When John finally pulled away, Rodney had to swallow a whine in his throat.

"Stay there. I'll get something to clean up."

Rodney didn't even consider moving until he felt the covers pull back and what had to be that bath mitt from the night before once again scrubbing his chest. He felt the edge of panic that John was going to try to wash him everywhere, that Rodney was lying naked and exposed and it wasn't just about sex anymore. Somehow it felt wrong to let John touch him so intimately when orgasm wasn't the goal.

It took a while for Rodney to identify what troubled him as a sense of shame. Then finally his brain kicked in to ask why he would be ashamed now when he hadn't been before, and Rodney argued with himself that sex wasn't something to be ashamed of. That opened up the question of why being bathed or touched outside of sex should make Rodney feel that way. And suddenly Rodney, who had never been a big fan of shame and the situations that caused it, decided he'd never agreed to be ashamed of such things. It might take his emotions a while to catch up with his light bulb moment, but he'd been through that in high school when the jocks called him all manner of names. He was a genius and was confident his logic would win out in time.

Still, he kept his eyes closed, hoping that would make it easier for his emotions to catch up to his logic.

When he focused in on what John was doing to his body, it felt good. The bath mitt rubbed with enough texture to make his skin react to each stroke. John brushed carefully where there was more hair on Rodney's chest and groin. While he barely touched Rodney's still over-sensitive cock, he spent a lot of time on the sweaty, hairy areas around it. Nothing was going to make Rodney hard again so soon, but there was a warm pooling sensation that made Rodney want to thrust up. He kept still and tried to memorize the sensation while tuning out the conflicting emotions in his brain. Then John was washing his inner thighs and Rodney wanted to purr.

When John reached Rodney's feet, he skipped over the bandaged heel. "I'm sure Carson will want to check on that soon. Maybe you can ask if it's okay to take a shower later. Now roll to your front so I can do your other side."

Rodney did as he was told, burying his face in the cool pillow next to him that smelled like John. As Rodney listened to John rinse and shift things in the bathroom, he inhaled the scent of John and John's hair. It surprised him that he recognized the scent. He knew the John in his universe smelled the same, even if Rodney had never before consciously noticed how John smelled.

When John returned to wash Rodney's back and the backs of his arms and legs, Rodney eased past most of his previous freak out. The way John touched him was right on some level he'd never known before. He wanted to be able to give as much back to John, and he felt he'd been missing something important to have never known about this before. Then John started massaging Rodney's back with oil that smelled like the soap he'd used on the mitt, and Rodney wanted to live in that moment forever.

#

Upon waking, Rodney's first thought was that he shouldn't have fallen asleep and missed part of what John had given him. His second thought was that his back didn't hurt, and it had always hurt before.

When he managed to open his eyes and look around, he found John sitting at his desk reading one of his physics journals. John looked like he'd showered and shaved. His uniform was clean, and Rodney wondered if he kept spare clothes in Rodney's room or if he'd gone away to get some.

"I set out your uniform but couldn't stand to wake you. If you're quick, we'll still make it in time for a warm breakfast."

Rodney sat up, facing away from John, but refusing to be more body shy than that. Pulling on his uniform was a completely new experience without the usual soreness in his back and shoulders. Even if he wasn't known for compliments, Rodney thought he really had to say something to recognize that moment. "My back feels great."

"No problem."

Rodney realized he still wouldn't win any prizes as a boyfriend, and he totally owed John in both sex and touch, but he didn't think he could do any better at the moment. "I'll just go brush my teeth and shave."

John grunted, and Rodney went about his business. Unfortunately, he could not find his razor anywhere. The toothbrush had been easy, standing in plain sight, but Rodney figured it was safer to ask John where his razor was than to search the bathroom with the door ajar and John probably tuned to his every movement.

"John, do you know if someone moved my razor?"

John came in and peeked at the back of the box, where there were empty vertical compartments next to Rodney's toothbrush. "Huh, sorry 'bout that. I'll get mine."

In a moment John was back with a black canvas bag retrieved from a drawer at the bottom of Rodney's dresser. He opened it to reveal an assortment of supplies almost as elaborate at those in the crazy plastic organizer by Rodney's sink. Then he handed over a razor and shaving lotion and Rodney got the job done before they hurried off to breakfast.

#

Later in the morning, Rodney had been handed off to Beckett and then to Zelenka (both of whom looked at Rodney funny if he addressed them by last name, so he switched to always using Carson and Radek). Radek insisted that he and Rodney spend the day dissecting food storage machines in a dining hub they'd discovered shortly after returning to Pegasus. It had dropped to a low priority because the machines had been flooded and were still offline and unpowered. But John had made some of his minions clean them as a punishment detail. Rodney viewed the task as more worth their time than cleaning toilets with toothbrushes, or whatever soldiers usually did on punishment details. He just hoped the Neanderthals hadn't broken anything important.

Once he'd squirmed halfway underneath a central console he called out, "Radek, come see this."

"Am busy."

"No, seriously. This is more important."

"With you, whatever you do is most important. Always."

But he felt Radek's hand on his knee as he lowered himself to the floor. Then Radek brushed against his side as he slid in beside Rodney, ending up shoulder to shoulder in the tight space. It was all so normal that Rodney had forgotten how much everyone else touched each other in what he hypothesized was an alternate universe. Only now he realized, his Radek had always been free about touching Rodney and pushing into his space. They'd sometimes spent hours pushed up against each other, but after a few fantasies back in Antarctica, Rodney had stopped noticing.

"Are you thinking that—" Zelenka began.

"Most Wraith technology is based on Ancient tech—"

"Is no sign the Ancients used it elsewhere—"

"Not even a beaming device in the shuttles—"

"Perhaps some drawback to repeated human use—"

"Like Cadman, me, remember?" Rodney started to gesture but hit metal and Radek.

"Ano, do not give that rant again. My poor Carson."

"Carson? What about me?"

"You said it wasn't you. Was Laura."

"In my body."

"Like you hadn't kissed him before."

"What? Uh…" Rodney flashed on images of Radek and Carson in the infirmary, put two and two together, and wondered when the before had been. _Could Rodney in this universe have been in a position to kiss Carson sometime before Carson got involved with Radek and Rodney got John?_ His overactive brain ran away with images, but Rodney tried to redirect the conversation. "You think the military grunts will care if their pancakes are culled ahead of time and rematerialized on their plates?"

"Is not culling unless you only take some of them."

Rodney waved a hand at the superfluous semantic argument and stubbed a finger in the tight space. "The Wraith beams specifically take humans, but with this, you could set transporter beams to pancakes. If you can selectively rematerialize, you could request your salad without mushrooms. I could program out citrus!"

"Is good."

"That's all? You're the one who wanted to work on this. And don't think I missed that we're away from the labs, with no networked computer access." Rodney thought back to his missing razor and the fact he hadn't been left alone for even a minute since he'd lost half an hour from his memory.

"So is this some kind of suicide watch or just to test if I'm compromised? There must be more important work to do, so how'd you get stuck babysitting me?"

"Is not babysitting. They could not pay me enough. You are on limited duty by Carson's orders. I am with you because I am one of few people in Atlantis who can keep my temper to possibly keep your temper in check. Whether or not you are compromised is unknown. You collect your data. I collect mine. Until then, is safer to work on non-essential system. Do you not agree?"

Rodney more than agreed. He appreciated the directness of Radek's answers. "Fine, if we're going to do this, pass me the crystal wrench. You patch the wires, and let's play twenty questions to see what I remember. Maybe later you can print out some math or physics problems that I've solved recently or that you think would challenge me, and we'll see if that part of my brain is fully recovered."

"Okay, but questions must not violate security."

"Of course. You can answer yes or no. Was I the first person to try Carson's ATA gene therapy?"

"Yes."

"I survived the nanite virus because of that gene and then figured out to EMP it."

"Yes."

"Rod McKay came to Atlantis to stop Project Arcturus from releasing exotic particles into his alternate universe."

"Yes."

Rodney didn't want to ask but needed to know, "Doranda?"

"Yes."

Rodney focused on the crystals above him, letting his eyes blink back into focus. Radek twisted beside him and managed to squeeze his forearm. "Water under the bridge, my friend, and this shows your memories are not devoid of emotion, yes?"

"Yes." Rodney argued internally, trying to convince himself that was a good thing.

They worked silently for a while. Radek traced damage to another console, and then they tried attaching a small generator and an Earth datapad to analyze whatever they found without risking other systems. The generator failed in under ten seconds and they had to reconfigure.

"What are you planning to play at the recital tomorrow?" Zelenka asked.

"Huh?" Rodney grunted from beneath the latest console.

"Didn't you tell Lorne you'd play piano to help inaugurate the new music room tomorrow?"

Rodney hadn't heard anything about having a piano for the new music room, but in his universe, neither Zelenka nor Lorne knew Rodney had ever played piano, so it might not have come up. After all, Rodney hadn't touched a piano in decades, since his piano teacher told him he lacked soul and would never be more than a good clinical player. He could ask Radek more to clarify this point where the two universes differed, but Radek was smart enough to guess Rodney's theory from the sorts of questions he'd ask. They were already keeping him away from any meaningful work, and while people in his universe had been surprisingly accepting of his alternate, Rod, that didn't mean Rodney wanted to test his reception as an imposter.

"Lorne will understand if I back out, given recent events."

"Of course. I'll let him know." Radek bent over his work and didn't say anything else for a while. Rodney collected his thoughts into himself, missing the easy, honest banter from before.

#

After lunch, Radek handed him a test with five questions. Three of them he remembered from problems they'd encountered in the last year. They were easy to reconstruct. Two he suspected were from journal articles, ones he hadn't had time to read yet. Those took longer but were more entertaining.

When Radek came down from a ladder where he'd been checking yet another issue with power supply to the room, Rodney handed him the answers. "I aced this."

"Of course you did. Let me read through before your ego takes over the conversation."

Rodney pulled out a lavender apple-like fruit that he'd saved from lunch. A flavor reminiscent of apple-grape juice exploded across his mouth as he wandered over to check Radek's work on the wall and ceiling conduits.

"Congratulations, this solution is correct this time."

Rodney glanced at the question Radek pointing to, one of the real life issues for jumper optimization that he'd solved weeks ago, and maybe it had taken him a couple tries then, but he'd remembered it well enough now. "Yes, I can remember my own solution from a couple weeks ago. We can all rest assured that my genius is intact."

"Your solution? You chose false trail. I solved this after you went to bed, and you never acknowledged."

"No, no, no. That solution is on my white laptop, the one with the chipped corner that used to be in my room. Did they send you to take those away? I'm assuming you know where it is. Have one of those Cracker Jack prize PhD's bring it here, and I'll show you right now."

"This work is more important."

"Oh please, neither of us can pretend there aren't a dozen better ways we could both be investing our time. Besides, there's nothing on that laptop that could compromise the city."

"If you are such a genius as you claim, I'm sure you could find a way."

Rodney looked at the apple-like core he'd crushed in his hand, sticky juice making a mess across his palm and forearm. "Radek, you can give me the 'following orders' line like the military or 'supporting consensus' line like the diplomats, but you and I both know that if I were a threat to this city, I wouldn't need direct computer access. Even someone with your level of intelligence could succeed in finding one workaround when others were trying to second guess every possible risk. Whatever happened to me, I want to take care of Atlantis. I want to do my job. You want the same thing."

"Even with my _level of intelligence_ , I notice you are not quite the same as you were yesterday. I don't know if you need help or monitoring or something else, but until I have more data, it would be illogical to trust you the way I would have yesterday."

Rodney turned away, and went to find his water bottle to wash his hands. When he'd cleaned up the sticky fruit mess, he felt a warm arm wrap around his shoulders, something he only remember Radek doing before when they'd both been drinking. His next words reminded Rodney of things Radek said when intoxicated as well.

"We still care about you, Carson and I. We are there if you need us, whatever goes on with you."

Rodney took a deep breath and let himself relax into the half hug that felt both wrong and right.

#

That night Rodney's lips tingled, face warmed, body arched. John had pushed him up against the door as soon as they were both inside Rodney's room.

"Missed you," John muttered before pressing in for another kiss.

Rodney wondered how much John could have missed him when they'd just eaten dinner together (with Ronon and Teyla). Rodney had been pleased when John's leg pressed against his as they ate. It had been a little disconcerting how often John touched him during the meal and in the course of conversation afterward _(112 times, but who's counting)_. Teyla had seemed pleased to see all the touching and had touched his hand or arm a few times after he greeted her and Ronon by touching each of them on the shoulder. Overall, Rodney thought he was learning fast, despite his reputation for social incompetence.

Now Rodney wanted to give something back to John.

Rodney pressed off the door mid-kiss and twisted so John's back was to the door. John let him do it and smiled slightly into their kiss. Rodney kissed harder thrusting his tongue into John's mouth until he felt John's hips thrust up against him. Sliding his finger down into John's pants, Rodney caught the hem of his lover's shirt and pulled it up and off. Rodney slid his fingers through the hair on John's chest, thicker and darker than Rodney's own, but not covering any greater area. His fingers circled John's nipples, eliciting a rolling thrust of hips. Then Rodney spotted two fresh bruises on John's side, behind and below his nipple. Very gently, Rodney traced a single fingertip along the edge of each bruise. John shivered and leaned his forehead against Rodney's shoulder.

"Did you go on a mission today?" The _without me_ Rodney kept to himself.

"Just sparing with Ronon. You've seen him do a lot worse to me."

_Had he? What would it be like to see his lover with bruises for no good reason? Did John in his universe regularly sport bruises from his workouts?_

Rodney skimmed his hand lightly over John's bruised side again, trying to gauge if the hint of pain was a turn on for John or if his previous reaction merely indicated the sensitivity of the region. John sighed but showed no specific reaction as he let Rodney explore his small injuries. Rodney ran a hand lightly down John's other side, and John breathed in sharply, so John's sides were sensitive, but maybe it wasn't about the bruises. Rodney let his hand tease up and down John's good side grazing the nipple at the top of each stroke as he kissed John deep and wet.

The kiss grew messier on both sides as John started to rock rhythmically, pushing both of their erections together.

It took Rodney a while to think past his physical reaction and remember that John had done all the work in everything so far. Rodney intended to pay him back with one of the genius blow jobs that had never failed to please Rodney's lovers in the past.

Rodney sank to his knees and nuzzled down around John's balls as he got him out of his pants. Then he started tonguing and teasing the tip of John's cock, waiting until John let out a ragged needy breath before he surrounded the crown with his lips. A bead of pre-come filled Rodney's mouth with the tangy, bitterly masculine taste of John, and Rodney felt his own erection swell against his pants. Rodney sucked rapidly on just the crown several times before sliding to take John's length down his throat in one long wet glide.

"Oh, god," John gasped above him.

Rodney hummed and started experimenting with rhythm and twists of his tongue, trying to drive John out of his mind. He kept one hand on John's hip as the other reached below to fondle John's sack and the sensitive skin behind. Soon John was groaning and Rodney didn't think it would take much longer.

But John pushed him off. In panted but far too coherent breaths he said, "Enough. I can't tell if that's ardor or nervous energy, but I want to take a little longer."

Rodney felt a stab of rejection. _Perhaps his best wasn't as irresistible as he'd thought. And since when did John use words like "ardor"? Maybe there were more differences between the two universes than just expression through touch. Maybe Rodney didn't know this John quite as well as he'd thought._

"Come back here." John was pulling up on Rodney's arms and shirt, his movements loose and uncoordinated. Looking up at John's huge pupils and the way he supported himself against the door, Rodney felt better. Debauched was a good look for John. Rodney's blow job had done that. Now John was just being stubborn.

He let John drag him upright. The disheveled flyboy somehow managed to remove Rodney's shirt in the process.

Then John was kissing his jaw, nibbling behind his ear, and unfastening his pants. Rodney's head swam as John slid down his body and licked Rodney's cock like it was a Popsicle.

John's mouth was amazing and gravitated to hotspots Rodney didn't know he had. Suddenly, he realized what it would mean to have the same lover long term, how well he and John must know each other's bodies. In the same instant, Rodney realized he couldn't survive a blow job from John while standing unsupported.

"Bed," Rodney gasped.

John knee walked, forcing Rodney toward the bed as he continued to lap at Rodney's cock. _God, that was hot_. Rodney felt his legs turning to jelly just as the edge of the mattress hit the backs of his knees.

He collapsed, sprawled across the bed. John pounced upon him, wrestling and rubbing, even nipping and jabbing in a flurry of erotic motion.

Then Rodney found himself lengthwise on the bed. He was lying on his side with John's cock in front of him as he felt the wet warmth of John's mouth envelop his cock all the way to his balls.

Rodney let out a high pitched whine he would definitely deny later. It took a moment before he could take even the tip of John's cock in. Then Rodney just hummed and played for a while as John sucked him slow and sure, massaging his ass and the tops of his thighs as he did so.

It was only when Rodney found his nose bumping against John's balls and enjoying the spicy musk and tickles of hair, that Rodney's brain kicked into gear and he tried again to give the best blow job he could.

John eased back to tease Rodney's crown as Rodney went to town and made him squirm and buck.

John moaned and sucked harder until Rodney was almost overwhelmed and could only imitate the rhythm and suction, doing to John what John did to him until they were both coming and swallowing and making a mess as their bodies convulsed against each other.

#

Rodney woke to the tinny sound of a voice in the distance. It seemed to be calling for Colonel Sheppard. Just as Rodney realized he was in bed and tangled in sheets and someone else, the someone else reached across him to pluck the tinny sounding device from the nightstand.

"Colonel Sheppard here."

John was propped up half on top of Rodney, so Rodney heard every word of the response.

"This is Radek. We have a power anomaly on the east pier near the grounding station. Normally, I would meet science night staff there, but—"

"I'll meet you with a security detail. Wait for me in front of the armory."

John was up and dressing even as he radioed Teyla, Ronon, and Lorne. Rodney scrambled to catch up.

"Go back to sleep." John said as they both pulled on socks from the day before.

Rodney huffed. "So not happening."

"You're still on light duty, and if someone attacked you before, this could be related."

"Or this could be a diversion so you'll leave me here alone. Or, imagine this, it could be an actual science emergency, in which case, genius here."

Rodney pointed at himself, fully dressed and boot tied on to his good foot.

John glared at Rodney's sock clad foot as if that said it all.

"It's nothing, not like we'll encounter rough terrain."

"I'll call Carson to wait with you."

"Oh please, I'd be more at risk for having to defend our cowering Scot. You know I'm safest with you."

John glared at him harder.

"Come on," Rodney said as he hurried out the door. "We're wasting time."

#

John took point with Ronon as they approached the grounding station. Lorne and Teyla followed behind with Radek and Rodney between them. The lightning rod with its round base and funky wires looked distinctly non-threatening. Ronon and John searched with P-90s in hand all along the railing beside it and around the panel that controlled it. By the time they glanced back at their rear guard, Radek had a reading on his data pad and was pointing to a panel in the gray wall ahead of them and to the left.

John stalked toward the panel and Ronon swiveled behind as if watching for threats that might require cover fire. Rodney would have laughed except all of a sudden a stab of fear flashed through him.

"Stop!" Rodney called just as John's hand was about to open the panel.

Everyone looked at Rodney, but once he saw John had stopped, Rodney focused his attention on Radek. "Isn't that the access for the specialized environmental controls? They were near the bottom of our priority list, right down there with the formerly flooded dining hub I might add. But wasn't there something dangerous about them? I think there was some preliminary research, on my white laptop, the one with the chip on the corner. Seriously, we have got to look at that laptop before anyone accesses those systems."

"Radek, do you know any more about this?" John asked from his position in front of the panel.

Radek shook his head. "I know nothing about specialized environmental controls. Maybe something from the storm?" He turned back to Rodney. "When did you work on this? What was the danger?"

"And if it's dangerous, why was it so low on your priority list?" John added.

Rodney just shook his head. The memory was fuzzy, and his mind rarely betrayed him that way. Perhaps it was something he'd learned during the storm. That might explain his poor memory and the sudden panic he felt when John reached for the panel. "I'm sorry. I really don't remember, but I'm almost certain there's a file on my white laptop."

Radek looked to John, who nodded. "I'll get it," Radek said. He almost handed his datapad to Rodney as he turned to leave, but then checked himself and handed it to Lorne instead. He wandered off muttering, "Once again, I am to fetch and carry Rodney's laptop. Is much too early in the morning for this."

*** Point of View #2 ***

Rodney curled in on himself, cold and wet, head throbbing. He was on a cold hard surface with grooves. His eyes opened to the fake wooden planks of a pier. He was outside. It was night. He was naked.

He heard the rip of Velcro and looked over to see a marine pulling a gun on him.

Then jogging up the pier, a figure he could recognize by his gait, even in near dark. "John?"

John stopped beside the soldier. "McKay? What are you doing out here?"

Rodney looked around and started to push himself up to sitting. John pulled his gun, and Rodney's heart broke a little bit. "Is this the east pier? Why are you pointing guns at me?"

John tapped his radio, "Sheppard here. I need a medical team by the grounding station on the east pier." Another tap. "Lorne, sorry to wake you. I need you to check McKay's quarters and lab. Let me know if you find him or any sign of unusual activity. Take a security team with you and send a spare team to the east pier, near the grounding station."

That at least confirmed Rodney's location and suggested John didn't know what had happened either. He tried to imagine the scene from a military point of view. Rodney could be infected by nanites, inhabited by an alien entity, replaced by a clone or by himself from an alternate universe. Oh, and as with anytime Stargate personnel appeared naked in an unexpected location, there was the possibility he'd ascended and been sent back.

It was perfectly understandable that the military leader of Atlantis was holding a gun on him. But he wanted his lover to rush to his side and hold him.

Rodney McKay took a deep breath, held his throbbing head as high as he could in his current position, and said, "Look, I understand your paranoia, but could you at least call someone from my science staff who might have a chance of figuring out what happened here?"

John nodded, and Rodney thought he looked relieved to be able to offer some small gesture of comfort. He spoke to his radio, "Dr. Zelenka? Sorry to bother you at night, but we have an unusual situation on the east pier near the grounding station. McKay may not be available to deal with it, and I'd like a science opinion."

By the time John finished that call, the medical team and more marines had arrived. Carson rushed forward while guns covered Rodney and other military types scanned outward around them.

"Rodney, what happened now?" His stethoscope was on Rodney's chest even as his hand ran along the back of Rodney's head.

Rodney wanted to hug Carson for just acting like himself. He settled for squeezing the doctor's shoulder. "The last thing I remember, I was in my bathtub. Then I woke up here with guns pointed at me."

"Any idea how you hit your head?"

"I was lying on the deck when I came to. I woke on my back and then curled to my side because I was freezing."

"Aye," Carson's eyes scanned professionally all over Rodney's body. "Blanket, please. Any pain?"

"Just my head."

A nurse rushed forward with a gurney and a blanket. Carson tucked the blanket loosely around Rodney's torso as his hands slid over Rodney.

"Still no pain. Still freezing."

"Okay, lad. I'd like to get you off the cold ground and onto the gurney. Is that all right, Colonel?"

"I can walk," Rodney said.

"I'd like him restrained and isolated until we know how he ended up here."

"Seriously? I'm naked and unarmed, and you know my hand to hand skills are pathetic." Rodney started to wave his arms, but that dislodged his blanket and he made a quick grab to maintain what warmth and privacy he had.

"If you're who you appear to be," John said. "But hey, you could be a replicator for all I know."

"Atlantis alarms and quarantine protocols would have triggered if he was replicator." Radek huffed out as he arrived on the scene a bit out of breath with a datapad in hand and a toolkit over his shoulder. His uniform was in place, and the way his hair lay flat on one side and puffed on the other was the only hint that he'd been asleep minutes before. "My readings so far are all normal. Well, naked McKay on pier may not be quite normal, but does not require science investigation. What would you like me to look for?"

John looked to Rodney as if he wanted to ask the logical person what a scientist should be testing in this situation. Then he said, "Tell me what you can rule out. Are you sure he is not a replicator?"

"Unless he has infiltrated our systems, he is not a replicator. If a replicator has infiltrated Atlantis computer systems, is too late already. He does not give off unusual energy readings, so not possessed by energy being or significant technology, unless it is shielded against sensors. Perhaps Dr. Beckett would be better able to assess McKay and I should focus on laptop and open panel over there?"

Rodney wondered how he'd overlooked his white laptop lying on the ground next to an open gray panel. At the same time, it seemed odd to hear Radek refer to his lover as Dr. Beckett, although it was an odd situation. Rodney suddenly worried that there might be something wrong with his perceptions, wrong with his brain. "Carson, you need to check my brain right away. My head is throbbing, and Atlantis can't afford to lose my genius."

"Aye, you sound very much like yourself. Let's get you on the gurney. You will put up with restraints if it lets us protect your mighty brain sooner?"

"As if there were any other rational choice." He craned his neck to see Zelenka and instantly regretted it as his head pounded twice as hard. "Radek, take care of that laptop, and also, well, be careful with that panel. Imagine the incompetence of the minion they'll pull in next if whatever happened to me also happens to you."

"The universe would not do such things to a nice person," Radek replied as he picked up the laptop and Carson and a nurse helped Rodney onto the gurney and fastened arm restraints. "Unfortunately, your computer has locked down. You will need to type password." Radek approached the gurney carrying the laptop.

"Wait," John said. "We can't let him access our systems until we know he's not compromised. Can't he tell you the password?"

Both Radek and Rodney gasped.

"Seriously guys, it’s a work file about an access panel. Surely McKay would have shared the file with you if he'd called you in on the project." John managed to look relaxed and even cocky, despite the gun still in his hand.

"That laptop has other files," Rodney hissed.

"And knowing your level of paranoia, they all have individual security."

Rodney tried to think through everything on the white laptop and how much of it had additional security. "I'll tell Radek, but that's it. The rest of them have to move out of earshot."

John rolled his eyes, and Rodney felt something melt a little in his chest as everyone backed away, even if the military types still had guns pointed in his direction. Rodney made Radek move in close enough that Rodney could whisper the passwords to unlock the first screen and the current projects file.

Radek whispered back, "You should not use famous birthdates in your passwords."

Rodney humphed. He'd bet Radek only recognized Dmitri Mandeleev's birthday and not Grace Hopper's, but he was too cold to pursue a drawn out insult session. He fixed his gaze on Carson, now standing a good twenty feet away. "Let's go. I need brains scans, heating pads, and pudding."

"No food until we check for brain injury or nausea."

"But Jello is still okay, right? I've had a very stressful evening and I think my hypoglycemia's kicking in."

As Carson and the nurse wheeled the gurney away, Rodney heard someone behind him say, "Does anyone really doubt that's McKay?" Rodney hoped the sentiment would spread, and fast.

#

When Rodney woke in an isolation room, his first thought was that he never did get that Jello. Then he thought about the million other things that were wrong or troubling him, not least of which was waking up alone in an impersonal white room, with no one to even hold his hand. In fact, his hands were still strapped to the gurney although he was wearing scrubs now. "Hello! Is anyone even going to tell me if I'm dying? And if not, can someone at least feed me?"

There was a shuffling noise as the door opened. Carson, John, and Richard came to stand around his bed. Carson checked his heart and eyes while John asked, "Can you tell us everything you remember from when you left the physics lab last night until you were found on the east pier?"

John seemed so cold and distant that Rodney was sure they'd discovered something very bad and weren't telling him yet. Fear dampened his usual bluster. "I went directly from the lab to my room. I ran a bath, got in and soaked, waiting for John to show up. Next thing I knew, I was freezing on the east pier with guns pointed at me."

John's head jerked back and his eyes went wide as if someone had tried to punch him. "Um," he recovered his flyboy slouch, "why would you expect me to show up while you were taking a bath?"

"Well, you usually show up around then. You hadn't called to say you'd be late."

The grimace of distaste on John's face, even if quickly hidden, made Rodney's stomach clench.

Carson and Richard both looked at John.

"What? I have no idea what he's talking about. You heard the report that his bathtub was bone dry. This is some kind of crazy or delusion or dream thing. Welcome to the Pegasus Galaxy."

Richard Woolsey straightened the cuffs on his jacket and said, "You know it wouldn't matter now if what he said was true. Don't Ask Don't Tell is history, even independent of the new Atlantis Colony Charter."

John smiled in a way that was not at all nice. "Which is why you can trust that I'd tell you at this point if I were in any sort of relationship with McKay. Now, can we try to sort out what really happened?"

"Rodney, lad." Carson put his hand on Rodney's shoulder, and it was the first thing that felt right since he'd woken up. "What you remember about the bath, about expecting John to show up, is it different in any way from your other memories? Can you remember all the details? Is anything fuzzy or strange about it?"

Rodney closed his eyes wondering if he really could be crazy. John had just denied being in any sort of relationship with him, and Carson and Richard seemed to believe him. He didn't even want to know what the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" reference meant. Instead, he tried to remember all the details he could from after he left the lab.

"Okay, as I said, I went straight from my lab to my room. Zelenka had been leaving then too, so he said goodnight and gave a little hug." Rodney opened his eyes to see disbelief on all three faces and wondered what Radek had reported about when they left the lab. All Rodney could do was tell what he thought he remembered and hope Radek was smart enough or someone else was lucky enough to figure out what had happened. "Once in my room, I tossed my clothes in the hamper and left my radio on the bathroom counter. I started fairly hot water running in the tub and tossed in a bath melt from Cassia. I brushed my teeth while I waited for the tub to mostly fill. Then I climbed in, adjusted the temperature up a bit, turned off the water and soaked. I believe I was thinking about Rachmaninoff's Concerto Number Three, if that matters."

"I didn't know you were a music lover, McKay," Richard said.

"John knows. I used to play piano. He's been trying to talk me into trying again since Lorne found that music room."

John's face was a military shade of blank as he shook his head and shrugged.

"Oh fine, check records back on Earth when you next communicate. I won several awards in Canada before the age of twelve. There were newspaper articles. You can verify that at least."

"Explain about the bath melt from Cassia." John kept his eyes fixed just over Rodney's head as he asked.

"What do you want me to explain? You were at the market with Teyla, Ronon, and me when we found them along with the almost cocoa butter. I think that particular one smelled sort of like vanilla and cardamom."

John was shrugging again, but Carson bent down close to Rodney and sniffed.

"Wait just a sec," Carson said. "I thought I smelled some unusual lotion or something on him as I checked him over. You can still sort of smell it."

"If you don't mind, Dr. McKay?" Richard asked.

Rodney didn't know what to make of the formal address and John not remembering anything, but he was glad to have Carson's support on this one detail. "Sniff away."

Richard leaned close to where Rodney's arm was restrained, up near his elbow actually. With an overly serious expression, he closed his eyes and breathed in the way he did when sniffing wine, taking a deep inhale with his mouth slightly open. "Definitely vanilla. I'd say there was a floral note, but cardamom is a good descriptor. Go ahead Sheppard. See if you've smelled anything like it in the markets here."

Sheppard smirked and leaned down to take a deep sniff near Rodney's other elbow. "Smells a lot better than on missions, and sure, I'd believe he washed and used something vanilla scented on his skin. But his bathtub was dry and I've never heard of Cassia or bath melts. Should we call Teyla and Ronon in to sniff him, too?"

"Honestly, that's not a bad idea," Richard said. "Is it late enough they'd be awake now?"

"Oh yeah, I had to beg off jogging with Ronon already, and Teyla meditates each morning before breakfast." He stepped aside and called them over his radio.

Richard asked Rodney, "Had you used this sort of bath melt before?"

"Yes. There should still be some in my bathroom if you want to have them tested."

"Where in your bathroom?" John asked, rejoining the conversation.

"In the product organizer on the counter by my sink. I think they're the second drawer down on the far left."

"And what does this product organizer look like?"

Rodney just stared, then he looked apprehensively around the room. "Look, not that I want to cause trouble with my hands tied to the bed, but has anyone considered that John might have been replaced by a pod person or something. It's as if we've had completely different experiences, and it's come up several times now."

When all eyes turned to John, he held his hands up empty in appeasement. "Look, I'll submit to whatever scans Carson wants if it looks like I'm the odd man out here. But Zelenka said he left the lab before McKay did. And I'd bet money Teyla and Ronon won't know anything about bath melts from Cassia."

"How much are you wagering, Colonel?" Teyla asked as she breezed into the room. Ronon followed silently behind her.

"Wait, you remember this?"

"I do not know precisely what 'this' you refer to, but I have encountered bath melts from Cassia and can recommend them for their quality and trade value."

"Have you seen them at a market with McKay or the rest of our team?"

"Not that I recall. Which market?"

"Just after we returned from Earth you took us to some winter fair." Rodney was excited to have Teyla offer at least some support. "We were mostly trading for that awful orange squash, but after lunch we stopped at a booth you said was Cassian and bought holiday gifts and lots and lots of bath melts."

"I remember the winter fair and the squash," John said.

"As do I," said Teyla. "But I’m sure I would have remembered if we found a trader with Cassian goods. They would have made lovely gifts, and I would have traded for some myself."

Ronon jerked his head. "Sounds like when Rod appeared and knew golf and stuff."

Rodney thought he might die. "Carson, scan my brain again. I should have thought of that before Ronon. Someone here, and I'm guessing it's just me, may be from an alternate universe. Of course, we never found a test for that while Rod was here, but I'm sure I could come up with something."

"We'll have Radek check into it," Richard said.

"But, no, I mean, he's basically competent, but you can't leave my only chance of going back to my universe in the hands of lesser scientists. I'm the smartest man in two galaxies. I'm sure that's true in this universe as well. There may be decaying energy signatures. Time may be a critical factor if I'm ever to get back where I belong."

Carson patted his arm, still the only person to touch him since he arrived in the alternate universe. "You just asked me to run more brain scans because you weren't thinking as clearly as Ronon."

"So I was in shock or something. But you can't keep me here. What if catastrophic cascade failure is real and kills me? What if your version of me is trapped in my universe and it kills him, too?"

At their blank looks Rodney asked, "You do want him back, don't you?"

"Yes," John replied immediately, and Rodney felt his stomach flip, which didn't seem fair now that he knew this wasn't his John. The others all nodded and said affirmative words, so Rodney felt a little better about the new universe and the other Rodney's place in it.

Carson still insisted on keeping him in isolation for more tests, but they let him out of restraints. John insisted he have a military guard, but they finally let him eat and agreed he could consult with Radek so long as he didn't touch any computer systems or ancient devices.

#

Rodney's brain was about to explode from lack of input when he heard a knock and then Radek's head peeked in the isolation room doorway.

"You feel up to a little science discussion?"

"Yes, definitely, always. I have never been so bored in my life."

Radek closed the door. Rodney's white laptop was tucked under his arm, and Rodney wanted to grab it but he strongly suspected they were being observed.

"Someone did bring you breakfast, ano?"

"Yes, yes, fine. A nurse dropped off a tray, with only one cup of coffee, which you know is cruel and unusual torture in my case. Then Carson came by with his big needles and the portable scanner that requires patients to lie absolutely still for minutes and minutes. That was the high point of the day. Since then, no books, no computers." He stared pointedly at the laptop in Radek's hands. "But now they need my genius?"

"They still say you shouldn't touch the laptop, but if I could go over your notes with you?"

"Seriously, I'd talk to a six-year-old about basic maths if that was all I was allowed. Do you know what it's like for a brain such as mine to be without any input for days on end?"

Radek pushed at his glasses. "You've been here less than twelve hours."

Rodney flung his hands out. "No clocks! Torture, I tell you!"

Radek dodged Rodney's outspread arms and sat quietly on a plastic chair at the side of the room. Rodney quickly pulled up another chair as Radek logged in using the passwords he'd been given the night before.

Rodney was careful not to touch the computer balanced on Radek's knees as he read through notes on Atlantis' Specialized Environmental Controls. As with most insights derived from the ancient database, it was intriguing but lacked useful specifics. Rodney shifted uncomfortably in his chair. It would have been natural to put an arm around Radek's shoulders and move in close to view the small screen, but he didn't want to risk losing even such limited access to his work. Except, what he was reading wasn't his work. He read through to the end, asking Radek to scroll down as needed, to be sure he'd seen nothing related on his own Atlantis.

"If I admit I didn't write anything like these notes, you will still let me work with you, right? I'm still a genius and the foremost expert on Ancient technology."

"Have you worked on this system at all in your universe?"

"Short answer, no. However, these are exactly the sort of notes I would have written. I'm certain I am the best person to reconstruct what my alternate would have done and how to fix it—"

"Good enough. You sound much like our Rodney."

Radek shifted so his knee touched Rodney's, and that small touch was a jolt to Rodney's system. _How could he be so touch starved in less than twelve hours? Well, they had been a very stressful twelve hours..._

"Here," Radek pointed, "the part about diffusing major weather events—"

"And being right by the grounding station reminds me of the storm when the Genii invaded. We took the grounding stations offline to conduct energy from the lightning to the shields—"

"But if we'd known about this—"

"We might have set it to diffuse the storm, but this math implies—"

"Diffusing certain weather events across several alternate universes to avoid extreme events."

"Some daft Ancient, possibly Janus, must have set it to send a representative to broker agreement with the alternates—"

"Or just reset their system—"

"Atlantis must have alarms for that, otherwise—"

"Not pretty."

"But if your Rodney went through, why was I yanked here, out of my bathtub?"

"Malfunction?"

"Or we were too similar and the risk of entropic cascade failure too great."

"Our Rodney did not believe entropic cascade failure was real."

"Your Rodney went poking at this late at night when he could have let himself, and more importantly myself, enjoy a quiet evening at home. As for entropic cascade failure, I reserve judgment. I don't consider it likely, but I won't dismiss possible explanations as we investigate. What if I went to that machine and tried what seemed most logical to me? If it was the same as what he tried, then most likely we'd be swapped back."

"Too risky. They'll never let us try without understanding the system."

"What if there's a time limit?"

"I took a picture of the panel settings when you were taken to infirmary."

"Let's see."

"I cannot show you. But I can tell you they had not changed when I went by this morning. For now, we only consult on what is already on laptop or what we derive together."

"But there's almost nothing here. Let's check my other files."

Radek clicked back to the current projects directory, and Rodney was amazed to see dozens of files he'd never created in his own universe. Radek looked at him as if waiting for instruction.

"None of these seem directly related. I guess we can work backward through those I updated most recently. Maybe something will tell us why I was out there in the middle of the night working on a system of relatively low priority."

The first file outlined ways to improve the desalinization plant. "This is good. I think this optimization equation would work. Of course we'd have to run extensive simulations."

"You haven't done more in your universe?"

"I haven't even made this document, although your counterpart and I discussed some of the same ideas a couple months back."

Radek nodded and clicked on the next most recent file, which focused on ZPM variations and was little more than a list of notes and observations.

"I have a shorter list, so nothing to add. Sorry."

They skimmed through two more files that Rodney had never created in his universe. Then they opened one on jumper optimization that was similar until the end. "Yes! Yes! I knew I could solve that. I was working on this as well, but I hadn't found this solution yet. I'm sure I would have the next time I looked. Why does the Rodney here have so many files saved after midnight?"

"You—he works a lot when too wired to sleep?"

"But," Rodney thought back to times in grad school when he'd chased crazy leads all night rather than sleep or date. It hadn't been a good time for him, but he had gotten a lot done. "I gather I'm not involved with John here, but surely there's someone…"

Radek shook his head sadly. "You were with Jennifer Keller for a few months, but broke up while we were back on Earth."

"Jennifer? Really? I have trouble imagining us lasting more than a night together."

Radek bit his lip and ran fingers through his hair, causing different wisps to stick out. The laptop rocked and Rodney reached to steady it then quickly pulled back his hand. Luckily, Radek shifted his knee, pulling it away from Rodney's, but saving the computer. "You with Jennifer never made much sense to me, but you were quite upset at end."

"Am I with anyone now?" Rodney suddenly wondered if someone was being kept away from him or avoiding him.

"No, there was just Jennifer, and a couple bad dates with Katie Brown before that."

"Really, Katie Brown? In my universe, she left Atlantis years ago."

"Here too."

"So wait, you're saying that in over six years, I've had one relationship that lasted less than a year and a couple of bad dates?"

"Is possible you had other bad dates I did not know about," Radek teased.

Rodney wondered how much more work he'd complete if his personal life was so empty. All his life, he'd identified as independent and individualistic. His social skills were poor, and he'd never thought of himself as likable or social. Nonetheless, he'd had a surprisingly compatible relationship with John for four years. He'd been casually involved with Radek and Carson before that, and was still very close with them despite their recently exclusive status. Before Atlantis, he'd had some stormy relationships and at times been too obsessed with work for more than quickies with coworkers or the occasional one night stand. His first relationship with an older woman, when he was an undergrad, had ended with his books and clothes being thrown out her window. He'd been proud to grow past that stage and ground himself in the Atlantis community and with his teammates, Ronon and Teyla, as well as Teyla's community of origin. To discover a universe where so many people went without loving relationships or even friendly sex seemed as foreign as contacting Vulcans or a society of eunuchs.

"How does anyone live like that?"

"Mostly, we're busy. The first few years, very hard here."

"We should figure out where else our universes diverge."

"Sheppard and Woolsey might object."

"I won't ask about anything classified, and you can choose not to answer. You never know what might be important scientifically as we work through this." Rodney waved at the laptop but kept his eyes on his companion.

Radek shrugged. "You are mostly nosey, I think. But ask. Then we get back to work."

"The Stargate program and Atlantis are known to the public on Earth now?"

"Yes."

"Richard mentioned something called 'Don't Ask Don't Tell.' Was that about Atlantis?"

"Was US military policy. US is mostly anti-gay with states arguing over gay partnerships or marriage. The military allowed gays only if they didn't tell anyone, and no one could ask. But if two men were caught together, they could be removed in disgrace. When we returned Atlantis to Pegasus as a semi-independent colony, there was an exception in our charter, but it didn't mean much until US military repealed policy a year ago."

"A year ago? That explains a lot about John's reaction. But those rules wouldn't have applied to Canadians, right? Haven't I had any male lovers in the last six years?"

"Was difficult with the US military presence and homophobia. I did not even know you were interested in men."

That saved Rodney the awkward question of whether he and Radek had ever been together in this universe.

"You and Carson?"

"What?"

"Where I come from, the two of you have been together for years, very romantic, exclusive even."

Radek blushed and stammered. "I, I, I—I did not even consider. No, never."

"But the Czech Republic and Scotland aren't anti-gay. The Czech Republic has allowed gay marriage since the Velvet Revolution, right?"

"We have registered partnerships and unregistered cohabitation rights now, but like most parts of the world have only legalized such arrangement in the last decade. Maybe some Scandinavian countries offered similar options in 1989, but I do not think it was mentioned in the Velvet Revolution."

"What about the Stonewall Riots of 1969 and the Identity Revolution of the 1970s?"

"Would those be US history? I do not know them."

"Oh." Rodney hadn't expected such a large disparity. The leadership and uniforms in this Atlantis were identical to his own. He'd assumed historical events that far back would be the same. "When I grew up, the Stonewall Riots and Identity Revolution were known worldwide. Most modern countries legalized marriage regardless of sexual or gender identity by the 1980's."

"I'm sure one of the sociologists or anthropologists would like to sort this out with you."

Rodney hung his head. "How far I've fallen that I might want to spend time with a sociologist or anthropologist."

Radek patted his shoulder. "I'll try to get you some physics journals to read. Even if you've read them before, you might catch differences in our scientific discourse. That will cheer you up, I'm sure."

"Meanwhile, you get to go work on current problems like getting me home."

"I'm sorry you're stuck here. I will mention about coffee, too."

Rodney rolled his eyes and tried not to show how much he'd miss Radek's company until after the door closed behind him.

#

When John stepped in hours later, Rodney had almost finished his pile of physics journals. Had his visitor been anyone else, he would have demanded more. Instead, his body cried out for the other John, the one who would press against him, kiss him, take him home. It wasn't that Rodney was fooled. The body language wasn't quite the same. This John kept his professional mask on with Rodney.

John nodded and said, "McKay, ready to get out of here?"

Perhaps it was a rescue of sorts.

John led Rodney through the halls to Rodney's room without touching him. A two person military escort followed silently behind. John didn't speak in the halls.

The door to Rodney's room opened obligingly for John. There was no way short of physical fortification to block access to any room on Atlantis from her favored son. Rodney wouldn't even try.

John waved him inside and said, "There's dinner on your desk. Zelenka rounded up some more reading material but also removed all electronics and Ancient devices. We'll keep a guard on your door and bring your meals and anything else you need here. I'm sure you understand."

"Better to be isolated in my room than in the infirmary. I don't suppose you'd stay to eat with me?"

"They only brought your food."

"Where I come from, it's a very sad thing to eat alone."

John looked at him sharply. He either didn't believe it or thought Rodney was manipulating him. Maybe Rodney was being manipulative, but he was not lying about how bad it felt to eat more than a power bar alone. All his meals in this universe so far had been solitary.

"Wouldn't want to send you back saying we're inhospitable," John drawled as he sat on the bed and motioned Rodney toward the food on his desk.

Rodney looked around and said, "You'd be surprised how much of this is identical to my Atlantis. Aside from what Radek probably took and a missing picture on the nightstand…"

"What's the picture of?"

"Can't you guess?" Rodney stared at the empty place beside the picture of his cat.

"The sociologist reported the biggest historical differences involved the Stonewall Riots and the Sexual Revolution."

"We call it the Identity Revolution, and the Stonewall Riots seem to have happened about the same in both universes. We couldn't identify any differences as far as my knowledge goes. But I guess most people here never even heard of them."

John shrugged and leaned back. Rodney sat down and pulled the cover off his dinner, some kind of roast meat and mashed tubers, much like they'd serve at home.

"The Stonewall riots mattered to some people here."

"So you'd heard of them before?"

"Stonewall mattered to our gay rights movement, even if something held it back a couple decades."

"And your relation to that gay rights movement?"

"Let's say I had my own identity revolution before I joined the Air Force."

"But you joined anyway?" Rodney could feel the blood rushing to his face, because this part made him angry. "You chose to hide a core piece of your identity to support a military industrial complex that would dishonor you and make you virtually unemployable if they knew? You stood by and said nothing?"

"I wanted to fly."

"I know you, John. However different you may be here, you're not that shallow."

"When we wrote the charter to return Atlantis to Pegasus, we removed that ordinance and revised the definition of marriage." Rodney could see there was more passing behind John's mask, but even his own John struggled with talking about himself.

"I guess I don't know what you faced."

"No, you don't." Pain was written all over John, in the line between his eyebrows and the tension of his shoulders, even if the man thought it hidden. Rodney couldn't help loving this John, at least a little.

"I might know more than you think." Rodney remembered stories his John had gradually revealed about his father and his childhood, why he still couldn't stand to be approached or comforted in certain ways. Maybe it had been easier for this John to cut himself off from issues that must have been even worse in context.

"Dinner conversation must be very different where you come from."

There was no mistaking John's command to back off, but Rodney thought of the etiquette lessons this John had probably also absorbed in the Sheppard household. Little of it showed in either John. "What do you usually talk about?"

"Missions, movies, golf."

"You found someone to practice golf with here?"

"No."

Rodney couldn't help but snort a laugh at John's huff of childlike scorn. However screwed up he might be, this man was still too much like his John to ignore. "Don't suppose you'd want to watch a movie with me? Even I don't want to read physics journals all the time."

"Isn't that what you'd do on vacation?"

"Not in my universe." Rodney waggled his eyebrows in a way that had to be universal.

John blushed.

"Maybe if you're still here Friday we could have a team movie night."

"What about the recital?"

"Oh shit, I forgot. Guess I have to attend."

"Could I?"

John looked at him for a long while, and the stare was no longer hostile.

"Let's see how tomorrow goes."

#

"Tomorrow" when it came, went slowly. Rodney couldn't make himself sleep in, given how early he'd gone to bed. He considered soaking in the tub, but his bathroom had nothing to make bathing pleasant. Without bath oils or melts or even lotion to use afterward, he knew soaking in warm water would leave his sensitive skin dry and itchy.

He ate breakfast alone, a tray delivered via his security detail without a word.

Radek stopped by for a few minutes, and Rodney stored up all the comfort he could from their shoulders and knees pressing together as they sat side by side on the bed.

"I still cannot show you my readings from the device, but I wish to scan you for energy signatures or radioactive decay markers that may differ and identify alternate universes, yes?"

"Sounds like a stab in the dark, and I'm sure with my help you'd be much closer to a real answer. Surely you could convince the others?"

"Yes, Rodney, I am too happy working without you on this in addition to my other work and that which your counterpart left behind. And knowing the other me so well, you conclude I have not made this recommendation?"

"So we blame the short sightedness of non-scientists again and move along?"

Radek nodded.

"Scanners set to multiverse? Go ahead."

Radek took whatever readings he had modified his life signs detector to take and did not show Rodney.

"Is there anything at all useful that I could do? Perhaps some side project that could be contained completely offline? Some math or physics derivations you haven't had time for?"

"I am trying. First, I try to swap you back. If not, we'll find other options. Did they bring you food? Coffee?"

"Never enough coffee. Also, they took my razor, and possibly other bath products. You think they could trust me to shave, perhaps if a big man with a gun watched over me?"

"They may worry you will seduce big man with gun." Rodney smiled and patted his knee. "I will ask. Meanwhile, you look rugged with stubble."

#

Hours later, Rodney had seen no one and had still not been allowed to shave. Then Ronon entered with an enormous lunch tray.

"I guess they forgot to feed me at lunch and decided to send twice as much for dinner?"

Ronon acknowledged the complaint by opening his eyes a tiny percentage wider. As he shifted the tray onto Rodney's bed, the only clear surface large enough, he said, "Wait."

Ronon left and returned a moment later with several pillows that Rodney recognized from Teyla's room on his own Atlantis.

He left again to carry in a laptop, to which he pointed and said, "Don't touch" before setting it also on the bed.

Then the big man, so far indistinguishable from Ronon in Rodney's universe, started arranging pillows so they could sit on the floor leaning against the bed. He set a firmer pillow in front and used it as a stand for the laptop which he opened to a screen with the title "Top Gun."

"You seen it?" Ronon asked.

"Never heard of it. Are we doing team movie night? Was this John's idea? Did he choose the movie? Is it really night already and I missed lunch? Are John and Teyla joining us?"

Ronon pointed to the clock in the bottom corner of the laptop screen that showed it was barely past noon, the earliest that the mess served lunch on his Atlantis, probably on this Atlantis, too.

There was a brief knock on the door before Teyla entered with a bowl of popcorn. She smoothly set in on the floor by the laptop then said, "Dr. McKay, I am pleased to see you out of isolation." She leaned in for the Athosian head touch and rested her hands lightly on his arms.

Rodney couldn't help but smile as he squeezed her shoulder. "It is good to see you as well, Teyla."

"John says we should go ahead with lunch and the movie as he has been called to a meeting. He said you would be happy to answer any questions we have about this movie, something popular from his adolescence that he says will also answer questions you have."

Rodney shook his head at the conundrum that was John in any universe. Having Teyla greet him and hearing her refer to John by his first name was unexpectedly pleasant. "I'll try. And while I'm not sure when you use first or last names here, I would like you to call me Rodney, if that's comfortable for you."

"Rodney." She smiled.

The three of them sorted out lunch and sat down to watch the movie.

By the time it ended, Rodney was stiff from sitting on the floor and befuddled with cinematic culture shook. He wished John were available to say whether he suggested the film as a realistic portrayal of his Earth or as an example of media myths and indoctrination.

Rodney asked Ronon and Teyla, "How do you think that compares to the military here on Atlantis?"

Teyla said, "I've met military men here who could have been part of a group like that, but I would not want to work with the people in that movie."

"Do you know why John suggested this particular movie?"

"Maverick reminds me a little of John," Teyla said, "In the looks he gives people and the way he challenges authority. Also, the way he talks about 'speed.'" Teyla smiled to herself. "But I have never seen Sheppard put his desires before others or himself before his team or community." Rodney could imagine his Teyla saying exactly the same.

"Maverick was a boy acting like a man."

When Ronon didn't say anything more, Rodney asked, "And John?"

"The reverse."

Rodney couldn't help but smile; that pronouncement could apply to his John as well. Ronon had a way with such insights. "And the culture?"

"No women fighters. No respect for women. All the men were the same."

"Meaning sexist or macho?"

"Both, and sheltered, young, strutting."

"I don't think either of you need me to explain a thing. Being an outsider here as well, I don't think I could."

Teyla reached across to touch his wrist. "Tell us how your people would view this film."

Taking a deep breath, Rodney gathered his thoughts. Social analysis wasn't his field, but as he was constantly called upon to explain Canadian points of view, he thought he owed his universe the same dedication. "If they knew it came from an alternate universe, they'd probably be as unsettled as I am. Within our society, it would seem demented or old-fashioned. Maybe it could be some bizarre satire made by an art film house about what it would be like if a group that identified as hyper-masculine broke off and indoctrinated others into glorifying militarism, individuality, and patriotism above all else. The thing is, we have people in our society who are biologically male, identify as hyper-masculine, heterosexual, and individualistic with extreme thrill kinks and a desire to bond and work in a same sex group. But their broader society would include people of varied biology, gender, sexuality, sociability, perceptiveness, intuitiveness, emotionality, rigidity and all sorts of other preferences. So while certain clusters may form around certain traits, it is constantly acknowledged and valued that personal and group identity is fluid and complex. Does any of this make sense to you? For this, we are basically three aliens discussing a film created in a fourth culture."

"My people," Teyla offered, "Are much more flexible in their expectations of males and females. What you refer to as 'hyper-masculine' would not be encouraged, and no woman would put up with Maverick the way Charlie did in that movie."

Ronon laughed.

"Care to share with the class?" Rodney asked.

"Some people here see me that way."

"Have you shared your poetry with them?"

Ronon met and held Rodney's gaze for the first time. "Huh. What did you think of it?"

"I was impressed, but John, my John, understood it better. The two of you talked for a long time and he offered you song lyrics with his guitar."

Ronon nodded. "And you?"

"They'd almost convinced me to try piano again."

"Were you going to play at the recital?"

Rodney looked at the floor. "Not in either universe. But for my friends, soon."

"Our version of you never told us he could play piano, and our version of John never played guitar for us." Teyla sounded very sad as she said it. "We've brought them to our celebrations. I've sung for them. Before the plans for the recital tonight, I'd wondered if our Earth friends shared gifts of music and art that way."

"Even in my universe, where art is a valued aspect of identity, I hid my music for years."

Teyla rested her hand over his, as if she understood, even if Rodney wasn't sure what. "If you stay here, I hope you will share your music with us."

"If they'd even let me touch a piano."

Teyla clasped his hand. "I will make time to visit you at dinner."

"Me, too." Ronon said, as he began carrying supplies out of the room, starting with the laptop.

#

"Hey, Rodney." Sheppard entered without knocking. Rodney was sprawled on the bed, working a proof and writing a rebuttal to a journal article that might or might not be the same in his universe. "Put on your shoes. Teyla says you need a night out and she promised not to do any of the cooking herself."

If it had been his John, Rodney would have had a lot to say. As it was, he said nothing.

Ronon appeared silently in the doorway behind John and gave the nod that was almost like a smile in his body language.

Rodney pulled on his shoes and followed as John dismissed the guards from Rodney's door and led him to a transporter with Ronon following behind. Both John and Ronon were armed and clearly counted as a military escort, but Rodney was still unspeakably glad to leave his room. He kept quiet.

They exited the transporter near the new music hall, and Rodney could hear scraping and pounding. Rodney guessed they were preparing for the next night's recital, but he didn't have a chance to see. John and Ronon ushered him into a room a few doors down the hall.

The first thing Rodney spotted was a shiny black upright piano with John's guitar propped up beside it. Then he noticed a small table with four chairs, a dark woven tablecloth, candles, and plates heaped attractively with food. Even if it was probably all standard fare from the mess hall, Rodney's mouth watered at the sight and smell. Teyla stood beside the table proprietarily.

"Wow, Teyla, you never set up like this for us." John propped himself against the back of a chair as if totally at ease, but his eyes flicked twice toward the guitar and piano.

"You are allowed to eat in the mess hall." Teyla smiled and spread her hands in front of the table. "Please, join me."

They all sat and Rodney breathed in deeply, savoring the aromas. The stew smelled spicy and a mashed orange squash with something crumbled on top smelled sweet. There was no doubt in Rodney's mind that food tasted better when eaten with good company. While he still generally failed at offering compliments, Rodney clasped Teyla's arm and trusted she could read the pleasure on his face.

Ronon pulled a cloth off what turned out to be a pile of warm rolls, and they all dug in.

At the end of the meal, Teyla urged them to stay seated. "I have one small surprise, and it does not involve actual cooking, so you are not allowed to protest." She pinned John with her gaze. He raised his hands in surrender.

Teyla uncovered a pan on a warming plate and began to beat it with a wooden whisk device, the handle of which rolled rapidly between both her palms. "While I have no supply of the Cassian bath melts McKay mentioned, I had a small stash of roasted Cassian beans that a botanist assures me are similar to cacao beans on Earth. While the Cassians produce nothing resembling Earth chocolate, they produce a traditional drink based on these beans. That is what I wish to offer you tonight before I gift you with a song I have chosen to share.

The muscles in Teyla's arms flexed as her hands blurred in a maneuver that impressed Rodney more than watching the woman fight. Whatever teasing she may endure about her cooking, it was clear Teyla possessed some culinary skill as a towering mound of foam formed atop the liquid in the pan. When she poured the drink into mugs, she brushed the foam aside before adding it back on top.

Rodney nodded appreciatively when Teyla handed him the first mug and his fingers wrapped around the warm ceramic. He smelled the steaming beverage, and while it didn't smell like chocolate, the faint scent was related. His first sip was mostly foam but he savored the flavor. "Amazing. It's like a buttery white chocolate, cocoa buttery, with a faint floral trace. Teyla, if any version of me ever insulted your culinary skills, I take it back."

John nodded with a trace of foam on his lip. "Can we trade for this? It might even be worth trading back to Earth, and talk about cornering the market."

"Hard to grow," Ronon said, "Thanks, Teyla."

"My pleasure." She dipped her head and then stepped back from the table. "Now I will sing."

The Athosian singing posture was familiar to Rodney from many celebrations and ceremonies. Teyla stood tall but relaxed, hands clasped in front of her, eyes partially closed before she began. The song was one Rodney didn't recognize, and it might have seemed trite on Earth as Teyla sang of appreciating all her people's trading partners using the metaphor of a rainbow. However, the melody kept an almost martial beat, and Teyla's voice was as firm and direct as always. The effect was more a call to remember than one of self-appreciation.

At the end, Ronon stood and touched foreheads with Teyla then took her place in front of the room. "I offer a poem I learned as a boy. It is called 'Middle Son.'"

The poem traced the life of a young man, and some of the words did not translate, but halfway through, Rodney was struck by the similarity of themes from the movie _Top Gun_. Except in Ronon's poem, rather than a conflict between individualism and teamwork, the young man was supposed to learn more about both simultaneously. He was expected to absorb the wisdom of his elders while also innovating his own solutions in response to each and every challenge. There was no conflict between alienation and group identity, because of some almost incomprehensible assumption that every individual, or at least every worthy individual, must cultivate the point of view of both an outsider and an insider.

Rodney felt pushed beyond his depth, knowing he missed part of the meaning even as his mind shot off rapid responses to each line and the building form of the whole. He glanced at John, who'd shown surprisingly precise insights to Ronon's poetry back home. This John seemed to be hiding behind his protective façade, not in a harsh, military way, but as if he was letting the words wash over him.

When Ronon finished there was silence. Rodney looked him in the eye, not sure if silence was the preferred response and wishing Teyla would set an example of how to react. Instead, Ronon nodded to him and tilted his head toward the piano.

Rodney stood and tentatively walked to the piano, uncovering the keys and staring for a moment. A wave of sorrow washed over him from when he'd given this up. If he admitted it to himself, there was also sorrow at not playing for his team or friends back home. He'd declined when Lorne asked him to play at the recital, but he'd been meaning to find a time to play for himself and at least John to begin with.

Now he sat and touched piano keys for the first time in 32 years in a whole other universe. He started with scales and was surprised to find the instrument in tune and in good working condition. When he finally had his reflexes under control and his fingers warmed up, he slid without thinking into Chopin's third piano sonata, what had been his greatest triumph as a child, until he was told that while an excellent technical player, his music lacked soul and would never take him further. Now he pushed his body to remember every motion, every note. At first, he was upset as he fumbled twice within a minute of starting. Then he let the energy of his frustrations bleed into the music and, whether or not he made mistakes, the music pulled him in a way it never had before. _How could he have given this up? Where had he lost the part of himself that pushed him forward now?_

At the end, and Rodney knew the piece ran about twenty-five minutes, Rodney sat with his eyes closed, hearing his teammates breathing in the sudden silence. Sweat dripped along his hairline and his fingers ached, but he thought that whatever the others had heard, he'd found part of his soul in the music.

A chair shifted behind him. When a hand rested for long seconds on his shoulder, Rodney knew it was John's, despite the differences from his John. Then John moved aside and slung his guitar around his neck as Rodney managed to open his eyes.

John smiled an easy smile and started in on "This Land Is Your Land." His pitch wasn't perfect or his voice well trained, but his rhythm and charm carried the folksy melody. Rodney relaxed even as he was puzzled by the choice. Then John continued into verses Rodney hadn't heard before, about a "No Trespassing" sign, hungry people, and "walking that freedom highway." Rodney wondered if he'd never understood the song before or had only heard a limited version, if there might even be a difference in lyrics between the two universes.

His thoughts were shattered when John said, "You were expecting Johnny Cash, weren't you?"

Rodney felt a flash of betrayal at the flip tone. He hadn't been expecting anything in particular, but he didn't want John to diminish what they'd all shared by treating the evening too lightly. Still, he sensed that John's playing for them meant something more than he let on. This John wasn't ready to talk about anything they'd shared with each other tonight. So Rodney met him halfway. "I was thinking I might fake an accompaniment if you tried 'I Walk the Line.'"

"You're on."

John played and sang, and thanks to his own John, Rodney knew the song well enough to provide competent accompaniment on the spur of the moment. He didn't miss that this John sang to their teammates, barely glancing at Rodney, but somehow, it made sense for John to sing it that way. Just as John could make a virtual anthem about the United States apply to Atlantis and any planet in Pegasus, he could make the term "your mine" sound like "leave no one behind." Rodney thought that revelation might in some way explain this John and "Top Gun" and other pieces that seemed paradoxical to Rodney, but he'd need Ronon or his John to talk it through before he could explain it to himself, and that wasn't going to happen tonight.

Instead, Rodney and John traded off a few more songs, and Teyla and Ronon offered more of their own contributions to match the less solemn tone until their voices tired, and John and Ronon escorted Rodney back to his room and a new set of guards at his door.

Lying alone, Rodney couldn't sleep for a long while. He was immensely grateful to this alternate version of his team for what they'd given him. The effort and earnestness that at least Teyla and Ronon had shown, brought tears to his eyes. John had kept more of an emotional distance, but even his John was that way sometimes. It made Rodney sad, but mostly, it made him feel lonely. He wanted his John and his team and all the social contact and touch that he was used to. Even if this evening couldn't have happened the same way back home, it felt a little like a betrayal to not be in his own universe, to not be able to ask the questions he would have asked his John and Ronon, and to not have John beside him afterward.

#

"Wake up, McKay!"

The shout was accompanied by pounding.

Rodney squinted his still closed eyes against the onslaught. Were they going to interrogate him. It had to be night still. Rodney had barely fallen asleep.

"McKay, now!"

It wasn't the tone John used when the city was about to blow up. They wouldn't come to him for that here anyway.

Pound. Pound. Pound.

Rodney opened his eyes enough to determine that John was inside his door pounding on the wall. John's shirt stuck out untucked beneath his jacket, so maybe John had woken and dressed hastily. Maybe there was something wrong.

Pushing to a sitting position, trying to get his eyes fully open and focused, Rodney asked, "What's wrong?"

"Jeez, put on some clothes, McKay."

Rodney looked down. His lap and legs were still covered by the blanket. Of course he was naked. He liked sleeping naked, unless he expected to be woken in the middle of the night. There'd been times, mostly in grad school and during emergencies, when he'd fallen asleep fully clothed on top of the covers. But for the most part, he liked lying between high quality sheets without clothing bunching up or wrinkling beneath him in unfortunate ways. Of course, when he'd had someone to sleep with, there'd been other advantages.

"Clothing, McKay." John turned toward the door. "Sergeant, get Dr. McKay some coffee so he can function."

Rodney took the opportunity while John was focused on someone else to pull on underwear and uniform trousers. He managed two layers of shirts and his jacket before he was awake enough to ask, "What happened?"

"Zelenka tried something out on the east pier and got himself electrocuted and unconscious. Kusanagi was on night shift and came out to help, but I can't get her to tell me anything." John's voice was flat and non-expressive, a tone Rodney was used to in times of crisis.

"Was he working on the specialized environmental controls?"

"Yep."

"In the middle of the night."

"Yep."

"With Miko?"

"Nope."

"By himself?"

"Yep."

Rodney's mind spun as he searched for socks. _Radek could die. He could have destroyed Rodney's only chance of getting home. Miko could electrocute herself trying to pick up where Radek left off. Miko and Radek could both die, blowing up the specialized environmental controls, leaving Rodney stranded with no chance of fixing things nor any halfway intelligent colleagues to work with._

Rodney's mind escalated to possibilities so dire they might destroy his own universe and this one. He shook his head.

"Look, if you're dragging me out there to help, you're going to have to let me look at his notes, look for answers in the database, run simulations... Boolean answers aren't going to cut it."

John's mask of non-expression didn't waver at the rant. "You can look at his notes, but Kusanagi is the only one touching anything."

Rodney threw his head back. "Might as well make you fight with your hands tied behind your back."

"Done that."

"Of course you have. And you occasionally won, so why worry about throwing pointless impediments in the way of science."

"You coming or not?"

"Let me pull on shoes."

In the transporter he asked, "How bad is Radek?"

"Beckett can't tell until he wakes up."

"How's Carson?"

John raised an eyebrow but didn't answer.

On the east pier they walked faster. The wind was cold enough that Rodney shivered, but it was good to be outside, to be anywhere but his room. For someone who could work two days barely stirring from his lab if needed, Rodney didn't deal well with confinement being forced upon him.

Now Radek was unconscious in the infirmary, and Rodney felt like it was his fault, even if he'd had no choice.

"Dr. Kusanagi," John said. "Show this McKay anything on the computer that might relate to this project. If you're unsure, I can call other scientists to help."

Miko shivered as she held out the laptop Radek must have been using. Rodney snapped over his shoulder at John, "Call that sergeant who's supposed to have brought me coffee and tell him to bring hot tea, something with caffeine, for Miko. And have someone who's not carrying beverages fetch my white laptop from wherever Radek's keeping it."

John just gaped at him, mouth open.

"What is your problem? I told you I can't do this as a game of twenty questions."

"I can't believe you thought about tea for someone else."

Rodney raised his arms to the sky and then thumped his hands on his head. "Unfortunately, misguided as she may be, it's well known that Miko doesn't drink coffee. She is shivering. It is cold. Scientists work better when they are caffeinated and not freezing. Surely I won't need to explain my real work to you in baby steps like this. We'll be here all night."

"Our Rodney never thinks about things like that."

"Of course he does. His brain is wired basically the same as mine. We both think about dozens of things every moment. Your society has some strange ideas about males not offering comfort to others, so he's probably downgraded those thoughts to lower priority. But I'm not him, and I will do what I think is most useful to solve the problem at hand. Now go think with your own brain, confining as that may be, and let me work."

Rodney glanced over the notes Radek had left. He spoke his interpretations aloud in case Miko was less familiar with assumptions Radek tended to make as he worked. "He's added data about Wraith culling beams. There is a superficial resemblance to that technology in the rear part of the device, but we need the research I did on the Daedalus alternate reality drive."

Miko's eyes went big and she looked down at her feet.

"What?"

John butted in. "Are you the Mckay who designed that malfunctioning nightmare?"

"No, just one who had the misfortune to take a ride. But I derived afterward what should have been done to make it work. Surely my counterpart here—"

"Was told it was too dangerous and to work on something else."

"And he listened?"

"He better have."

"Of course, so he'd have time to work on this system, swap the two of us, and land Radek in the infirmary."

"At least he knew more about it than you."

"You're going to judge which one of us does better science?"

"No, I'm telling you to work with the science you've got."

Rodney walked to the open control panel.

"Don't touch," John said behind him.

"Wasn't planning to." Rodney noticed a partially blackened wire connection. "Miko, bring up Radek's first picture of this panel and hold it just beside here."

Miko did so without a word, even though it was harder for someone her height to hold the laptop in position than it would have been for Rodney.

"Look, this connection was blackened before Radek started, possibly from whatever the other me did. We need a multimeter to check the voltage."

Miko set down the computer and scurried to bring a multimeter. She hooked up the grounding clip and Rodney knew it should be safe, but the idea of Radek unconscious from electrocution pressed like a stone in his gut. "Wait."

He turned to John. "Look, this should be safe and give us readings that might show how Radek was hurt. However, if there's even a miniscule chance that the person who connects the next contact could be hurt or transported to an alternate universe, it makes sense to have me do it rather than Miko. First, I'm almost twice her mass and would withstand electric shock better. Second, I don't belong in this universe. Third, by your military calculations, I've got to count as more expendable with your Rodney missing and Radek incapacitated."

"I'll do it," John said.

Rodney threw his hands in the air and let loose. "Even by military standards, that is pea brained beyond even a dried split pea waiting to be soaked. Remember, you don't trust me. I'm not part of the group you're sworn to protect. You aren't sworn to protect scientists from electricity anyway. This isn't a military threat. You are needed here. You belong here. And who knows, there's some infinitesimal chance you'll get your Rodney back and I'll get back home. This is the logical, rational—"

While John held up a hand as if to silence him and raised a hand as if to interrupt, Rodney swiftly picked the multimeter and clips from Miko's light grip and made the final connection.

The screen showed 670 volts. "There, that's probably what zapped Radek, and quite possibly the other version of me took a similar shock before swapping into my universe—"

This time it was John who moved fast and silent to disconnect the multimeter probes, doing so in the correct order at least, and snatch the device away from Rodney, who let it go.

"Lieutenant!"

A young man carrying two mugs, presumably one tea and one coffee, replied with "Yes, sir" and came as close to attention as he could without spilling hot beverages.

"Escort McKay back to his quarters, now."

"John, this is ridiculous," Rodney muttered.

"Now, Lieutenant."

The young military man handed the tea to Miko, who thanked him. He risked a hesitant look at his commanding officer before handing Rodney the coffee and saying, "This way, Doctor McKay."

#

Ronon and Teyla showed up with lunch and a movie later in the day. Rodney who, had finally dozed off, jumped from his bed as a feeling of relief washed away the headache he'd been harboring.

"Is Radek okay?"

Ronon nodded, setting down a pile of pillows and a precariously balanced laptop.

Teyla asked, "How was your morning?"

"Unbearable. I have no bath supplies. They won't even let me shave. I'm not allowed to work. I've finished all the physics journals Radek collected. They won't let me visit him or even tell me how he's doing. Other than a silent guard passing me a tray at breakfast, I worried I'd been completely forgotten since they called me out to the pier in the wee hours of the morning."

"You have not received any news since then?" Teyla asked.

Rodney shook his head so fast it made him tremble.

"I'd wish myself back in the infirmary if it meant I could see Radek alive."

"Why don't the two of you start lunch without me? I will return shortly." With that Teyla left.

Ronon dug into the tray of food without another word. Rodney forced himself to follow suit, building a thick sandwich with whatever the meat of the day and pseudo cheese were. They'd even brought some pickled vegetables he liked and a spread he knew to be citrus free.

Rodney had just finished his first sandwich and cup of coffee when Teyla returned and took his (mostly clean) hands in both of hers. "Radek is still in the infirmary. Both Dr. Beckett and Colonel Sheppard agreed we could visit, if you would like."

"So he's okay then? You must be the best diplomat in either universe. I didn't think John would ever let me leave the room after his attitude on the pier." Rodney felt himself ramping into hysteria and took a deep breath. It was one thing to act hysterical on his own behalf when it suited him, but in this case it would only make matters worse. "Can we go now?"

They made their way to the infirmary followed by Rodney's guards. Radek was awake and Carson was touching his wrist and speaking to him quietly. It struck Rodney how in that moment they seemed to be looking at each other with the same tenderness and care he was used to seeing on his Atlantis.

Rodney hesitated until Carson waved him over. "Perhaps you can amuse him for a spell. They don't tell you in medical school how difficult it is to keep scientists and soldiers entertained and make them rest after an injury."

"I'm sure in Scotland they tell you we'll all be meek as sheep."

"Spoken as someone who has spent no time around sheep."

"And is proud of it."

"Just don't get him riled up."

Rodney gave his most innocent scowl.

Carson walked away shaking his head, and Rodney took his place by the bed. Teyla and Ronon stood close behind. Rodney's guard took position at the infirmary door.

"How bad was it? If they'd let me work with you, I'm sure we could have prevented this. It's all so stupid, and I hate stupid even more when it leads to someone getting hurt."

"Why, Rodney, that may be the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

Rodney was set to protest with something mock lecherous when he remembered this wasn't that universe or that Radek. When he hesitated too long Teyla said, "No one told him you were awake. He'd been very upset."

"Probably most upset I didn't bring him reading material or come to entertain him."

"I'm standing right here," Rodney said. "And you know I wouldn't want anyone to get hurt trying to send me home. Did Miko tell you what we found? Has she found anything more? How badly were you hurt?"

Radek held up his far hand, the palm and fingers wrapped in gauze. "Not so bad. This is the worst of it. I keep telling them I can do my work with just one hand, but I think Carson likes my company."

Radek raised his eyebrows and caught Rodney's eye. Perhaps what he'd seen between Carson and Radek a minute before wasn't entirely in Rodney's imagination.

In the end, Rodney stayed to talk with Radek long after Teyla and Ronon left, so their movie had to be put off for another day.

#

"I'm told you'd like to shave," John said without preamble when he arrived with dinner for both of them that night.

"I don't think I can pull off the sexy when scruffy look, do you?" Rodney rubbed a hand along his chin and John rolled his eyes. The impersonal military façade from early morning was gone, and Rodney wondered at how changeable this John was. He also wondered if he was misreading John's reaction and interest when Rodney made such comments and flirted.

"If you can eat and shave in half an hour, Ronon and Teyla are saving us seats for the recital."

"I can go?" Somehow the simulations in Rodney's brain had overwhelmingly predicted continued confinement and John increasing his distance. Instead, John seemed to be standing closer than before and offering him comforts like shaving and entertainment.

"If I'm forced to go," John said, "It only seems fair that those who want to should attend. You'll sit between Ronon and myself in the back and not interact with anyone other than team. We discussed your situation during a meeting this afternoon. Once Zelenka's released from the infirmary tomorrow, he's going to set up an off the network laptop to let you review his work on the specialized environmental controls. You still can't go anywhere on your own or interact directly with networked systems, but you won't be considered a prisoner, just under observation."

Rodney's mouth fell open. He wanted to hug John. He wanted to do a little victory dance and explain how right he'd always been and how inevitable it was that John and others would finally see the light. Instead he smirked and said, "All that and dinner, too? I bet you're hoping I'll put out."

John swatted the back of his head, which felt remarkably intimate all things considered. Then they sat down and devoured their food in a decidedly unromantic way.

#

The first half of the recital was more like an amateur talent show than any well prepared performance. There was juggling, singing, sleight of hand, and a comedy routine about a man getting pregnant that made no sense to Rodney until he realized they hadn't worked out that option for men in this universe. However, the first half ended with Richard Woolsey singing from La Traviata while Miko accompanied on the piano. Rodney hadn't known Miko played, but he'd heard his own Richard sing the same piece before, and somehow it hit him like a kick in the gut.

At intermission, Ronon went to get snacks for their group and Teyla slid over to take Ronon's seat. She reached out and placed a hand over Rodney's, which he realized were still clenched together, and kept it there until Ronon handed them food. Teyla stayed beside him and even leaned against his shoulder for part of the second half. John didn't say anything, but he glanced at Rodney several times, and for a short while his knee rested so close that the shared heat through two layers of cloth was torture to Rodney's libido. It was beyond Rodney's objectivity to say whether the performances in the second half were better or just the company.

#

John escorted Rodney back to his room afterward.

Initially, when John followed him inside, Rodney assumed he was just waiting for the security detail to show up. Then John said, "Look, I'm sorry about this morning. We've dispensed with the security detail, but I need you to promise you won't leave this room on your own."

"Let me guess, you've found a way to have Atlantis inform you if I try to leave."

"It's not like that, Rodney."

And that was the first time this John had used Rodney's name. He was also standing closer than he had before, although it wouldn't have been noteworthy between the two of them back home.

"What's it like then?"

"You know." John reached out a hand to pull Rodney closer.

There was no way that move was anything but a come on in any universe. Rodney wanted to climb inside the other man's skin he needed him so badly, but he couldn't forget for a moment that this wasn't his John.

"You've never done this with the other me, have you?"

"Nope." John shifted his hand to cup one side of Rodney's ass.

Rodney didn't understand John's sudden change in behavior, but his cock responded without any brain intervention.

"You don't think you'll freak out if he comes back? You won't panic and avoid me as soon as we're done?"

"If I freak out, I'll keep it short and to myself."

"I'm good at comforting you through freak outs." Rodney closed the gap between them and let his hands slide down John's back and over his ass.

John pushed forward into him, and they were both definitely hard.

Then John nudged Rodney backward until he was braced against the wall and slid down Rodney's body until his breath was hot along Rodney's fly.

It had been too long or just too alone. Rodney had to think of ice and Antarctica to slow his body down and keep control.

Then John's fingers traced his waistband, opened his fly. In one motion Rodney's trousers and briefs were down around his knees and John's tongue was teasing the crown of Rodney's cock. John had a strong, flexible tongue, and whatever the rules might have been in this universe, he knew what he was doing. He teased the slit, traced precisely around the ridge. Then with a broad wet stroke, John licked up the length and opened his mouth to swallow Rodney down almost to the base of his cock.

Rodney groaned and melted. He would have fallen if not for the wall. It wasn't that the other John never moved this fast, but it wasn't at all what Rodney would expect for their first time together in any universe. John had enough technique to prove his experience, even if he didn't know Rodney's personal hot spots. Maybe he wanted to be fast and dominant, and god, Rodney could happily give in.

But Rodney really wanted more this time, and maybe he was fooling himself, but he thought there was a tension in John that wasn't all the good kind.

"Incredible, amazing, but please, John, I want to take you to bed."

John looked up through the eyelashes of his half closed eyes. His lips were stretched around Rodney's cock, just part way down with the change in position.

After a moment, John's tongue beat a pulsing rhythm on the spot below Rodney's crown where so many nerve endings converged.

Rodney groaned again and jerked an inch forward despite himself.

John raised a hand to roll Rodney's balls and trace the smooth skin behind. The next time John deep throated and swallowed a couple times, Rodney whined high and small in the back of this throat and gave himself completely to whatever John wanted to do.

What John did was fondle, lick, and suck in the most masterful blow job Rodney could remember from a first encounter. It was true his John knew him better and could keep him on edge indefinitely by playing his hot spots and reading his tells. But their first time had been nothing like this. Rodney was overwhelmed to have the full intensity of a surprisingly high strung but amorous John going at it for all he was worth.

Rodney called upon what mental discipline he could as John started in with a series of drawn out sucks from base to crown. One of John's hands worked underneath while the other kept control at Rodney's hip. John let his lips drag wetly as he started to hum.

Rodney gasped out "coming" before he shot for what felt like minutes, and John swallowed it down and sucked around him until Rodney was spent and collapsing.

"Bed, please," Rodney managed to whisper when his senses cleared enough to notice his awkward position and bunched up clothes.

John helped him back to standing.

As Rodney kicked his pants and shoes off all in one pile he let his eyes run up John's body and said, "Clothes off, now."

John removed his jacket carefully, not putting on a show, but eyes fixed on Rodney and showing a constant awareness. After the jacket, John bunched the bottom of his black tee in both hands and pulled that smoothly over his head.

It was amazing how well Rodney knew that chest. His eyes instantly catalogued half a dozen scars, all the same as his John, and followed the trail of hair down to where John was opening his fly.

John's erection was red and proud, glistening at the tip. Rodney felt the urge to fall to his knees and suck but he didn't give in. He watched John pull every stitch of clothing off and then said, "Lie down on the bed."

John's eyes were wide and dark. He hesitated but then went to lie on his back, one knee bent toward the ceiling and an arm propped under his head.

Rodney bided his time as he slipped out of his shirt and moved to the foot of the bed where he could enjoy the display of golden skin and long muscles. Then he crawled up John's body, stopping to lick a sensitive spot on John's inner thigh.

John bucked, surprised. So Rodney took his time to lick and then very gently suck each of John's balls. John held himself rigid throughout. He was so sensitive and desired such light pressure there that they both had to be careful to avoid any sudden movements.

Rodney crawled farther up and could see the disappointment on John's face, mask completely discarded, as Rodney bypassed his cock.

John reached up to touch, but Rodney caught his hands and guided them to rest spread open across the bed. "Stay like this for me?"

Sometimes John liked to be tied up, and Rodney was good at tying. But he had found nothing for that purpose in this Rodney's room. He hadn't found any sex toys or massage items either, just a tube of some generic lube and a few standard issue condoms. He wondered how repressed people in this universe were and if they even knew about concepts like bondage and toys like cock rings and anal plugs.

Now was not the time to ask. He was grateful when John nodded and kept his arms out as Rodney had requested.

Then Rodney lapped like a cat at John's left nipple. He used the roughest section in the center of his tongue until that nipple was a pointy hard nub, and then he switched to the other side. Repeating the pressure and texture caused John to push up beneath Rodney, rutting against him.

Rodney moved his right leg between John's and lowered himself so John could rub but couldn't move too much. Then Rodney petted the outside of John's right thigh with one hand while he sucked long and slow at John's left nipple. Usually he could keep John needy but not desperate for an hour by falling back on moves like these. This John calmed a little, but he was still tense and almost frantic with need. Rodney shifted his hand behind John's neck so he could massage the scalp and hairline. Instead of looking calmer, John's eyes blinked in confusion.

Rodney shifted up John's body and led into a kiss. At first he teased John's lips gently. Then he sucked a little at the lower one before tracing with the tip of his tongue.

All at once John relaxed into Rodney's hand on his neck. His mouth opened to Rodney's kiss, and while he let Rodney lead, John's tongue seemed to move in counterpoint to each move. Curling around, sliding along, taking turns tracing teeth. They kissed until both of their mouths were swollen around the lips, and Rodney thought this was more like what their first time together should be. He looked down upon his dazed and pliant lover and smiled.

John's echoing smile was so sincere and appreciative that Rodney had to kiss him again, chapped lips and stuttered breathing be damned.

When he'd worked them both up to panting hard he eased his way along John's jaw to his ear, kissing and nibbling. Then he took his time with John's ear, testing every sensitive spot and teasing with breath and tongue until John was writhing under him.

"You have the most wonderful ears," Rodney whisper wetly.

John gasped. Little breathy gasps made Rodney wild and got him half hard again. Rodney teased himself by brushing his cock along the groove beside John's hip. John thrust up harder, his cock full and leaking liberally at the tip.

"Don't worry. I won't leave you hanging, just let me do this."

John made a sound in his throat that was half gasp and half whine. Rodney knew how long he could make the other John wait, and how much he liked it, but this John was desperate and didn't have the same experiences. Rodney moved to straddle him, placing their cocks side by side but denying John friction as Rodney sat mostly upright with John's hips pinned beneath him.

Then Rodney leaned just a little forward, providing a little more friction, and traced along Johns pecs, first lightly, then firmly, then circling.

John's expression was half sweet submission and half mutinous. Of the two of them, John wanted to be dominated far more often, but this John seemed uncertain, as if he might not understand what was happening or what he was feeling.

Rodney leaned a little further and kissed each of John's nipples as he slid his hands gently up and down John's inner arms. For some reason, John was very sensitive along his inner forearms and tended to melt into a pliant heap when stroked there in a certain way. Rodney stroked and kissed until John looked blissed beyond words. It was a very good look on him.

Rodney appreciated the view as he kissed and stroked and massaged anyplace he could reach on John's torso and arms. He felt powerful as nearly everything he'd learned about his lover turned out to be true here as well. With each move he was aware that he'd been given the chance to do this for someone so like his John but who had clearly never been with a lover who took the time to know him half as well. Rodney could have played all night, exploring and relearning.

But he was conscious that John hadn't come yet tonight, possibly hadn't made love with another person in quite a while. Rodney didn't want to abuse the power he had, didn't want John to feel overwhelmed or at a disadvantage. Whatever John understood about his own sexual nature, this night was a huge gift of trust.

Rodney slowly worked each inch of skin within reach until John was sensitized and almost shivering in anticipation. Both of their cocks were fully hard, and Rodney deftly warmed some lube on his right hand before wrapping it around them both.

John's eyes flew wide with sensory overload and he was instantly panting and whining high in his throat. His need was so primal that he kept breaking rhythm, working against what both he and Rodney wanted.

Rodney's desire leapt proportionately at seeing the effect he was having, but he kept enough rational thought to maintain the rhythm and positioning they both needed.

John was finally caught up in the shared motion and rhythm. His arms pressed into the mattress so naturally that he seemed to have forgotten them.

Rodney pressed little kisses on his shoulder and collar bone. He whispered close to John's ear. "You're so perfect. Go with it. Let me feel you."

Then John was coming, spurting far up onto both their chests, stream after stream as Rodney drained him then let himself go. He carefully removed his hand when he sensed John was too sensitive for more.

Once Rodney caught his breath, he saw John lying completely relaxed, more than half asleep. His arms were still where Rodney had put them. His body flushed and damp. The majority of both their come covered John's torso, and Rodney reached for his own discarded shirt to clean up as well as he could. Then he moved John's unresisting arms to what he thought would be a more comfortable position and folded the remainder of the blanket around them as he pressed up along John's side.

*** Point of View #1 ***

When Radek finally returned to the east pier carrying the white laptop, Rodney let out a "hmph."

"What is your complaint now?" Radek asked with a squeeze to his left shoulder.

"You took so long, I was hoping you'd stopped to bring us coffee."

"Maybe I stopped to drink it all myself."

"Maybe I'm too cold to work out here without coffee."

"Maybe you're not allowed to do typing anyway."

"Maybe," John interrupted, placing his free hand on Rodney's right arm before the scientists' exchange became too rapid fire, "You should both check whatever you brought that laptop out here to check for."

"Hmph," Rodney said again.

Radek shifted so his right arm brushed Rodney's left as he opened the laptop and partially averted his eyes as Rodney logged in one handed. Then they both looked at the set of files in the science folder as John paced away as if walking a perimeter.

"Anything?" Radek asked.

"Nothing." Rodney kicked at the ground. It looked like his counterpart in this universe had far fewer files in the science directory for side projects and late night research. Perhaps his late nights were otherwise occupied, but Rodney resented the loss at the moment.

"Could it be in different directory?"

"No, this is where I put it."

Radek bumped against him with a huff. "You said you barely remembered. Maybe you put it in other directory?"

"Or maybe I deleted it at some point and forgot that. I could try some data retrieval. Surely it wouldn't hurt for me to work on my own laptop. You could disable the network connection."

"Do you remember anything more?"

Rodney felt his face warm into a blush despite the cold night air. "For some reason, I can barely remember knowing anything about that panel, just a flash of fear brought it to mind when John almost touched it."

John rounded on him, and Lorne, Ronon, and Teyla all glanced over at the sudden move. "Could you have forgotten because it got you electrocuted?"

Rodney sifted through possibilities, initially liking that idea better than thinking he'd repressed something from the night of the storm. But the idea of forgetting the very science he might need to get home because he'd been electrocuted the last time he tried whatever it was turned out to be more depressing by far.

Radek's mind must have traced some of the same paths because he clasped Rodney's shoulder and said. "Don't worry about it. What did you call the system you thought you remembered?"

"Specialized environmental controls."

Radek gave Rodney's shoulder a final squeeze and rushed to retrieve his datapad from Lorne as he set aside the useless laptop. "Let's see if I can find mention in Atlantis systems."

It took only a couple of minutes, which was a small miracle in itself. "Lucky us. Information is actually in logical place under 'environmental systems.'"

"Yes, that's a very logical place to list a potentially dangerous system that might electrocute people or cause memory loss," Rodney scoffed.

John stepped close to rub Rodney's back even as he kept one hand on the gun he'd checked out from the armory, as if he still thought the threat might turn out to be invading forces. "You think it's a bug or a feature?"

"Even the ancients weren't that—"

"Wait," Zelenka interrupted. "Some math here references a weather averaging feature. Very strange, but it might involve sharing extreme events between multiple alternate realities to lessen severity."

Rodney's stomach clenched. "Is there anything those pathetic Ancient excuses for scientists—"

"Rodney, we disconnected the city's lightning rods to conduct power through the city to power a shield during our one large storm." Radek muttered as he typed. "We may not have the moral high ground."

"But if the power surge was caused from an alternate universe how can we—"

"In the lack of direct observation we must derive—"

"Excuse me," Teyla said, stepping in front of both scientists and placing her hands on their outer shoulders.

Both men looked at her.

"Is there a way to check if the system is safe now or is likely to do something more this night that would require our attentions out here on this pier?"

Rodney looked at her and then at Ronon, Lorne, and John. He turned to Radek. "Have there been any more anomalous energy readings?"

Radek shook his head.

"Speculating on the miniscule amount of information available at present, I hypothesize that whatever triggered the energy spike occurred in an alternate universe. At present, we have no means of monitoring or modeling what might occur there, and so we can make no predictions here. The best option would be for Radek and me to study the problem and model various scenarios. I do not believe any of you have a suitable skill set to assist with that, so you may as well go back to sleeping or running or whatever all you extremely fit types do at these excruciatingly early hours of the morning."

Rodney looked to John, who still had one hand kneading Rodney's shoulder. "Can Radek and I go back to work in a regular lab?"

John shifted his weight onto his heels, a move Rodney could only envy at the moment. "How about, I help set up a nice new lab for the two of you to work in, and Radek takes care of anything with access to other systems."

"But you don't need to be suspicious of me anymore." Rodney gestured to himself. "I protected you from the wacky Ancient weather system. Even if I forgot a few minutes, or even if I was somehow swapped with my double from an alternate universe. If everything's so close to identical, then I'm still trustworthy, right?" He tried not to think about how much the answer mattered. Whatever he'd privately concluded, he couldn't risk John seeing it written on his face.

"But we don't know and you don't remember, do you?" John wasn't really looking at him. He was staring into the dark around them with none of his usual flippancy.

"Well, not everything."

John raised his eyebrows.

"Okay, it would be better if we knew. But we can reconstruct whatever happened better if Radek and I can work together freely. Then we can fix it."

"And what if you were from an alternate universe that was trying to send the next big storm to hit us instead?"

Rodney went cold. Whatever he'd been hoping, it was suddenly clear that he'd lose John if he said all he could to prove he was from a different universe. So he tried to think like the Rodney from here. "We wouldn't do that to an alternate us."

"What if you thought the odds of the affected universe being damaged or even inhabited seemed very small? Remember _Rod?_ "

"That was a mistake." Rodney threw back his head, scenting defeat and then realizing it made his neck cold. "Think of all the times my big brain saved us because I didn't make mistakes."

"The point is that something happened that you don't remember and can't explain. Just moments ago, you shouted because something you'd forgotten might have hurt me. Until you recover your memories or sort out exactly what happened, it makes sense to be cautious. Now let's go set up a lab where you can share in solving this problem with Radek but not interact directly with city systems."

Rodney was preparing another volley of arguments when John reached his arm farther across Rodney's back to pull him in close to John's side. "Tell you what, I'll move your good coffee maker from the main physics lab to wherever the two of you set up."

"And we get the good coffee?"

John gave him a one armed hug.

#

John brought dinner to the lab that night and asked if Rodney wanted to attend the recital.

"No, no. Much too busy."

John rubbed his shoulders as he turned to Zelenka, "You skipping it, too?"

"Give my apologies to Lorne and the others."

"How did this become my job?" John rubbed Rodney's neck as he complained, so Rodney figured John didn't mind too much.

#

Rodney looked up to find John leaning against his makeshift desk in the makeshift lab they'd set up for him and Zelenka and the specialized environmental control research.

When Rodney blinked dry scratchy eyes at the improbably slouchy flyboy, John grinned.

"You have no idea what time it is, do you?"

Rodney squinted at the tiny numbers in the corner of his mostly empty, non-networked laptop. "A little past midnight? That's not so late."

John flicked a quick glance over at Zelenka who was also looking blurry eyed. "Can you imagine how Carson might take revenge on you for keeping Radek working for over twenty hours straight?"

Rodney thought about complaining, but he was pretty sure John was trying to drag him off to bed. With John. Both ranting and working lost some of their appeal under the circumstances.

#

When they made it to bed, John curled warmly around Rodney's back with an arm across Rodney's chest and both legs tucked against his thighs. Rodney tried to lie still, since John seemed intent on sleep tonight. But after twenty minutes of Rodney's lower body insisting it wanted sex, his brain lost the argument that sleep was a good investment for later.

Rodney thought he could test out if John was fully asleep or could be enticed into generating a few soporific post-sex endorphins. As slowly and carefully as possible, Rodney reached back and slid his fingertips up the side of John's thigh and across his ass.

In a sharp, painful instant John caught the straying hand by the wrist and yanked it behind Rodney's back. John's other hand clutched Rodney's throat so hard he couldn't make a sound.

Rodney had just long enough to wonder what he'd done wrong and if he was going to die before John released him. "Shit, what happened? You know not to sneak behind me when I'm asleep."

Tears came to Rodney's eyes. He thought it might be a natural reaction to almost choking. His heart was still racing and he felt hot and sweaty all along his back where John had been pressed against him. Rodney shook his head as he sat up, letting the covers fall to his lap as he cooled down and caught his breath.

John sat up, too. He clasped Rodney's knee through the blankets. "Sorry. You probably reached back in your sleep. I thought there wouldn't be a problem so long as I slept behind you or on my back. Did I hurt you?"

Rodney moved his shoulder, surprised that it wasn't dislocated or something terrible. He rubbed at his throat, which felt like it might bruise. But he was breathing now. His eyes blinked themselves clear. "I'm okay."

John sat silently beside him and rubbed calming circles around Rodney's knee.

As his back cooled to a clammy stickiness and then to a more tolerable dryness, Rodney wondered how many other important details he didn't know about the man he was sleeping with. He wondered if his John had similar reactions and Rodney had just been lucky to always use words rather than touch to wake his John when they shared a tent on away missions. Of course, in his universe, he'd been extra cautious about how he touched John in any situations that might be considered compromising.

"Sorry about that."

"I'm just glad I didn't really hurt you. Were you dreaming something sexy?"

"I don't remember now." Rodney didn't like lying to John, but he was pretty sure this wouldn't have happened with the Rodney who belonged here. He realized he could probably talk John into some stress relieving and sleep inducing sex now, but his erection had fled in his moment of terror.

"Maybe after we both get some sleep, I'll make it up to you. Deal?"

Rodney smiled and lay back down. John curled behind him, and despite everything, it felt good and safe to Rodney.

"Sweet dreams." John kissed the back of Rodney's neck.

#

Rodney woke from a dream about John rubbing off against his ass to the reality of John's morning wood nudging rhythmically against his ass. Rodney's entire body was already on board, and he pressed back.

John whispered in his ear, "Ready for a shower?"

"But, but, but…"

"Save water, shower with a friend." John's morning voice was rough and sent shivers down Rodney's spine.

"Excellent plan."

Rodney let himself be guided into the shower as John found a dozen ways to rub provocatively on the way there. Then he was standing under hot water as John washed his hair and sudsed his chest, as he let his wet cock tease along the cleft of Rodney's ass.

Rodney's eyes were only half open as he watched John pull a container of lube from the crowded rack of shower supplies. He wondered what the people who'd scoured his bathroom for threats had thought about that and the dozens of other products and luxury items this Rodney kept. He wondered if everyone in this universe was so openly hedonistic or if he was considered extreme, the way he had been for simply insisting on his prescription mattress back on his Atlantis.

When John's lubed hand encircled Rodney's erection, he leaned back into John's chest and hummed. His whole body felt hyper sensitive and the parts of his thinking that hadn't derailed from the hand job were swamped with sensations of water falling on his chest and John moving slickly behind him.

Then Rodney shifted too far back on his electrocuted heel and let out a sharp, "Ow."

John stilled but kept his hands on Rodney. "What's wrong?"

"My heel?"

"I thought showers were okay now?"

"I just put too much weight too far back."

"Well," John drawled, "That's easy to fix." Then he whispered roughly in Rodney's ear, "Lean forward, hands against the wall."

Rodney did as he was told, thereby shifting his weight forward on his feet.

With one hand still holding Rodney's cock, John slid down to his knees and licked in between Rodney's ass cheeks. This was something no one had ever offered Rodney before, something he hadn't been sure he'd want. It felt amazing.

John licked long stripes that would have made Rodney jerk and squirm, but John's hand on his cock kept him mostly in place. As John's tongue began to circle Rodney's hole it felt like all the water running down his back was tracing searing lines to his ass. Rodney heard himself moaning as John alternated between broad strokes and targeted attacks. Then his tongue was pressing into Rodney, who had never wanted anything in there so much.

When John rose off the floor Rodney started to whimper before John whispered hush and slid a slick finger where his tongue used to be. John used his finger in back and hand in front in synchrony until Rodney was pressing forward and back to John's rhythm.

When John slid a second finger in, Rodney realized this was leading up to fucking in the shower. Rodney's brain being otherwise engaged was all that saved him from an obvious show of panic. Despite having rather a lot of brief sexual experiences with guys, Rodney had never actually been fucked. He had fielded plenty of offers, some well meant and others not. He'd been fingered before and liked it well enough, but he hadn't stayed with any guy long enough to want to take that final step.

A burst of pleasure from his prostate interrupted Rodney's worrying and left him panting without words. John took that as a signal to reposition Rodney, using the hand that used to be on Rodney's cock to adjust Rodney's hands against the wall and press his lower back down. The fingers inside of Rodney were now rubbing back and forth over just the right spot. It made him desperate for more. He rocked his hips back to find more pressure.

John rested his free hand on Rodney's hip, limiting his movement. "Can you spread your feet a bit more without hurting your heel?"

Rodney managed it, grateful for the non-slip texture of Ancient shower floors and the practically infinite supply of hot water. John shifted his fingers, stretching Rodney even as he glided in and out pressing Rodney's prostate almost every time. Rodney was overwhelmed with gratitude for everything Ancient, everything that brought him to Atlantis, and even the accident that had brought him to this John Sheppard who knew how to make Rodney feel pleasure he hadn't known he was capable of. It was a relief to be incapable of forming words, because Rodney didn't know what he might say. He moaned.

As his lust and pleasure grew, Rodney wondered if he could come from what John was doing. Even though John was no longer touching his cock, Rodney felt like he was hovering on the brink. He almost didn't care about coming so long as John didn't stop what he was doing inside. The pleasure and endorphins blasted through his entire body, every nerve, every square inch of skin.

John pulled back and pushed in with what must be three fingers. It was even better. Rodney felt warm and full and perfect. He wanted John to fuck him so he could feel everything. Even if it hurt a bit, which he'd been told it would at first, Rodney wanted more and harder. He tried to say the words but was pretty sure what came out was incoherent. It didn't matter. He wanted whatever John would give him. He trusted John to know what he would want and lost himself in the sensations.

There was a moment of pain. Then John went still inside him and said, "You're so tight. Is it okay for me to move?"

The words seemed to make it all right. In that moment Rodney wanted desperately for John to move inside him. But there were no words. Rodney's body did the only thing it could and pressed back against John.

"Oh, god," John said. "You are so hot and perfect."

The words rang in Rodney's head. He felt perfect, but that was because of John. John was moving in him, pulling back slowly, pushing in fast and hard. Rodney was close to losing it. He wanted it fast and hard right against his prostate, but it seemed he couldn't come just from this. Instead, he was burning up from the inside. Maybe there wouldn't be anything left afterward. He didn't care. It felt too good. It was too much. Rodney heard sounds, some of them low and some almost squeals. Sometimes there were two sounds at once, but Rodney couldn't tell which were his and which were John's. All he could tell was that John was moving faster inside him. Then John's hand stroked Rodney's cock a few times and he exploded into an orgasm so long and hard it almost hurt.

The next thing Rodney knew, he was sitting on the floor of the shower with John's legs on either side of him. John was moving Rodney's right leg so it rested on top of John's. Rodney was drifting and didn't think he could move his body himself.

John asked, "Are you okay?"

"So good. And you?"

He felt John laugh as much as he heard it. Rodney wasn't sure what was funny, but he was glad John was happy. He vaguely remembered John shouting as he came sometime during Rodney's incredibly intense orgasm. Rodney wondered how John had the presence of mind to get them safely to the floor. Then he realized John had moved Rodney's leg to protect his hurt heel. That was why he'd asked if Rodney was okay and laughed when Rodney asked back. Finally figuring it out made Rodney laugh, which made John laugh. The water falling on them was still warm. Rodney wanted to stay there forever.

#

"This is just a variation on the math used to distribute lightning between lightning rods in alternate universes. If you integrate over the surface of each shield—"

Radek bumped against Rodney's shoulder as he interrupted. "The math, I see. The underlying physics, I do not trust. The lightning rods are mere conduits. The shield is a complicated piece of engineering that can be tuned to focus energy to counteract impacting energy or objects. If the impacts are averaged across universes we cannot observe then we cannot optimize—"

"We'd be hard pressed to optimize shields during a storm anyway—"

"What if we were attacked during a storm, as you'll recall we were before, but by ships rather than through the gate."

"By whom? The wraith darts are as vulnerable to disturbances within atmosphere as our puddle jumpers, probably more—"

"There could be—"

An unexpected Scottish brogue cut through the argument. "Why are you both working standing up with Rodney on his toes in very dirty socks?"

"Um." Rodney felt himself blush and hated his pale skin. "That's not important. The question is whether averaging extreme weather events, like the storm that almost took out the city in our first year, would weaken our defense against a simultaneous attack from some unknown advanced power that enjoyed piloting through—"

"There could be many terrors waiting," Carson agreed with a smile. "Hopefully they will not appear tonight. I am ready to go to sleep. While John told me he'd be working late and asked me to see Rodney got to bed as well, I think I should also check on that foot." He turned to glare at Rodney. "Have you been standing on it all day?"

"No, only when I was tired of sitting. It's actually quite comfortable to type standing up, much like Jefferson and Churchill. There's historical precedent for the ergonomic benefits of standing desks. I think it's better for my back, too."

"Is not his back that got a work out last night." Radek raised his eyebrows and his lover smiled. Then he glared again at Rodney, but his obvious amusement softened the look.

While people commonly joked that Rodney had no filter between his thoughts and his mouth, it was easy for Rodney to turn and fetch his single shoe without saying that the act in question had only happened that morning and that his body was new to such things. Rodney had no desire to discuss such intimate details in a work setting, and if he was going to admit to differences between this and his own universe, he thought he should probably tell John first. Of course, if he could figure out how to return to his own universe before he had to confess, then his reward for honesty would be going home rather than being distrusted and removed from work. He'd hoped to have another night or two of amazing sex with John before they reached that point.

"What's John doing anyway?"

"I dunna have any idea. Now let's go check your foot and get you to bed."

Back in Rodney's room Carson cleaned Rodney's injured heel while Radek waited with both their computers and all their notes safely in his possession. "The skin is healing well. It should be fine for baths now as well as showers, and you don't need a bandage anymore—so long as you wear clean socks. It will still be sore to stand on for a few days, so you might want to lay off the rough sex. I assume there's nothing else you'd like me to check on?"

Carson spoke the words in a professional tone but smiled at Rodney nonetheless. He patted Rodney's shoulder when Rodney just shook his head. "Honestly, I'm glad you're feeling up to it. After all the possibilities we worried about three nights back, it's good to see you looking so cheerful. Now get some sleep."

Radek stopped to squeeze Rodney's arm as well, and Rodney forced himself off the bed to pat each of them on the back as they left. The constant touching in this universe still didn't come naturally to Rodney, but it came as a quick afterthought at least.

When he brushed his teeth and prepared for bed, Rodney disliked the silence in his room. He kept glancing over his shoulder or opening his mouth to say something and realizing that he was alone for the first time in days. Back in his own Atlantis, Rodney had slept alone every night and worked alone many evenings. Now there was an uncomfortable itchy feeling under his skin, and Rodney realized he was lonely.

When he climbed into bed and pulled the covers over his head, he remembered John saying that was how Rodney comforted himself. He also remembered how John had done it better. Like loneliness, wanting to be comforted was something Rodney wouldn't have considered or known how to label a few days back. Now the absences in his life seemed like empty molds needing to be filled. Rodney didn't like needing something outside his own control, but the feelings of emptiness seemed to grow the longer Rodney lay curled up beneath the covers.

He reached back and poked cautiously at his still tender ass. Annoying as it had been to sit carefully or stand all day, Rodney had partly enjoyed the constant reminder of what he'd done, what he'd let John do. Even if John didn't know it was his first time, he'd made it good for Rodney, amazingly good. Rodney didn't regret it. But he had assumed that John would be with him tonight. He'd been able to shove aside any disappointment when John didn't join him for lunch or dinner, because he'd had work to occupy him. He'd fully intended to keep working until John came, until John was there to touch him again. John had completely rewritten what touch and sex meant to Rodney, and Rodney liked the new version. Except now he was alone and empty. It wasn't like he was ready to be fucked again. It was something bigger that Rodney was only starting to understand. But he needed John. He couldn't sleep like this. All day he'd held on to part of what John had given him, and he didn't want to lose that to feeling lonely or empty or whatever was keeping him awake.

Eventually, Rodney climbed out of bed, pulled on his robe, and turned on the light. He hadn't had a chance to investigate small differences in his room before, so he set himself to cataloging and examining the changes. Looking through his dresser, he found several shirts and a set of exercise clothes in softer material than he'd ever owned before. The underwear drawer contained some exciting bits of silk and satin along with his traditional cotton briefs, but the greater surprise was a blue canvas bag of sex toys. Rodney laid the contents on his bed one by one, cataloging two dildos, two cock rings, an anal plug, and some very soft black rope. At least he knew what those were used for. There was a knobby plastic device and a string of beads that he could only guess about based on their shape. There were also several tubs of ointments that Rodney opened, smelled and touched with a single finger. The one that smelled a bit like ginger and made his finger tingle was enough to get Rodney hard just thinking about it.

He glanced at the door, wondering if John would join him in the middle of the night or if they usually spent some nights apart. Rodney opened the lowest dresser drawer where John's grooming kit, a spare uniform, and a couple of other bits of clothing were stored. It wasn't that much, so Rodney assumed John had a room of his own and probably slept there some nights.

Rodney looked back at the toys on his bed. While he'd enjoyed the activity that morning a million times more than he'd expected to, his ass wasn't up to much experimenting tonight. His cock on the other hand, was still very excited about the tingly ointment he'd found.

After putting everything except the ointment away to clear his bed, Rodney stripped to his skin and pulled the covers back on his bed. He thought about experimenting privately in the bathroom, but his feet really were sore from standing so much. The only person likely to walk in on him was John, and Rodney found he kind of liked that idea. So he lay back on his bed, dipped two fingers in the ointment, and gently glided them up his mostly erect cock.

At first the sensation was almost a tickle. Combined with the scent that reminded him of gingerbread, he felt a little like laughing. He wrapped his hand more firmly and gave himself a couple of pulls to counteract the tickle and found himself fully erect and pleasantly sensitive. Then he traced his finger around the crown of his cock and along the slit, teasing himself and letting the new sensations build to a sort of prickly warmth. His breath came faster, and it was almost like being with someone else to feel so much that he couldn't anticipate.

The heat grew until the tingly sensation felt more like sizzling. It was almost painful, but Rodney's cock was swollen tighter than he's ever felt it. His breath came in gasps and his abdominal muscles trembled as waves of heat spread outward from his groin. Any part of his cock not covered by his hand seemed to buzz while the parts he pressed experienced a deeper, more concentrated sensation.

A small part of his brain worried that if it all became too intense, he might need to wash off in the shower. But his muscles were starting to feel twitchy and uncoordinated. He didn't know if he could make it to the shower. Really, he thought he could come at any moment. The hand on his cock moved fast and light, following instincts of its own. His other hand reached down to cradle his balls and press a little behind. For several seconds Rodney was shivering and taut. Then he was coming in long warm pulses that left him limp and drained.

Except his cock still felt all a buzz. The skin was almost too sensitive to touch, but if he took his hand away the sensation was maddening, somewhere between a tickle and a pins and needles feeling. It was better to keep his hand gently covering as much skin as possible, keeping himself right on the edge between pleasure and pain.

It was hard not to doze after such a long day culminated in another amazing orgasm, but Rodney thought there was no way he'd fall asleep without washing off.

He was wrong and woke an hour later to find himself still collapsed on his back with his hand around his cock. His cock was hard and had that sizzling feeling again, only now the sizzling seemed to have spread with his sweat to include his balls, perineum, and hole. He wanted to wash off, because he thought a third orgasm in one day might be a bit painful. But as he started rolling his balls in his free hand and sliding a finger to just tease his hole, his curiosity won out. He lay with his eyes closed letting both his hand work in tandem, not knowing if he could come again and not sure he'd mind if he couldn't.

At some point he tried to rub away an itchy spot where come had splattered his chest and found there was still enough ointment on his hands to transfer to his nipples. He slid his hand down from his chest, along his stomach, and back to his cock letting the more widespread but diluted sensations spread across his skin until he was squirming and thrusting into his hands.

As he came again, Rodney felt something like awe and relief. He lay exhausted and relaxed for only a few moments before forcing himself to stumble into a warm shower and rinse thoroughly. He fell back in bed still somewhat damp but extremely content.

#

In the morning, Rodney woke alone. He decided he needed another shower and then changed the sheets on his bed. John hadn't shown up, but Rodney still felt loose and lazy, so it was hard to feel too lonely. He was glad he still had John's razor so he could shave.

Once he was dressed and ready, Rodney wondered what he should do next. He'd agreed not to go anywhere on his own, and he still didn't have a clock or any way to know what time it was. In the end, Rodney lay back down on his bed and fell asleep.

He awoke to Radek pounding on his door.

"You are still asleep?" Radek asked as Rodney ran hands over his hair to make sure it wasn't too tousled.

"I fell back asleep waiting. I still have no clock and am completely at the mercy of others."

Radek ran hands through his own hair, making it look more tousled than before. "We can swing by mess hall before heading back to work."

From the sparse food and few people in the mess hall, Rodney concluded he was fairly late for breakfast. Radek only took a muffin and coffee for himself, and Rodney suspected the man had already eaten and only come looking when Rodney didn't appear to work. The thought that he'd been forgotten stung a bit, but Rodney was still feeling pretty mellow from more sex than he'd ever known before in such a short time period. He piled a plate high with food, took the largest coffee mug available, and followed Radek to their private lab.

A few hours later they had a breakthrough of sorts.

"This, look here!" Radek held out his networked laptop, the one Rodney wasn't allowed to touch. "What do you think this variation means?"

Rodney stared. "That's where the food units differed from the culling beams, except this is set up like a culling beam, to transport humans."

"Yes, and the code from yesterday was all about transferring energy and force from weather. Now why would they want to send people and how do they find the energy?"

They were still arguing the point when Carson brought a lunch tray for all three of them to share. Carson took polite bites of his soup, each time scooping away from himself, placing the spoon in his mouth and then setting it down. Several times he patted his mouth with a napkin, as Rodney and Radek bombarded him with their evolving theories.

"It would make sense for an evacuation—" Rodney said around a mouthful of sandwich.

Radek swallowed his last bite of sandwich. "Except it draws no power—"

"Small amounts are drawn from wave motion or atmospheric charge or pressure, as with the weather averaging—" Rodney finished his sandwich just as Radek picked up a long slice of melon.

"But that shouldn't be enough to transport even one person—"

"Unless a counterweight was exchanged—" Rodney picked up another half sandwich.

"Which would make no sense for evacuation—"

"But perhaps for negotiations—"

"Or to make sure one universe can't invade without being invaded—"

"But during a severe weather event, one person would be fleeing danger and the other would land in the middle of it—" Radek finished a slice of melon.

"Except if the weather function operates at the same time, so both sides—" Rodney waved a flapping bit of sandwich.

"Have the same weather—"

"Yes."

"But then why?" Radek asked over his coffee.

"Because the Ancients were illogical, inconsiderate, irritating loons." Rodney tucked a last bite of sandwich in his mouth.

"What, you do not enjoy your visit to our universe?"

Rodney began to sputter out bits of sandwich, and Carson handed him a napkin.

By the time Rodney finished sputtering, both Radek and Carson were silently watching and waiting for his answer.

"Why do you assume I'm from another universe?"

"Rodney, lad, don't you think it's time to be honest with us?" Carson rested a hand on Rodney's knee and kept it there. His eyes looked a little too liquid, and Rodney had to look away.

"There's no way to know for sure."

"But you at least suspected days ago." Radek's tone was bitter, not hurt. "You had never told Lorne you'd perform in recital. I asked to test you and you pretended to remember something that had never happened, at least not here."

"I was worried about not remembering stuff."

"I answered you honestly, and you lied to me."

"You won't even let me access the database."

"Because we can't trust you."

"And John as good as said I couldn't be trusted if I was from an alternate universe or if I had gaps in my memory. So the only way to be trusted and allowed to work is to disprove either of those."

"Even if it means lying to offer false proof?"

Rodney waved his arms in short, angry bursts, wanting to argue but recognizing a checkmate and knowing there was no further move but to concede. "It's not fair."

"No, lad. Life isn't always fair." Carson squeezed his knee.

Radek stood and paced. "How long did you know?"

"For certain?"

"Enough that you chose to lie, to present false data either socially or scientifically."

"I didn't lie about any science."

"No?" Radek polished his glasses on his shirt violently enough that Rodney thought he might break them. "You do not think, when discussing whether a system might transport people that knowing it already has is relevant scientific data?"

"I didn't know for sure that the specialized environmental controls were responsible. I was doing my best to help figure it out with you."

"With me? If we discovered it was broken or that you couldn't go back, would you ever have told me the truth?"

Rodney looked at his friend, a friend at home and all over again in a different universe, even if they had only been working together for a few days here. "I just wanted to work and be trusted. I don't know what your Rodney is like, but I'm not good at people stuff. I need my work or else I'd go crazy."

"You are the most impossible, egotistical, self-centered person I have ever known. I do not know why I like you. Either version of you."

Rodney couldn't help but smile at that. "You like me anyway?"

"I am still very angry with you."

"That's fair."

Carson squeezed his knee. "You better tell us all of it now. And I want the bits relevant to a doctor, too. When I teased John about being too rough with you, he swore he hadn't been. Then he said something ridiculous about paperwork and ran off. Now I'm thinking whatever had you preferring not to sit most of yesterday might also have tipped John off, even before I spoke to him. And I don't know how John is in your universe, but here he's a little challenged about sorting his emotions. I'll be very disappointed if your lying hurt John."

"Oh god." Rodney buried his face in his hands and started to hyperventilate.

Carson's hand disappeared from his knee, and Rodney's throat tightened more. Then a warm arm wrapped around his back. "Calm down, Rodney. Whatever mess the two of you are in, we'll help you work it out. Isn't that how it works where you're from?"

#

The afternoon was very quiet. Radek didn't stomp or yell. He typed silently at the only useful computer and occasionally showed Rodney the results of simulations he ran. Rodney tried ranting and objecting at first, but Radek gave every appearance of not listening. Because he couldn't touch Radek's computer and couldn't leave the room, Rodney gradually grew silent as well. He tried to run simulations on the laptop he was allowed to use, but without network access, it was too slow to process equations involving multiple universes. So Rodney experimented with the basic math for both the specialized environmental controls and the food storage machines in the newly discovered dining hub. He demonstrated ways to exclude citric acid or select only a specific chemical compound. But the math used to select only people involved assumptions he didn't understand.

When he tried to talk it through out loud, Radek eventually gave up his silence to say, "Take it as given there is much you do not understand about people. Now be quiet and let me work."

#

Carson dragged them to the mess hall for dinner that night. He and Radek found constant small ways to touch, and Radek mostly seemed to be leaning into Carson, even as they ate. Rodney felt like an intruder. He glanced around the mess watching all the conversational touches, the legs and shoulder casually brushing together, the arms resting against backs, rubbing shoulders, stroking necks. The empty loneliness grew in Rodney again and he wished he could go back to work. He was pretty sure John would never touch him again.

It was a shock after dinner when Carson said, "I'm supposed to take you to John's room."

Rodney knew it couldn't mean anything good. Part of his brain flashed through vision and touch memories that he had to stifle. He could almost be happy to see John, even if John was angry or disappointed in him, but he couldn't go there feeling desperate or needy. He needed to rebuild his defenses and distance himself from the John he'd known in this universe.

The moment he stepped into John's room, it all went to hell.

First, it was Lorne waiting for him inside John's door. Carson and Radek stayed in the hall as the door shut.

Inside, the room lights were dim. It took time for Rodney's eyes to adjust. He saw a tall, light haired figure sitting off to one side in what appeared to be full expedition uniform. On the other side, a man with dark hair was tied spread-eagled to a wall. His wrists and ankles were bound with dark rope and his only clothing was a pair of dark colored boxers. As Rodney's eyes adjusted, it was the scar from the iratus bug that he focused on. He didn't dare look up or down.

"Seriously, John," Lorne paced as he spoke, "What were you thinking? I can tell from one look at his face that he's never seen you like this before."

Rodney wondered why his other self had seen John tied to the wall before. Did John get off on bondage or was this some form of military discipline here? Having Lorne and another man present didn't fit with the first but the second didn't fit with what Rodney had seen of this universe so far. Then again, he wasn't that good at understanding people. He had to remember. He didn't want to hurt John any more than he already had.

John spoke without looking up, without moving his head or the neck muscles by the iratus scar Rodney had fixated upon. "Carson said he'd been traumatized, lost some memory. We thought he might be suicidal."

"You didn't believe that when you set up a separate lab for him and Zelenka."

"I was taking precautions."

"Why John?"

"He seemed a little off."

"You knew by then that he wasn't the same Rodney."

"He wasn't the same, but he is Rodney."

"You said he hadn't been penetrated in a long time if ever. Physically, he's not the same person."

"SGC reports Daniel returned in perfect health and scar-free when he de-ascended."

"You thought he'd ascended?" For the first time Lorne's voice rose. Whether it was amusement or surprise, Rodney couldn't tell.

"No. Maybe. I'm just saying, stuff happens here. He could have lost memories and had physical changes without being a different person. Anyway…"

"Anyway?"

John turned his face away until Lorne stepped forward and ran a hand down John's cheek in a move that was more a caress than a correction. To Rodney, the scene looked like something out of some type of porn he'd rarely watched, but with John in just his boxers, it was clear he wasn't aroused.

"Anyway," John continued, "It was better than thinking he'd been suicidal and I hadn't even known."

"You were feeling needy, weren't you?"

"No! Yes. That didn't matter. Even if he acted different, he was still Rodney. I mean none of us are the same year to year. At the point when you wouldn't leave someone no matter what, you've sort of committed to lots of versions of them anyway."

"Damn it, John," Lorne stepped forward and petted John's hair, "Tied up and brought down into a safer headspace, you're a pretty insightful human being."

Rodney agreed. His one serious relationship, with Jennifer, couldn't hold a candle to that level of devotion. Then he thought about his relationship with John over the years, even if they hadn't thought of it as a relationship in the other universe. They'd both changed a lot, but Rodney hadn't worried in years about either of them rejecting the other, and he could never have rejected this John either.

John's eyes flickered closed as he rubbed into Lorne's petting. "Thank you, Evan."

The tender moment blocked Rodney's view of the scar on John's neck, and he didn't feel comfortable watching whatever was going on between John and Lorne. Instead, he studied John's room. It still held all of John's familiar belongings: guitar, surfboard, Johnny Cash poster, depressing literature, ridiculous sparkly curtains. But there were carvings and what Rodney could only guess as puzzle boxes or the Pegasus versions of executive desk toys lining the dresser, and one corner of the room was filled with a nest of pillows like the ones in Teyla's room back home.

"Can we give Rodney a turn?" John asked.

Rodney looked back to see Lorne still stroking John's hair. John's eyes were now open and fixed on Rodney's when he looked their way.

Lorne asked, "Do you want us to stay?"

"Just until you're comfortable with this Rodney."

When Lorne turned from John to Rodney a blank military mask covered his face, and Rodney didn't think Lorne would be leaving at all. Nonetheless he stepped back from John. Lorne motioned to blunt tipped scissors on John's nightstand, "In case you need to unbind him quickly. Otherwise, don't waste the rope. You know to check for circulation?"

Rodney nodded, understanding the concept, even if he didn't know the particulars. Maybe Lorne would consider leaving at some point. Otherwise, why ask? Whatever was going on here, Rodney wouldn't let John get hurt. He walked up to the beautiful bound form of his recent lover and his body reacted with both a hard on and the empty, lonely feeling from the night before. Standing close, it seemed cruel not to touch. He reached out and cupped John's cheek. John rubbed against his hand like a cat, and Rodney understood that John was different like this. Vulnerable. Open.

Rodney looked over his shoulder, not liking that Evan had done this to John, would leave John this way. But Evan had sat down sideways in the lap of the man watching from a chair. Evan was stroking that man's hair, and it was only then that Rodney recognized the botanist, David Parrish. Rodney's mind boggled at why a botanist was present until he saw Parrish's hand wrap possessively around Lorne's thigh. That at least fit with Rodney's impressions of this universe. He turned his attention back to John.

"Why are you tied up like this?"

"It helps me think and talk things through."

"You wanted Lorne to tie you up?"

"I would have wanted you to do it, but you really are different, aren't you?"

"I thought you said I was close enough?"

John turned his head and licked Rodney's palm. "Close enough that I want you. Close enough that I don't want you hurt. But I hurt you, didn't I? Why didn't you stop me? I would have stopped."

"I didn't want you to stop, John. I wanted everything you did. You're the best I ever had."

"What about the other me?"

"He doesn't do things like that."

"Is he dead?"

"No, John. Oh no." Rodney pressed in close, holding John, pressing his face to the side of John's head and feeling John press back. "He just—There were rules about conduct unbecoming and the uniform code. Now the rules are gone, but he probably doesn't think of me that way."

John snorted his obnoxious laugh. "You thought of me that way, right? He is me. I'm sure he thinks of you that way, whatever rules were different. I wonder if my version of you is with your version of me now. I hope they're both okay."

"Me, too." Rodney trailed his fingers down the other side of John's neck and felt him shiver.

"What do you want, John?"

"To know you. To trust you. At least for tonight."

"And you have to be tied up for that?"

"It helps."

"Do you like having other people watch?"

"Not really, but we've been with Evan and David before. They're worried about me."

Rodney looked back over his shoulder again. Lorne was pulling Parrish out of the chair. "I'm posting a guard outside the door. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Then they were gone.

Rodney turned his full attention back to John. Still pressed close, he let his fingers trace the structure of John's body, the ridges and valleys of muscle and bone under skin. He started with John's neck and worked his way down, watching for reactions. "You like being tied up like this?"

"Sometimes."

"You like being questioned like this?"

"Sometimes."

"Why? Is it some kind of humiliation or pain thing?"

"No. But I tend to run away otherwise."

Rodney snorted. "I've seen you hide within yourself plenty of times when we were tied up as prisoners."

John smiled and licked his lips as Rodney's hands traced his ribs. "Do the words 'submission freely given' mean nothing where you come from?"

The words went straight to Rodney's cock, even if he'd never thought much about dominance and submission scenes before. "I'm not very experienced, and I really don't want to hurt you."

"Don't worry about it. I can handle whatever you do."

"Which might be fine if I knew what you'd enjoy and what would hurt you. Think of yourself as my science project. I need you to tell me immediately what hurts or messes with your mind. Got it?"

"Yes, Rodney."

Rodney ground his very hard cock into John's hip so he could feel how the situation was affecting Rodney. John hissed and bucked forward into air.

Squatting down, Rodney started tracing the cartography of John from the feet up. "Did the other Rodney do this to you?"

"Yes. Sometimes he used feathers or ice cubes or the loofah."

"The loofah? Wasn't that scratchy?"

John's eyes were half lidded, and he was sweating. "He made the room hot then brought the loofah here with a bowl of water. The water wasn't cold, but when it evaporated…"

Rodney was jealous of his other self. He wasn't sure how much of John's shivering to attribute to his own touch now versus John's memories of times past. He licked a ridge of muscle along the inside of John's thigh and watched a wet dot appear on John's thin black boxers.

"I found an ointment with the sex toys in my room. It smelled like ginger and kind of tingled or burned on my skin. What was that for?"

"Oh, god, fuck me with that, please, please."

Rodney hadn't thought the sight of a tied up nearly naked John could get much hotter. Now John was begging and writhing, and Rodney had to step back to get control of himself.

When he could speak again, Rodney asked, "You want that inside you? What happens afterward?"

"There's another jar, green stuff, also form Lumiar, for afterward. I should have used it on you after the shower too, just in case I hurt you. I knew you were tighter than usual, that maybe you were covering for memory loss or something else. How could I have ignored that kind of dubious consent? I'm not like that. I'd never risk hurting you."

Rodney saw John's erection wilt to half mast. He watched John squeeze his eyes shut in shame and knew he'd been the one to hurt John.

Stroking the long muscles on John's legs he said, "That's why you needed to be tied up, to talk it through, to let me tell you it was okay. I was fully consenting. If anything, it wasn't fair to you, because by that point I knew I wasn't in the universe I remembered, so I was the one not being fully honest. But everything we did, I wanted. The day afterward, I liked feeling sore because it reminded me of how wonderful you'd been to me. Now let me return the favor. Do you have some of that stuff here, and do you want me to fuck you with it? Or is there something else you want more?"

"I want whatever you want."

"I want your answers."

"I have stuff, bottom drawer of the nightstand. I want you to tie me to the bed and fuck me long and hard with that stuff from Lumiar."

"Good." Rodney flicked a finger at John's nipple and watched John's cock bob in response. Then Rodney had to lick that bobbing cock, freeing it through the slit in the boxers. He had to feel it in his mouth before he moved John to the bed, before the ginger stuff was involved.

John keened, a high pitched whine from the back of his throat, and Rodney sucked harder to see how long he could keep that sound going. When John switched to shallow panting, Rodney shifted up to lick and suck John's nipples, standing to the side so John couldn't get any friction on his full red cock.

"You are beautiful like this."

"Thank you, Rodney."

The tone of voice made Rodney look up. John looked like he was drugged, like he was barely processing, but Rodney understood that this was what John let himself enjoy by being tied up. He thought about how best to move John over to the bed.

"I need you to keep your hands and feet where they are as I untie you from the wall."

"Yes, Rodney."

Rodney left the parts of the rope that wrapped around John alone. The knots were easy to unfasten from the wall anchors, and Rodney admired Lorne's foresight on that.

He slid John's shorts off slowly, admiring the view. "Go lie on the bed, John."

John lay down and put his hands and feet where they would be easy to tie, his legs falling open with his knees up. There were holes and hooks to tie onto all along the bed frame, and Rodney wondered if his John back home would ever want something like that. Then he focused on the John in front of him, massaging each limb and checking circulation as he tied him to the bed. John groaned at every touch but held himself still while he was tied.

Rodney looked in the bottom drawer of John's nightstand and found a box that opened into multiple layers, like a fish tackle box. On the bottom there were ropes and cuffs and long strips of silk. One layer up there were dildos and plugs, some of which had switches suggesting batteries and vibrating or more. He realized the removal of electronics from his room had probably included sex toys as well, and he imagined himself MacGyvering an infiltration of the database using a vibrating dildo. In the current circumstances, the idea was surprisingly hot.

The top layer of the box held ointments and tubes. Rodney found the ginger kind, the only greenish goo, and a tube of Astroglide from Earth.

He dipped the tip of one finger in the ginger ointment and traced along the bottom edge of John's lower lip. "Is this what you want me to use, John?"

"Yes!" John's lip flexed and tightened as the tingling built.

Rodney was mesmerized by the small movements and didn't do anything else for a while. Then he dipped a different finger in the green gel and traced the same lip. "And this one soothes it afterward?"

"Yes, Rodney." John smiled fondly now, still tied and compliant, but a little more coherent.

"How much should I use?"

"As much as you want for as long as you want. I enjoy waiting."

From the pressure in Rodney's briefs at just the thought, Rodney worried he couldn't hold out that long. "Can I put it on a toy John, to make it last longer for you?"

"Oh yeah. Give me all you've got, Rodney."

Rodney reached into the box and found a long, narrow black dildo with a switch. Rodney held it where both John and he could watch as he explored the settings. There were two speeds, four pulse patterns. Rodney coated the toy with the ointment and the smell like gingerbread filled the air. "Should I add regular lube, too?"

"Only if you need it later."

"Well then, Merry Christmas." He set the toy to a low pulsing vibration and started by tracing John's hole.

John made little impatient noises, but Rodney kept the toy gently teasing the outside of John's hole as Rodney used his tongue to trace the muscles and ligaments on John's thigh that he'd traced before with his fingers.

Only when Rodney switched to licking the other thigh did he start pressing the toy in little nudges at John's hole, not really trying to move in, just to test that muscle as Rodney licked others.

He finally pressed inside while he was licking John's toes. It was good that John was tied up for that, because he started squirming like crazy. Rodney was so turned on he was leaking a spot through his trousers. So after a few minutes he pulled the toy out and stood beside the bed.

"I'll just let the ointment do its job while I get more comfortable."

Rodney removed his jacket and found John's eyes locked on his finger as John panted, still tied to the bed. Rodney had never thought himself the type to run an elaborate scene, or more honestly, he'd thought about them a lot in fantasies but never thought a real person would find his efforts a turn on. Maybe he'd been handed the easiest learning scenario ever with an already eager John and the ointments from Lumiar, but he couldn't argue with the results. The blissed out look on John's face was the stuff fantasies were made of.

Rodney stopped to kiss John thoroughly after each piece of clothing he removed. All the while John panted and stared and Rodney could only imagine what John was feeling inside. Once naked, Rodney crawled up John's body, hovering just above him. "Still good?"

"Beyond good. Like flying. Want to stay like this forever."

"All that, when I've barely even started?"

John moaned and Rodney sucked and nuzzled his nipples until he screamed. Then Rodney coated them with the ginger ointment and went back to teasing John with the toy.

A couple of times Rodney found details in John's reactions that he had to experiment with again and again. Before he'd even pushed the toy far enough to find John's prostate, he found a place that made John's thigh muscles and perineum twitch. From the strangled sounds John made each time, Rodney was pretty sure he'd stumbled across something good. Then he tried tonguing the tip of John's cock while rubbing the toy on that spot. John's eyes rolled back as he gasped and panted through it.

"Still think you can wait as long as I want to play."

All John managed to say was "Gnngh." Rodney eased back and flicked his tongue against the tip of John's cock occasionally as he continued to experiment.

By the time Rodney worked the vibrating dildo in to where it was rubbing John's prostate, John's limbs were mostly limp and twitching as he said, "Please, please, please."

"Please, what?" Rodney asked.

John just kept saying, "Please, please, please," so Rodney kissed him and swallowed his words.

Then he turned the vibrator off and pulled it out saying, "Now I want you to close your eyes and rest for a minute so you're ready for whatever comes next."

John nodded obligingly as Rodney slid a pillow under John's ass. The ointment continued its work as John twitched and responded to the phantom touches inside him and on his nipples. Rodney had trouble believing this was the same John as a day ago, let alone any relation to the John in his home universe. This John looked completely relaxed even with a full red cock standing proud after close to an hour of extremely hot sex. This John looked young and open to anything, debauched and trusting at the same time. It also seemed he could hold off orgasm forever and enjoy it. Rodney didn't want to push too hard now that John was basically non-verbal and completely compliant, but he sensed that there was a little farther he could take John, a little farther that John wanted to be pushed.

Rodney slicked himself up with Astroglide, figuring there was enough of the ginger stuff already inside John to test Rodney's control. Then he traced lightly along John's toes and arches, almost tickling, before stroking up John's calves and thighs with feathery touches that he hoped would fan the fire that had to be burning inside John's ass by now.

He let his well coated cock brush against John's hole once, twice, then he plunged in with one long slow incursion. John's eyes opened wide and they were all pupil. His hands clenched and flexed where they were tied, and John arched back, pushing Rodney deeper in the process. It was all Rodney could do to hold still and not come as the sizzling that had been building in John now surrounded Rodney's cock from all sides.

"So good, John. So perfect."

"Uurahoooooo." John started writhing but rather than thrust like they both wanted, Rodney dipped his fingers in the ginger paste again and traced a path up John's cock.

John let out a scream but didn't come. Rodney had no idea how the man was holding out.

"Oh god, John. I have never imagined anything as sexy as you are right now, and I have an astounding imagination. I'm going to start thrusting and pumping you in a moment. Any time you want to come at this point, you can, but I'll try to keep going as long as you want it, because seriously, you deserve it."

Then Rodney started thrusting in and out as long and slow as he could. He moved his hand with the ointment up and down John's cock and knew he couldn't have withstood five strokes in John's condition. John started to groan in time to Rodney's movements, but his body still lay across the bed as if the limbs had melted into the mattress and only his center was tense with building need.

Rodney could see John pushing closer to the brink. Even if his cock couldn't get any fuller, it was twitching and leaking. John's breathing was ragged and full of animal sounds from groans to mewling. Rodney had never known anyone could look like that, had never expected to see anyone like that. Rather than feeling smug, Rodney just tried to appreciate and memorize each moment and to hold on for as long as John needed him.

Gradually Rodney sped up, clinging to the edges of his own disappearing control. His cock was burning and tingly and wanted to pulse inside of John. His vision narrowed to where their bodies met, with Rodney deep inside John and Rodney's hand surrounding John's cock. He saw John's balls start to pull up and knew it had to be now. "Do it. Come for me."

That was all it took. John was spurting strings of white fluid across his abdomen and chest. His channel spasmed and pulsed, sending Rodney over the edge with him, pulling shudder after shudder of orgasm from Rodney.

Rodney held on until they were both spent and then pulled out and fell to John's side as graciously as he could. He breathed deeply, the scent of ginger reminding him he couldn't drift off or fall asleep just yet.

When he opened his eyes, John appeared to be completely relaxed and asleep, still tied in an awkward, open position beside him. Rodney went to the bathroom for wet and dry towels and used those to clean them both before applying the soothing green gel to every area on each of their bodies that might have been exposed to the more invigorating ointment. In some ways that after care felt much more intimate, sliding his finger carefully and thoroughly in John's well used hole, now that the sex was over. John drifted at least partially awake during the process giving contented sighs and moving around just a little.

Finally, Rodney cleaned his hands and untied John's hands and feet. He massaged from each extremity up the forearms and calves. Then he climbed in beside John, and pulled up the covers. "Don't suppose you can tell me if you're okay?"

John didn't say anything but one of his arms wrapped around Rodney, holding him close, and they slept like that.

#

In the morning, Rodney woke to John's open eyes watching him from mere inches away. "Is everything all right? You weren't very verbal by the end."

John leaned in and brushed a soft kiss against Rodney's lips.

"Still not verbal?"

John smiled. "Not so good about discussing it afterward. Or any other time. That's sort of the point. Anyway, it's late and Radek called a meeting with you included. Should I be worried you're about to ditch me?"

Rodney froze for a moment, caught between his desire to go home and, well, more carnal desires. John leaned in and kissed him with a little more intent. "Oh yeah, I really am that hot. Even compared to me."

#

They were the last to arrive at the meeting. Teyla passed Rodney two muffins and a large coffee, and he probably smiled too wide. At least he didn't talk with his mouth full, because at this meeting no one called on him to talk.

Woolsey started by saying, "Yesterday Radek and Carson updated John, Teyla, Ronon and myself on how the environmental controls on the east pier had swapped one Rodney for an alternate Rodney from another universe. Now they have an update and have asked that this Rodney be present. I've invited Evan to attend as well, now that he's in charge of Rodney's security arrangements."

John leaned back in his chair as if he wasn't concerned at all. Rodney wasn't fooled and doubted anyone else in the room was. Rodney tried to hide whatever might show on his face by shoveling in his muffins and coffee.

Radek leaned forward and avoided looking at either John or Rodney. "My latest simulations, using what we derived from problems with the alternate Daedalus shifting through universes, suggest there was a malfunction in the initiating universe, where this Rodney came from. It is possible that our Rodney was taken from his bath and subjected to a similar electric shock, while wet."

Beckett swept the whole table with a sympathetic frown before adding, "There is no way to know from here, but the probability of brain damage or death from the same level of electric shock when covered in water would be significantly higher. Whatever the original swap was intended to achieve, there is a significant chance our Rodney did not survive."

Rodney looked to see John's reaction, but saw only a bland military mask. John must have heard at least some of this in the meeting yesterday, before letting Lorne and then Rodney tie him up and talk him through everything. Rodney moved his leg to press against John's, not certain whether he meant to comfort John or himself.

Radek placed a hand over Carson's on the table. "At the very least, another swap would involve similar risks of electric shock, possibly paired with secondary damage if the other Rodney were wet or hooked up to oxygen or other technology, say in an infirmary setting. At worst, if there is no Rodney alive or available to swap, the equation would not balance. This Rodney could die, end up in another universe, possibly precipitating another poorly planned swap, or the control panel might short out, blow up, or otherwise destroy itself."

"So what you're saying," Woolsey interjected with no visible emotion, "Is that any attempt to activate the system again would be even more dangerous than the first time."

"Yes," said Radek.

"Definitely," said Carson. "However, there is a possibility someone on the other side could activate it again. For that reason, I'd suggest this Rodney should avoid baths, long showers, or handling flammable materials or components whenever possible."

Everyone around the table nodded.

Rodney couldn't believe how calm they were about losing him, well, their version of him, to an alternate universe. Perhaps in a culture where people didn't have to fight as hard to be themselves, they wouldn't feel as fierce an attachment to a specific individual. But much as Rodney enjoyed certain aspects of this universe, he felt a loyalty to his John back home, even if he'd never even spoken to him about sex, let alone all the intimacies he'd experienced here.

"Wait a moment." Rodney had finished both muffins and his coffee, and he didn't like the way this was going. "I'd like to look over whatever simulations Radek used. At the very least we should investigate whether the malfunction could be corrected or compensated for at this end. We could—"

Radek interrupted without even looking in Rodney's direction. "I do not object to Rodney looking over my work on this, but I am worried any attempt to correct or compensate will not be worth the risk."

"What happened to 'Leave no man behind'?" Rodney asked.

John slouched forward resting his forearms on the table and brushing against Rodney's shoulder in the process. "The thing is, it's not so much behind as sideways. And if they're almost exactly like us, then he'd probably be pretty happy there, right?"

Rodney realized how much he'd downplayed the differences, and worried that the other Rodney had gotten the shaft on this one. Of course, he didn't know if those in his universe, where everyone kept their distance, would have noticed the substitution, assuming his other self was in a situation to use his intelligence to avoid detection. "There are too many variables to predict how my alternate arrived and how he was received. But I'll tell you this: No version of me could be happy without full access to Atlantis and meaningful work. So if you're not going to fully accept me here, I'd like to at least be allowed to work on this myself, because I for one would rather risk dying than be kept from my work and treated like some second class citizen."

"I can't see giving him full access." Lorne said it with a shrug, as if it wasn't Rodney's whole life under discussion.

John sucked in a breath, and Rodney suddenly knew John hurt for the other Rodney, or possibly for both of them. "You gotta admit, that sounded like what any Rodney would argue."

"If Radek is willing to work with him, when he has time, he's the only one at a level to mediate Rodney's access to our systems in this," Woolsey said.

"But if our Rodney is already dead…" Carson said.

"But what if he's not? I can work with this one," Radek finished.

*** Point of View #2 ***

John left Rodney's room before morning. But he woke Rodney enough to kiss him goodbye, so Rodney counted that as John not freaking out, at least not yet.

Rodney had no trouble falling back asleep and was barely out of the shower and dressed when a quiet knock at his door turned out to be Miko.

"Good morning, Dr. McKay."

"Please, call me Rodney."

She nodded but didn't say it. "I brought you this laptop and an invitation to a working breakfast in Zelenka's quarters. He has been released from the infirmary to light work but is not supposed to be out and about yet."

"That's great." Rodney eagerly took the laptop but resisted opening it as he walked with Miko to Radek's room, just down the hall.

They entered to find a small table set for three with more than enough food, including tea and coffee.

"Does anyone in this universe ever eat in the mess hall?" Rodney asked as he entered and seated himself at the table, keeping his new laptop on his knees.

"Good morning to you, too." Radek shook his head as he motioned Miko to one seat and took another for himself.

Rodney served himself some of everything and had already finished his meat and half his fruit before asking, "Why did you go out there alone at night?"

Radek finished the bite he was chewing and wiped his mouth. "Better to ask forgiveness than permission. You know they wouldn't have let me try if I'd asked in a staff meeting."

Rodney looked at Radek's bandaged right hand, which he was notably not using to eat. "Maybe they would have been right."

"Now we know what did not work, and I am recovering well, with much attention from a very attractive physician."

Rodney's eyes widened. "You did not do this just to get attention from Carson!"

Miko stifled a small gasp, but both men ignored her.

"Do not insult either of our intelligences. Perhaps that is asking too much." Radek tilted his head in concession. "I did what was best for science and chance to get you home. What happens with Carson, is fringe benefit." The Czech smiled in a shyer way than Rodney was used to, but his besotted tone was familiar.

Miko laughed softly. "I have long thought you and Carson would make a perfect couple."

"Newlyweds always want to play matchmaker," Radek replied.

"Newlyweds, what? Who did Miko marry and when?" Rodney turned to face Miko, swallowing quickly.

She held out her left hand to display an elegant wedding band made of two metals, possibly gold and platinum, twined together. "It has been over a year. I do not believe we count as newlyweds any longer. Chuck and I were married at his mother's church in Canada before Atlantis returned to Pegasus."

Rodney jerked back in surprise. Their Chuck had stayed on Earth to take care of his ailing mother, but even Rodney knew better than to say so. He wouldn't want Miko to feel she'd come between Chuck and his mom, even if she had in a way. "I was beginning to wonder if anyone ever married in this universe. Few seem to even have relationships."

"Those who came to Atlantis originally were chosen for having few attachments, and marriage may seem too traditional to some. But Chuck and I both come from very traditional families."

In Rodney's universe, Miko had come from a repressive family and culture, which might be what she meant by traditional. Chuck, on the other hand, had been an easy lay but never serious about anyone so far as Rodney knew. He must be very different here to have ended up with Miko. "Where I came from, there was something of a resurgence of marriage during my lifetime, of course definitions were broadened to include same sex couples and open marriages."

Miko tucked her head down toward her shoulders in the same embarrassed gesture his Miko used. "I have heard of open marriages, but I do not think they are legally recognized in any country I know. While Japan has been slow to legally recognize gay marriage, the community I grew up in did not express bias against gay relationships in the way many from the US and especially the US military seem to."

"But you thought Radek and Carson would be perfect for each other?"

"They are both kind but very put upon by others. I do not like to see that. There was always a special softness in the way Carson looked at Radek." Miko glanced up at the man in question from under her eyelashes. "I am sorry, Radek, but I did not think you were interested until you spoke of this today."

"I have been a fool." Radek shook his head. "But I will make up for that. Now, if everyone is finished eating, we have work."

Radek talked them through his research so far including his unsuccessful attempt on the pier and all the files placed on Rodney's non-networked laptop.

Miko brought up photos showing the blackened wire and Rodney pointed to the side. "This is where it should have been grounded. We'll need to power it down and follow that back." He turned his evil eye on Radek. "If you'd brought me along, I could have spotted this before you were hurt."

Radek smiled benignly back. "If I'd asked, they would not have let me try or let you help the way you are now. Let's see if my fine doctor will allow me to take some air on the pier while you two fix the grounding and see if there is other damage."

Carson allowed Radek outside on the condition that he not do any of the actual work. Orders also came down from Sheppard, with some input from Woolsey, that they could only touch the system if it was completely powered down. Because that had been the scientists' plan anyway, they gave their grudging consent.

Carson joined them for a picnic lunch, nominally to check up on his patient. While Radek spent most of the day observing and arguing with Rodney from a distance, Rodney and Miko traced and mapped every crystal, wire, and connection with any tenuous relevance to the specialized environmental controls. Rodney learned quickly that Miko cringed if their arms so much as brushed together, but his Miko had been that way as well, so it was easy to take care when working on confined systems with her. At the end of the afternoon, Rodney was eager to set up simulations, but Carson came by ordering them all to eat dinner and stop for the day.

Dinner was a surreal experience in the Atlantis dining hall. The three scientists ate together with Rodney's team and were joined by Carson and Chuck. The room layout and food were indistinguishable from Rodney's Atlantis. The tava beans and greens were far from Rodney's favorite meal, but they too had to suffer through it from time to time. The cooks offered some justification involving nutrition and micronutrients that Rodney dismissed as pseudo-science of the most questionable and tasteless variety.

However, Rodney hardly noticed his food on this first trip to the alternate Atlantis mess hall. He watched as a room full of at least a hundred people included no public displays of affection. He saw only one person, a social scientist, greet another with a touch to the shoulder. John sat at the opposite end of the table from Rodney. Even Miko and Chuck, who he now knew were married and who sat beside each other, never touched in his presence. It almost overcame Rodney's pleasure at eating in a more social environment. Then there was chocolate pudding for dessert. Chocolate was always better with friends, and even in an alternate universe, Rodney knew he was with friends.

John escorted Rodney back to his room after dinner. Rodney clung to his laptop hoping it wouldn't be taken away overnight, but when John stepped inside with him, Rodney gladly set the laptop aside on his desk.

John took a step toward Rodney and stopped, raising one eyebrow.

Rodney closed the distance and kissed him lightly, and then not so lightly, on the lips. "Freaking out a little?"

"Off and on. You?"

"Of course not."

"What about the other me?"

"We have an open relationship, if that even applies in this case. You being you and all." Rodney ran his fingers up and down John's shirt and was gratified when John relaxed into the touch and started nuzzling at his ear.

Then John pulled back. "I guess he's probably better at stuff than me."

Rodney laughed, hoping John wouldn't take it wrong, but unable to stop himself. "We've been together for four years and plan to stay together, so that's a whole different level of comfort and knowing what each other wants. But I'll be honest with you, John." Rodney stepped forward and fisted John's shirt, pushing in close. "That blow job you gave me last night was so unexpectedly hot that it will be seared into my memory forever. Now how about I get you out of these clothes and return the favor?"

"Oh, yes. That's closer to my image of you as a pushy bottom."

Rodney made short work of John's jacket and shirt, asking as he went, "Image of him or of me?"

"Both."

"So you thought about sex with your Rodney?"

"Oh yeah. You walked right out of my fantasies." John started tugging at Rodney's jacket while Rodney was working on John's black BDUs. "I even thought about Rodneys from alternate dimensions after Rod came to visit. Not Rod himself so much, but you know, others."

"By themselves or with your Rodney?"

"Several variations."

"And were they all pushy bottoms."

"Pretty much."

"You ever imagine yourself as the bottom?" By now John was naked and Rodney still mostly clothed. John tugged impatiently at Rodney's shirt, but Rodney waited for him to answer.

"I'm pretty much an exclusive top."

Rodney raised his arms to let his shirt off, then dropped to his knees and sucked John in wet and messy. He used what he knew about John and a little fancy tongue work to see how wild he could make that man in just five sucks. Then he looked up through his lashes with the tip of John's cock playing against Rodney's bottom lip.

"You imagine me like this?"

"Oh, yeah!" John's pupils were blown and his hands were shaking.

Letting his breath and lip tease, Rodney said, "Do you feel the 'need for speed' like in your movie?"

"Gotta love fast cars, fast planes, and fast men."

It was obvious from the aborted jerk of John's arms that he wanted to hold onto Rodney's head with his hands and fuck his face. But he seemed to know that was bad manners in any universe.

"But you expect me to be a pushy bottom, and probably a perfectionist. And if I'm going to demonstrate my very best blow job technique, then I need you lying down on the bed."

John jumped on the bed with his red, glistening cock bouncing up and down as he landed.

Rodney pounced on top of him, worked his way in between John's legs, and then leaned forward to run tongue circles around the crown of John's cock as he raked his fingernails down John's chest just short of scratching. John tensed then used his own arms to brace against the mattress and keep from thrashing his cock right out of Rodney's mouth.

Rodney considered how easily John gave up the use of his arms both now and the night before, and he put that with all he knew about his own John. While he'd never been the type to second guess other people's understandings of their own identities, he thought for this universe and this John he might need to make a small exception.

Releasing John's crown with a loud pop, he asked, "What I don't understand from that movie and based on what I've seen here is how you got enough practice to give that blow job last night?"

John groaned, but Rodney just flicked his nipples and waited.

"There are gay bars, clubs where guys go looking for hook up, and even on military bases and in war zones, there were always places to meet up, signals to use. I've given and received hundreds of hand jobs and blow jobs over the years."

"And on Atlantis?"

"I'm the CO. I wasn't supposed to know."

"But you did know."

"And I pretended not to."

"Even after it was allowed. Why, John?"

John threw his head back and groaned in a different kind of frustration. Rodney pulled the lube from the nightstand, heated it in his hand, and then started rolling John's balls in a way that could keep John turned on indefinitely without getting him anywhere near to climax. John sighed in relief then looked at Rodney with suspicion.

"It's okay, John. I know you don't like to talk, maybe feel you can't talk about this stuff. I'm not going to use sex to make you talk." The corners of John's mouth curved up a bit, and Rodney knew he'd promised the right thing. "But you know I love to talk, so how about I tell you a little story before I blow your brains out."

John rolled his eyes as he said, "If you must," but Rodney knew the man was curious. He was also totally on board with Rodney massaging his balls, and Rodney used his other hand to pet and lightly scratch along John's abdomen and thighs as he spoke.

"I knew this guy who even in my more open, self-aware universe had a lot of trouble talking about himself and his feelings." It was clear John had suspicions about who that guy might be, but Rodney thought some things were better left uncertain. He let his lubed fingers slide along John's perineum then up between John's balls. He added a little more lube so he'd have the whole area slick and available as he talked. "Anyway, this guy had a lot of one night stands, a lot of friends who would take him home once in a while when they saw he needed it. But he wasn't very good at relationships. He said it didn't bother him, but as I mentioned, this guy had lots of friends who took care of him when he needed it. I think a lot of them could see the guy was lonely and couldn't really let go with anyone.

"So one of those friends was a really patient, nice guy. In fact, I'll just call him 'nice guy' for the rest of this story." John snorted.

"Okay, no one would ever describe me as patient or having trouble talking about myself, so clearly neither of these characters is me, but that's all I'm going to say on that." Rodney bent his lubed up index finger and used it to press in hard and wiggly on John perineum. It made John gasp and arch just like Rodney knew it would, but still John kept his arms pinned in place without even being asked. Rodney went back to telling his story while keeping John aroused but able to listen.

"So the nice guy spent about a year working with this other guy, let's call him the hero of our story, although I don't think this fits into the hero's journey meme at all. Do you even have that nonsense here?" John looked confused, so Rodney bent forward and licked his nipples for a moment, until John groaned.

"That's better. So moving along, the nice guy spent about a year working with our hero, dong most of his paperwork, covering up a few incidents better not mentioned in the paperwork, and occasionally rescuing our reckless hero's ass. Being the nice and reasonable guy he was, he sometimes even tried to talk sense to our hero, help him understand a few things, get him pointed in the right direction. It never worked. Our hero really didn't know things about himself and didn't know how to figure them out or open up to discussion, even when he wanted to. So one night when the nice guy took our hero home after a particularly bad mission where yet another woman was upset because she didn't get to have his babies, the nice guy decided to do more than suck his friend off. He tied him to the wall with some slinky black rope and spent a couple of hours introducing our hero to the benefits of bondage. I don't want to imagine what people would think in your repressed universe, but it turns out, some people can only relax and let go when someone they trust ties them up nice and secure and does whatever it takes to drive the bound person out of his mind."

John had his eyes closed now, but it didn't take a genius to realize he was picturing the scene, and getting all flushed and sweaty over it. Rodney let a slippery finger slide back across John's hole and John bucked like someone had grabbed his cock. Rodney decided he'd explore back there a few more times while he talked and kept John's balls and other parts entertained. He was pretty sure he knew what John would like, but he had to take the time to make sure John knew it, too.

"So the hero, with all his difficulties knowing or talking about himself, had been sure he wasn't into bondage, certainly not into being the one tied up. But the nice guy knew a lot of useful ways to tie people up, and our hero really did trust him even if he possibly didn't know that either, so it took about ten minutes before our hero was gasping and begging to be tied more. And as the nice guy bound his friend's wrists and ankles and then calves and forearms, he discovered that not only did our hero kind of get off on begging for more, he was pretty eager to answer any question the nice guy asked. Mostly, he asked if the hero had experimented with certain toys or liked being touched or teased in certain ways. But it turned out the hero wanted, maybe even needed, to tell someone all the stuff he'd been confused about. It turns out the hero became a hero mostly to please his dad or at least make up for the things he couldn't do to please his dad. But a lot of times in his life, the hero had really wanted to be rescued, and most of the time when he was little, no one came to rescue him. So when he grew up and did all the big scary hero shit, he was pleasantly surprised when the nice guy or some crazy scientist or some hulking barbarian or even sometimes a diplomat would come to his rescue."

He could see John smiling, could see how his shoulders and neck had relaxed even if Rodney hadn't touched them and was keeping John's lower body pretty keyed up and hard. He figured John was at least halfway into subspace and probably didn't realize he was rocking his ass or pushing into the touch whenever Rodney's finger lingered on his perineum or hole. He decided he'd let his finger tip slide in just a little as he told the next part of his story.

"Now, you would think getting rescued was all good and anyone would understand that. But as I said, the hero had been disappointed a few times as a kid, and he'd sort of convinced himself that he didn't want to be rescued, that he was supposed to do all the rescuing and didn't even deserve to be rescued. And as the nice guy talked to our hero and did things that made our hero's body feel very good and strangely relaxed, the hero came up with the idea that maybe maintaining a relationship was like taking turns being the rescuer, people sort of had to take turns taking care of each other or else it didn't work. The nice guy rewarded the hero for this bizarre piece of self-discovery by sticking his finger up the hero's ass and doing something that felt really good."

Four years in a relationship had taught Rodney how to locate John's prostate in an instant. So he slid his finger deep inside and rubbed it like the bottle with the genie inside.

John screamed and wiggled and went a little crazy, but he kept his arms and shoulder pressed to the mattress. And he mostly kept his legs in place on either side of Rodney. Eventually John figured out what Rodney already knew, that John couldn't come from just this. It left him flooded with endorphins but still wanting more. Rodney let John settle down a little, and when John opened his eyes Rodney told him, "Just enjoy it. When I'm done with my story, I'll still finish the blowjob if you want."

John nodded, and he was so far gone that it tugged at something deep inside Rodney. He hadn't been the one to help his John through this originally, but this time seemed like a huge gift for both of them.

Rodney lubed up a second finger and planned to keep it good for John, but tone it down enough to let Rodney finish his story.

"The strange thing was, the hero wasn't done talking once he'd solved his own problem about relationships. It turned out he liked talking about all kinds of stuff while tied up. He talked about wanting to cuddle or sleep with someone through the night but being afraid to because he had scary attack reflexes when approached from behind. Of course, the solution was for the hero to talk to his future lovers about that, and the hero realized that if he could trust someone and ask them to tie him up, then they could talk about these things and probably have a really good relationship. Then the hero confessed to the nice guy that he really wanted to be in a relationship with a certain crazy scientist. That worked out well because the nice guy had fallen for a botanist of all things. So the nice guy provided some soft rope and a few tying tips to a certain crazy scientist, and he and the hero had a pretty amazingly good time from there on out."

Rodney took a deep breath and used the two fingers he had inside John to thrust against his prostate harder than he could before with just one finger. John went nuts again but was even less coordinated than the time before, so Rodney gave him as much as he could take and then stroked circles on his stomach to help him calm down a bit. He waited for John's eyes to focus on him again and said, "You look so hot like this. You're all spread out around me, flushed and sweaty. You've been panting and screaming and gasping and groaning. You smell like sex." Rodney took a long lick across John chest and one nipple. "You taste like sex. I am totally hard for you." Rodney shifted so his cock slightly touched John's balls and John practically convulsed beneath him.

"In a moment I'm going to ask you one question, and you're going to have to come up with an answer. Whatever you answer, I am going to do the best I can. I promise you, I will get off on whatever we do and so will you, so there is no wrong answer."

He waited to make sure John was tracking and his heart started racing when John smiled at him, a big goofy grin without even hearing the question.

Rodney kissed one corner of that grin even though it was awkward to stretch that far. "Okay, do you want me to finish the blow job, probably keeping my fingers up your ass to make it even more fun, or, do you want me to fuck you and at some point during that I'll pump your cock with my hand and make you come like crazy."

In a slightly rough but surprisingly clear voice John said, "Fuck me, please."

Rodney immediately started to thrust and scissor his finger, brushing John's prostate lightly and randomly.

John begged, "Please, please, please," and Rodney added a third well lubed finger. He wanted John to be slick and relaxed and absolutely sure he wanted this.

When John's head rolled back and his litany of "please, please, please" slid into mostly senseless gibberish, Rodney slicked up his cock and slid past the first ring of muscle. John tensed and then relaxed with a deep groan. Rodney slid the rest of the way in and rested there awhile, finding he could lick around John's nipples as he waited.

Suddenly John's hands fisted on the sheets beneath them and he said, "Now, please, now!"

Rodney was more than ready to oblige. He'd built up some stamina having an almost insatiable lover who could literally hold off on orgasm for hours. But Rodney had to work to keep control. Even if he'd had little physical stimulation since they'd gotten undressed, Rodney was very susceptible to visual and verbal stimuli. He'd been hard since he first fell to his knees to take John's cock in his mouth. The story he'd told and the reactions he'd observed had kept him aroused the whole time he'd been teasing John. Now he was pumping into an incredibly tight warm ass and trying to take it slow. He was teasing both himself and John as he tested his own control.

John was out of it. He moaned and keened and made amazing needy noises like a small animal. He'd lost any trace of self-consciousness from the first time Rodney fingered his prostate. Now he pushed himself into Rodney's thrusts, occasionally clenching inside and almost sending Rodney over the edge.

Rodney ran his fingers over John's sweaty chest and abs. He triggered a sharp head jerk the first time he hit a taut nipple, but overall John was a quivering mass and it was hard to gauge specific reaction beyond the rhythm with which Rodney hit his prostate.

Eventually, Rodney couldn't resist moving faster. He told himself this John would probably be sore the next day, and they didn't seem to have any ointment to make that easier. Honestly, Rodney had driven himself to the edge of desperation, and it was all he could do to target a series of quick strokes just the way he knew John liked them. He wrapped his still slick right hand around John's already mostly slick cock and with a couple of easy up and down strokes he brought John to a convulsive climax. Then he help on loosely trying to prolong John's orgasm as the clenching inside had Rodney coming and coming. Finally he pulled out and collapsed half on top of John's sweaty perfect body.

When he woke he didn't know how many minutes had past, but they hadn't dried enough to stick together. John was out for the count. Rodney felt a little smug, which helped motivate him to continue his role as the perfect lover by getting them both cleaned up and under the covers.

#

Once again, John left before morning, quietly kissing Rodney goodbye and whispering something hot that Rodney couldn't quite remember.

Rodney surprised himself by being up and ready well before Miko came by. He used the extra time to type up everything he could remember about the universe hopping Daedalus and how he had thought it could be fixed. He hoped to draw on that information when planning simulations for the specialized environmental controls.

#

Hours of simulations later the three scientists called an emergency meeting. Carson, John, Teyla, Ronon, Lorne, and Richard met them in the small conference room and Radek tried to explain the detailed simulations they'd run to understand the specialized environmental controls and assure they could operate the system safely.

Lorne said, "What?"

Richard said, "I'm not sure I quite follow what you're saying."

John, who had been staring off into space somewhere over Rodney's right ear looking for all the world as if he wasn't listening or looking at any of the simulations results said, "So basically, it's like we have dual control light switches and neither universe can tell how the other side sets its switch. If the switch to let people through is flipped on in both universes, then you think we could switch the Rodneys back. If the switch to share storms and extreme weather events is on in both universes, then you think we'll average our weather and decrease our chances of storm damage because the rest won't matter to the shields."

"No, well sort of, how do you both come up with these bizarre analogies?" Rodney asked.

Richard asked Radek, "Is that effectively what you're offering us?"

Radek nodded, and Miko smiled.

"Wouldn't it be in either side's self interest to only turn either switch on when they wanted to send people or had a bad storm brewing?"

"From a purely selfish point of view, that might be true." Teyla frowned around the room. "But every day we make decisions with the best interests of other planets or even other galaxies in mind. Is this not the same but with another universe in the balance?"

Ronon grunted. "Satedans call such choices 'beyond the totals' strategies."

Rodney blinked. "We call them non-zero-sum games, but we didn't expect anyone here would know the theory."

"Hardly a game," Ronon said.

"Wasn't there something in Radek's presentation about human risks when both switches are 'on' as the analogy goes?" Carson asked.

"Yes," Rodney answered. "This is why we called an emergency meeting. You can decide about the weather options later and change your minds at will. However, the human operations appear to have been added as an afterthought and as with certain other Ancient undertakings, there seems to be a certain disregard for safety and the consequences of certain laws of physics."

"Meaning…" John drawled.

"You might remember that I had an unexplained bump on my head when I arrived? Well, whatever swapping algorithm is used appears to adjust for potential energy based on center of mass, but makes no allowance for position. So it is quite possible that bumps and falls could cause problems on arrival. Beyond that, based on the blackened wire that Radek documented before his own electrical mishap, we believe the other Rodney may have been electrocuted before he sent himself to my universe and probably landed in my bathtub."

"Oh no," Carson said. "Would the electrical charge have cut out before he touched water?"

"We hope so." Rodney hated saying this to Carson, but he'd rather face him than John. "Remember that was a malfunction, so the system wasn't exactly designed with electrical flow through a person's body in mind. But on the plus side, none of the physics we know would cause the current to continue after he left this universe."

"But he was still electrocuted, may have hit his head, and could easily have drowned either way."

"You think our McKay may be dead?" Richard asked.

"Also, we don't think this McKay can swap back if there is no living McKay in other universe," Radek added.

"Why?" Richard asked.

"The calculations involved are complex—" Rodney started.

"Can we imagine it uses something like a life signs detector to find the right person?" John asked.

Rodney just shook his head and buried it in his hands.

"Close enough," Radek answered. "So you see, the sooner we try to swap, the better chance our McKay is still alive. If nothing happens, we should keep trying in hopes our counterparts figure out to—" he looked to John.

"Flip the switch for sharing humans."

Lorne made a face.

John shrugged and slouched back in his chair.

"I'll have a full medical team standing by in case our Rodney is injured," Carson said.

"I've got a skateboarding helmet this one can wear in case he makes a bad landing," John offered.

"I'll get a gym mat," Ronon said as he left the room.

"Wait, we haven't made a decision yet," Richard said.

John casually glanced around the room, "I think we kinda have."

Teyla turned her solemn negotiator face on Richard and said, "Perhaps we should schedule a follow up meeting to discuss the non-zero-sum choices for the weather controls?"

*** Point of View #1 ***

Radek and Rodney worked through dinner, which Carson was kind enough to bring them in their isolated lab. Radek had let Rodney study all the simulations and copied sections of code for Rodney to analyze on his non-networked computer.

When Rodney finally knew he was beaten, he closed the computer and sighed.

Radek had kept mostly silent, but he'd seemed less hostile as the evening progressed. Occasional bumps at the knee had relaxed to almost constant contact at knee or shoulder as the two of them worked on separate computers side by side, glancing occasionally at each other's progress.

"Care to tell me about it? Or are we at impasse of scientific and personal dishonesty so long as your work access is limited."

"You're right that it hurts the work." Rodney hung his head.

"I know."

"You're right that whatever malfunctioned is not in this universe and we cannot fix it from here."

"If I had not already known, you admitting I'm right twice in a row would prove you are not our Rodney."

Shaking his head Rodney said, "People in my universe would believe that even more about me, so your proof is false."

"Better that way. Too much being right would have gone to my head."

Rodney bumped into his shoulder. "If I'm going to be honest, I found a bit to flip to prevent the system from swapping people. Why the Ancients would set the default to not allow the weather distribution but to allow people to be grabbed by a much less reliable system, I cannot currently fathom."

"Perhaps it was left in a test mode. Perhaps it was truly meant to allow negotiations and they did not know or did not care about the safety issues."

"I guess we'll need another meeting tomorrow."

Radek shook his head. "No meeting. Nothing has changed. But I appreciate your honestly, friend."

Rodney had opened his mouth to explain again when he realized that Radek had known all along. Radek had created and analyzed the same data before giving his report at the morning meeting where they were forbidden any further attempts to use the specialized environmental controls. Radek hadn't mentioned that the system was currently set to allow the other universe to swap both Rodneys back if they could fix the glitch on the other end and still had the other Rodney to swap. Radek hadn't said anything to the contrary, but somehow his scientific integrity and beliefs regarding honesty had allowed him to leave that key factor out.

Radek closed his own computer and pressed a hand to Rodney's knee. "I would have been disappointed if you hadn't mentioned it. But I have learned a few things over the years, including that sometimes it is better to ask forgiveness than permission. At some point, after the other universe swaps you back or perhaps when you finally give up that hope, we must discuss a city policy about default settings for this system. For now, I think we both have better things to do."

"I owe you one," Rodney said as they stood.

"Perhaps. Perhaps you will have a chance to do something for the other me if the other you figures out how to swap you back."

Rodney smiled as they walked to their quarters where each expected to spend the night doing something more pleasurable than today's work. As surely as Rodney planned to seduce his John if he ever swapped back, he promised himself he'd at least point his Radek in that direction with their Carson.

Rodney stepped into his room to find John adding to a pile of items on Rodney's desk, some of which Rodney recognized, most of which he didn't.

John pulled him into a hug. "I got your clock back, and most of your basic electronics."

"My clock?" Rodney peeked over John's shoulder to see for himself.

John pulled away and smirked at him. "How can I be involved with someone whose ear-splitting device to scare both of us out of bed in the morning matters more to him than the whole pile of electronic sex toys we confiscated?"

Rodney was eager to explore the pile of toys that John probably assumed were mostly the same in each universe, but he was smart enough to say, "They're nice, but I still had you for that."

John was pulling him in for a full body hug that promised a lot more when something knocked Rodney impossibly forward.

He landed outside, in the cold damp dark, on what appeared to be a gym mat.

*** Point of View #2 ***

"My skateboard helmet? Cool, I thought I'd lost that," John said.

Rodney fell into a tight hug. He was inside, out of the breezy night dampness. The desk behind John's shoulder was covered with electronic devices from all over Rodney's room, everything from his clock to most of his sex toys.

He grabbed on tightly to his John and said, "After five days without me, your skateboard helmet is the first thing you notice?"

"Proves the other me figured out you were a different Rodney. I assume you wouldn't take my helmet without me knowing." John roughened his voice as if pretending to be stern, but it sounded sexy to Rodney instead.

"You're saying the other me fooled you? You didn't know from the start?"

John scrabbled for Rodney's right hand, pulling it up to study without releasing the half hug still pressing them close. "You weren't electrocuted. You didn't drown?"

"No. I woke up naked on a pier with guns pointed at me, but I wasn't hurt beyond a bump on the head and a chill. Hence, the gift of a helmet and clothing for the return trip."

"Good." John wrapped Rodney tightly in both arms again and started kissing and nuzzling his neck.

Rodney's cock took notice at the play of very familiar lips, but Rodney was content to hug back, absorbing the rightness of this John.

"How long were you fooled into thinking he was me?"

"Well, at first we thought you'd lost some memories from electrocution and drowning."

Rodney stroked John's back, filling in the pieces and realizing what it must have been like for John thinking he'd almost lost Rodney and then discovering he'd been given a very similar but seriously injured Rodney instead.

"Wait," John pulled back suddenly and held Rodney at arm's length. "How do I know you're my Rodney and that there isn't a third universe tied into this?"

The distrust stabbed like ice in Rodney's gut, but the pain written on John's face was worse. "It's okay. We might have to worry about a third universe getting involved now, but until I was returned, the systems weren't set up to swap with anyone else."

John didn't move, and Rodney realized he needed more to regain John's trust.

"You could probably ask Radek or Miko to confirm that, assuming we worked together on the specialized environmental controls in this universe as well. Otherwise, you could ask me questions. I can tell you I was in the bath waiting for you, using a Cassian bath melt that smelled like vanilla and cardamom. And by the way, the other us never met the trader from Cassia, so they didn't have any bath melts or any fun Pegasus sex stuff—not that they'd know what to do with the fun sex stuff. You and I weren't involved there, and my counterpart had only had one semi-significant relationship in six years. And guess what, it was with Jennifer Keller! I hadn't been with a man since at least before Atlantis. They had bizarre ideas about gender roles and serious biases against same sex couples. For the most part, they never even touched each other. I am so touched starved!"

John pulled him close again. "I'll touch you. Even if you're another alternate, I don't think I could help but touch you. I want to take you to bed and ignore everything else until morning, but I really should call Radek, Carson, Evan, and Richard. Teyla and Ronon deserve to know, too. But I won't let go of you unless you want me to, okay?"

#

An hour later in the infirmary, Rodney was passed around from hug to hug and was greatly recovered from the other universe's paucity of touch. John had been true to his word and held Rodney, or at least held his hand, through all the questions and tests the others had demanded. Now it was over and everyone wanted a chance to physically express their trust and relief. Rodney didn't mind at all.

Carson finally broke up the hug-fest saying, "It's late everyone. Let the lad go to sleep and tomorrow we can all get back to work as usual."

"We'll need a meeting to discuss future settings for this environmental system. I'll send something through the scheduling system." Richard nodded and turned to leave.

"Wait," Rodney said. "In this universe, did Ronon already explain about Satedan 'beyond the total' strategies, which I suspect resemble non-zero-sum game theory?"

That caused everyone to look at Ronon.

He nodded. "Those strategies would fit here."

"Teyla has some Athosian ideas about the greater good that probably apply as well. Also, I want to schedule something. If you're all available tomorrow night, I'd like to play piano for you."

"You sure?" John pulled Rodney back to him, catching him in a full length hug from behind.

"I missed the recital here, but they had one there. More importantly, the other Teyla set up an evening to share music and poetry, and oh, this amazing beverage made with the beans from Cassia. I played piano for the first time in 32 years, and it meant a lot to me. There are many aspects of the other universe I'm glad we don't have here, but that part was worth bringing back."

Teyla stepped in front of Rodney and touched foreheads with him in the Athosian way. "I gladly accept this invitation and may be able to provide the beverage of which you speak. I hope you will find value in sharing more about your visit, and I look forward to whatever may be gained from this cultural exchange."

"Torren and Kanaan are welcome, too."

Teyla smiled. "Anyone else? I could help set up a room."

"Maybe, Miko? She played piano there and helped me when the other Radek was injured."

Carson tugged Radek close to him at that. "It sounds like we may have more than the specialized environmental controls to discuss in the meeting beforehand, but for now, sleep everyone."

John pretty much dragged Rodney away and back to Rodney's quarters. Once there, he batted Rodney's hands away when he tried to undress himself. "I'm going to make sure you're not touch starved any longer."

"Aren't you going to ask about what happened with the alternate you?"

John raised an eyebrow. "I can already tell you slept with him." John managed a sensual glide of hands up Rodney's chest and arms as part of removing his shirt. "However, I have it on good authority that I'm hotter than him. Although if his universe is that repressed, it may not have been a fair comparison." He had Rodney lying down and managed to massage his ass as a pretext to removing more clothing. "Though I have to say, the alternate version of you didn't come across as all that repressed."

"Of course not." Rodney rocked his hips to show how non-repressed he was and to further the removal of his briefs and trousers. "A repressive context can limit people's understandings, but curiosity and open-mindedness will find a way. I am a genius, in any universe."

John licked his way up Rodney's thigh and along the crease at the top. Letting his breath tease Rodney's now fully erect cock, he asked, "So you agree I'm hotter than him?"

"Of course you vain idiot, now prove me right."

"That's my genius sweet talker."

John crawled up Rodney's body, letting his clothing graze Rodney's erection until he claimed his lover's mouth. With a quick swipe of tongue along lower lip, John slid into Rodney's eager mouth and brushed along the hot spots behind his teeth before thrusting along his tongue in a way guaranteed to make Rodney react. Sure enough, Rodney met him with a twining tongue as Rodney's hands made quick work of John's uniform.

When they stopped for air, Rodney rolled them over to place himself on top. It was a move John could still counter if he wanted, but Rodney had developed a certain finesse at it. Besides, it always turned John on when Rodney used his strength and solid build that way.

After removing the last of John's clothes Rodney asked, "Do you want me to tie you up?"

"Naw, did that last night."

Rodney started thrusting up beside him with a casual ease. "My alternate was up for that?"

"Well, Evan took care of the initial tying and talking, but the alternate you slid into the scene better than any non-genius newbie ever could. Whatever might be socially sanctioned in their universe, I don't think he was surprised or shocked at the idea of bondage or dominance and submission. In fact, he reacted very prettily whenever I said, 'Yes, Rodney.'" John batted his eyes.

"God, I wish I had a video of that." Rodney sat astride his lover and let his hands stroke and caress John's nipples until they formed hard peaks.

"We could try a reenactment sometime, but for now, I'm guessing you're in need of more touch and maybe a little tired of playing the expert all the time. Want me to tie you up? Bring out some toys?"

"Skin on skin is all I really want, but I'm happy to let you drive if you're up for that."

Rodney found his arms full of John a moment before he landed on his stomach with John straddling his ass, John's cock resting in the crack. John had a nearly infinite repertoire of ways to grab and pin Rodney, that always left Rodney breathless and surprised. "I bet you haven't had a good back rub all week."

"Do you know how hard I am after that move?"

"I can rub more than one place at once."

John must have had oil already warming in his hand, because he smoothed body temperature stripes down both sides of Rodney's spine and down Rodney's crack, managing to coat John's cock with a final stroke. "Now relax." John shifted in a way that slid his cock across Rodney's hole and up between in cheeks as John leaned forward and started kneading the knots out of Rodney's back. He kept kneading and thrusting, doing enough to keep Rodney aroused while still relaxing the sore muscles that had built up in his back during his unusual week away.

Rodney gave himself over to the mix of sex, touch and affection that was better than the finest blend of coffee. He might never experience what John sometimes found in bondage and submission, but John could make him feel safe and cared for in a way Rodney had never in his life imagined.

When John finally stroked an oiled finger or two inside of Rodney it seemed like a natural extension from the other skin John touched.

Then John massaged his prostate and Rodney wanted desperately to be filled. He moaned into his pillow, and John's cock slid right in.

Rodney tried to give into the sensations. He knew John liked to take his time and would make it worthwhile, but suddenly Rodney's body was screaming that this was his one true John. His mouth caught up saying, "John, now, I want to come. You can do what you want after but I need it now."

John pulled Rodney up a little by his shoulder and hip. Then John was thrusting faster. An oiled hand wrapped loosely around Rodney's cock, giving him warm easy friction as John's thrusts pushed him forward and back. Rodney's vision flared bright and then he shot apart into infinite fractals of bright sensation.

Slowly he came together again in time to feel John's quick thrusts until John shouted and came apart inside Rodney, huffing warm breaths against Rodney's neck until he collapsed, pulling them both sideways on the bed.

There was a small, jarring moment when John slipped out of Rodney's body and then out of bed. But he returned with a warm cloth and cleaned Rodney all over until he wasn't sticky with sweat or slippery with oil. Then John wrapped his own clean smooth skin around Rodney's back and the backs of his legs. Rodney fell asleep knowing all was right with his world. His John would be there when he woke and when he played piano and when he sorted through all the craziness. His John.

*** Point of View #1 ***

Rodney pushed himself up from the cold mat. His eyes fixed on the open panel for the specialized environmental controls.

His body recoiled in remembered pain. He'd stomped out to this pier alone one night, frustrated with his never ending to do list and the peons who brought him extra work and took forever to comprehend the answers his brain chugged out for them. Jennifer's rejection still stung after a year, because he hadn't found anyone else while she'd moved right on. His dreams of an intelligent pretty wife and 2.3 intelligent pretty children were vapor. In the back of his tired mind, he'd hoped to impress Radek and John by discovering and repairing environmental controls that might protect the city in case of another super storm. Propping up his own peace of mind had been only a side benefit. But the moment he'd opened the panel cover, he'd realized his carelessness. A shock like lightning had stabbed through him. Every nerve ending had screamed in pain. Then everything had gone black.

It took Rodney precious seconds to shake off the rush of memory that made his heart pound and his throat tighten in sympathetic pain. His mistake had started it all.

Rodney's brain came back online to register the people surrounding him: his teammates, Lorne, Radek, and Miko.

Two figures crouched beside him with a gurney and full medical set up as Carson's familiar voice reached him saying, "Are you hurt, lad?"

Rodney stretched a little and was glad to say, "I'm fine."

"We're you hurt before?"

Rodney's brain processed reasons for finding a gym mat, medical gear, and all these people on the pier when he returned. He concluded they knew about the alternate universe, swapping Rodneys, and the system malfunction. There was nothing he had to hide. Except, he probably should be careful what he said about the alternate John and some other issues, but his recent lessons about honesty were enough to cover his initial remarks. "I was electrocuted, drowned, bumped my head, and was unconscious for a few hours five days ago. Since then I've mostly been fine, except a bit of memory loss, which I think is cleared up now. While I'd love to avoid the whole trip to the infirmary and various interrogations, I have no doubts about your voodoo ways winning out. So can I just put in a request now for coffee? I wouldn't say no to chocolate pudding or anything else chocolate, either."

"Think they forgot to feed him?" Ronon asked.

"He is hoping to distract from trouble he started in first place," Radek answered.

Teyla came forward and after a nod from Carson welcomed him with warm hands on his arms and the traditional Athosian forehead touch. "We are glad to have you back, Dr. McKay."

Rodney missed hearing Teyla use his first name and realized he was in for a whole new world of hurt as he sorted this out. He glanced at John who nodded but then glanced quickly away.

#

After at least an hour of tests in the infirmary without visitors or coffee, Carson pulled a curtain to talk with Rodney privately. "All of your test results are fine. The electrical burns to your hand and foot are healing well and you should have full function within a week. Your lungs are completely clear and your heart and blood pressure no worse than when you left. However, there are signs of certain sexual activities that I had not known you to engage in before, and I would like to know if there were any consent issues or concerns I should be aware of as your doctor."

Rodney wanted to reach out and shake the man or maybe hug him. His visit to the touchy-feely universe seemed to be affecting his reactions. Rodney caught his hands in his lap and said, "No concerns. All I want is full clearance to go back to work. You have no idea what five days of limited access to real work and networked computing power does to my brain. I have no idea what my minions have failed to notice or mismanaged in my absence, and I still have not had any coffee or dessert."

"Your blood sugar levels are fine, and you will not benefit from either coffee or work before a full night's sleep. I'll give you some time for visitors and debriefing before discharging you. Then no work until at least 0800."

Rodney rolled his eyes.

"I'll see if someone can find you a snack."

Rodney tried not to show how happy he was at the promise of food and the fondness in Carson's voice.

When Carson opened the curtain, pretty much everyone from the pier plus Woolsey crowded around his bed.

Woolsey said, "I don't want to keep you long tonight, Dr. McKay, but I'm sure you'll understand that as with any away mission, we need an initial verbal report now and a full written report within the next forty-eight hours."

"Technically I wasn't away so much as here but in an alternate universe that our current understanding of physics cannot conclusively prove exists."

"The SGC has gone so far as to require reports on hallucinations and dream experiences in the past. I'm sure we will have no problem processing your paperwork in this matter. Now, could you please provide enough detail to confirm who you are and highlight potential risks from your recent activities?"

Rodney recited the shortest, most boring version of events possible, pretty much standard procedure for complex gate team reports. The only difference was that this time Rodney had been on his own, and he'd had lots and lots of sex that he dropped out of the story completely.

Woolsey maintained a neutral expression throughout Rodney's monologue. John's face was an imitation of cool from the first mention of the bathtub rescue. Miko nodded along in back, demonstrating her attention without meeting his eyes. Lorne and Teyla both watched his face, and each raised an eyebrow when Rodney said he'd hidden his origin in an alternate universe for three days after he'd deduced the situation to his own satisfaction. Radek and Carson nodded sympathetically when Rodney admitted their counterparts had confronted him and laid out evidence of his deceit. Ronon handed him a fruit cup and a chocolate pudding cup when he finished talking.

Rodney started on the pudding first.

"Your counterpart," Woolsey said at the end, "Working with Drs. Zelenka and Kusanagi, suggested that we turn off the person swapping feature upon your return but leave the weather distributing feature enabled. Would you concur with that assessment?"

"That's what I would have advised both sides to do, but I wasn't asked. At the time I left, they were fairly distrustful of the whole system, having done no research on it prior to my arrival and having concluded that the malfunction had occurred in our universe. However, their Radek will probably side with their Rodney, now that previous problem with the system is fixed. Oh, and we discovered an interesting and somewhat related transporter technology in the formerly flooded dining hub. Have our military types cleaned that up in this universe yet?"

Woolsey cleared his throat. "It sounds like we will all have an interesting time tomorrow. Formal debrief at 1100." With that he nodded and left. Lorne trailed behind him, and the others drifted to talk by the door.

"Teyla, could I ask you something?" Rodney started but didn't know how to continue.

Teyla stepped closer and said, "What is it?"

"Doesn't it seem like if I call you Teyla then you should call me Rodney?"

"Your people use reasoning that is somewhat inscrutable to me in determining address. I am happy to call you by whatever name or title you prefer I use."

"You called him Rodney, didn't you?"

"As he asked me to."

"Would it be awkward to call me Rodney now?"

Teyla leaned forward to touch foreheads while she gripped his arms, "I would be pleased to, Rodney." She stood again. "Sometime I would like to hear more about your experiences in the other universe. Ronon and I spent a great deal of time with your counterpart." Ronon stepped closer at this mention. "Have you seen the movie _Top Gun_?"

Rodney shook his head.

"John recommended it but did not have time to watch it with us." Teyla tilted her head and held Rodney's gaze. "Perhaps we could watch it together next team movie night. Then you and John could explain what your people see in it, and we could share the other Rodney's opinions and ours, as outsiders to your culture."

"Wow, you bonded with him." Rodney tried not to sound accusatory, but it brought back unwanted memories from when his team and his sister had all seemed to prefer Rod to him. The empty place inside ached a bit, but Rodney looked around and reminded himself he was home.

"You were in our thoughts always, and we cared for him as we hoped our counterparts were caring for you. He even brought to our attention some luxury items from Cassia that he enjoyed, and perhaps you would too. There are bath products we might be able to trade for, and I have some roasted beans that make a beverage John and the other Rodney described as a 'white chocolate version of hot chocolate.'"

Rodney couldn't help but smile, even if he was still a little jealous. "I don't suppose he told you about any products from a place called Lumiar."

Ronon let out a coarse laugh that he disguised as a cough when he covered his mouth. John gave them a look but still hung back.

"What?" Rodney asked.

Teyla only smiled and raised her eyebrows.

Ronon stepped closer, "You want something from Lumiar, I can probably get it. We'll talk later."

Rodney would have been embarrassed, but that was as close as Ronon ever came to treating him like one of the guys. He was curious to find out what sort of reputation Lumiar had and what other products they traded. It startled him to realize there might be several interesting _conversations with Ronon_ in his future.

As Ronon turned away, Radek rushed forward and opened his computer. Miko followed with a datapad.

Rodney licked the last chocolate pudding from his spoon and started on his fruit cup.

"Your personal laptops have been returned to your quarters. You will want to reset general password and password for extra projects folder on your white laptop."

Rodney scowled around a mouthful of fruit.

"Your counterpart agreed to give them, only to me. I cannot believe you used scientists' birthdays. You should probably change any others you have based on such things if you do not want me to use that insight to hack in if you are ever missing or compromised in the future. Some of my notes were added to your file on specialized environmental controls. We will send other relevant files from Miko and myself now." Radek typed as he spoke.

"So Miko, you worked on this here?" Rodney asked.

"Yes, your alternate was not allowed access to the Atlantis network. When Radek was electrocuted and later with his hand bandaged, I was called in to work with you." She paused and looked to the side. "Your alternate insisted you must think about requesting tea for me even if you never say it, because he claims your brain is too observant and has too many thoughts to not think of that at least sometimes. Was he correct?" Miko smiled in a way Rodney hadn't seen in a while.

Rodney nodded. "It would be impossible not to notice that you are the only recalcitrant minion in my lab who does not drink coffee."

"But you would not wish to damage your reputation as a thoughtless and fearsome genius?"

"It seems to work for me. But at this point, I may you at least a few cups of tea." Rodney studied the bandage on Radek's hand for the first time. "That was the power surge very early Friday morning."

"The power came from their system?"

Rodney nodded. "I'm sorry you were hurt."

"I'm sure you would have prevented it if you'd been allowed to consult before then."

Rodney held up his own still bandaged hand. "I made the same mistake myself."

"Circumstances prevented us from learning from it. The other you spotted the burnt wire, so he did help quite a bit once allowed."

"So you never got annoyed with him?"

"I would not go that far."

"Should I be jealous?"

"Not of him." Radek's gaze flicked briefly to where Carson was currently working on the far side of the infirmary.

"Oh good, now I don't have to owe you anymore."

Radek started cleaning his glasses, a sure sign he needed time to frame a reply. Rodney chuckled.

"What did you find in the dining hub?" Radek asked without looking up.

"I can reconstruct my notes. It's a transporter technology similar to Wraith culling beams."

"Wraith?"

"Clearly Ancient based. I don't understand the foundations, but I think we could use the storage devices to stockpile prepared food then transport back pancakes or salad without the mushrooms on request."

"You could exclude citrus."

Rodney basked in the friendly insight and felt a surge of relief as Radek leaned against the bed, open laptop forgotten in his hands.

"I wrote a test program for that. We could also store frozen desserts and soft serve. That should please the military minions."

"Are you insulting my people?" John asked as he approached from across the room.

Rodney tilted his head to imply "of course" even if he hadn't been this time.

Miko nodded, "I should be going. Take care."

"I'll see you in the morning," Radek said. Then he turned to John with a glance not unlike the one he'd given Carson earlier. Rodney would have appreciated the silent hint even without Radek saying to John, "I trust you'll see him home and make sure all his confiscated items have been returned."

"You sure we want that mess back on his shelves?"

As Radek smiled and left, Rodney protested, "I'll hold you personally responsible if a single candy bar is missing."

"If anyone took your chocolate, it was basically you. Besides, you hide most of it in your labs, and he wasn't allowed there."

"Another justification for my strategic distribution, and how do you know where I keep my chocolate?"

John raised both eyebrows and tilted his head toward the door. "Doc says you're free to go."

Rodney looked over at Carson and received only a smile and a wave.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Rodney hopped off the bed, already fully dressed with his single shoe.

"Far be it from me to interrupt scientific discourse."

"Except anytime you want a city system checked, a jumper repaired—"

"Those are science, too."

As they walked down the hall, Rodney couldn't help missing the casual touches from the other universe. He wished he knew if John had become involved with Rodney's counterpart or merely learned about his interest. "Or anytime you want to get dinner or race cars—"

"Essentials of life."

They reached Rodney's quarters, and John followed him in.

John glanced around the room, suddenly quiet. "Anything seem to be missing?

Rodney looked at the pile on his desk, returned electronics and other items all in a heap. It reminded him of the view over the other John's shoulder just before he was swapped back. Suddenly, Rodney needed to know exactly how much Radek's glance at John in the infirmary had implied.

"I guess you know our alternates are a couple in the other universe."

"Yeah, you sort of blurted that out first thing, in front of Woolsey and everyone."

"That wasn't me. I never told them we weren't involved here. I just went along whatever they believed."

"So, I trust you had a good time?" John looked away from Rodney and started to fiddle with a half dismantled hot plate from the pile on Rodney's desk.

"Very. Did you?"

John's face softened. "He told us all you played piano, that you won awards in Canada as a kid. Did you?"

"Yeah, they have a piano on that Atlantis now."

"We have one here. He played for us."

"Oh." Now it was Rodney's turn to look away, to study the bandage on his hand. He had been ready to confront John about sex, but he didn't know what to say about piano. Part of him wanted to play again, but he didn't want to compete with his other self on that.

Suddenly John was standing right in front of him. "I wished it was you."

Rodney looked up, and John kissed him.

This John didn't brush across Rodney's lips or know where all the hot spots were behind Rodney's teeth. His lips were a little more chapped than the other John's, but when they settled on Rodney's mouth they were warm and gentle. Rodney repositioned a little and sucked on John's lower lip until he let Rodney's tongue slip in. Then Rodney explored behind John's teeth, seeking out good reactions. He thrust along John's tongue. John pulled him into a full body hug so tight their erections rubbed through their clothes.

John took a step back, "Is this too fast?"

"It's been six years."

"You knew?"

"No, but I would have said yes any time."

John pushed him down to the bed and Rodney lost himself in the feel of John's body pressing against him as they explored each other's mouths with more kisses. At some point his genius brain decided they were both wearing too much clothing. He removed John's jacket without breaking the kiss. When he pulled John's shirt up and off, John stared down at him with wide dilated eyes and Rodney remembered the other John tied down on the bed.

"Let me," was all Rodney said before he grabbed John's wrists and rolled them so John was beneath him. "Hold still for a sec while I undress us."

John kept his hands in place but said, "I don't want to take forever this time."

"No problem," Rodney breathed against John's cock as he pulled John's BDUs and boxers off in one motion. Then he stripped himself and moved between John's legs to demonstrate his genius blowjob skills.

John groaned as Rodney sucked over the crown and traced every ridge and crevice with his tongue.

"God, Rodney."

Rodney sucked down a couple inches then dragged his lips as he looked up to see John's face. John was staring down at him, lips slightly parted, expression open and wanting.

Catching his eyes John said, "I never thought you'd do this. I wanted to so much."

Rodney responded by sucking down to John's balls, letting the tip of John's cock dig into his throat then pulling back slow and wet with his tongue stroking the vein underneath.

John was gasping out short quick breaths, almost undone already. Rodney thought about trying to make it last, but John had said he didn't want to take too long this time. Rodney wondered what John's experiences with the other Rodney had been like, but he didn't dare worry about that now. He stroked lightly around John's balls and a little behind as he worked up a rhythm taking John as deep as he could while still using his tongue.

When he felt John's balls start to pull up, Rodney let himself go all the way down and started swallowing. John screamed and Rodney felt his own body pulsing in time to his own swallows and John's screams.

John collapsed and Rodney eased his mouth off, licking gently to clean up, and still teasing with his fingers along John's perineum.

"Go ahead and fuck me now."

Rodney's cock jumped at the notion, but he wasn't sure what John meant by the way he said it. There was something weirdly fascinating about staring at a sated John while still very much aroused himself. His senses were all hyperaware. He could taste John in his mouth and throat. The room smelled of both their sweat and sex. John's scream still rang in Rodney's ears even as the breathing of the man on the bed became more regular. Rodney watched the breaths go in and out and his fingers stroked from John's balls to his hole with the same rhythm.

John opened his eyes. "Don't you want to?"

Rodney used his free hand to stroke John's face. "Yeah, but it doesn't have to be today. I'm not sure what's been going on with you or what you really want right now."

"I want you. Any way and every way. I don't understand the last couple days, but they were good. I barely understand the last six years. I swear I won't freak out or get tired of you. Please, I really want you inside me, just like this."

It was like John tied up, saying things Rodney could never have imagined, but so perfectly John. Rodney leaned over to kiss him slow and deep. He realized he was trying to answer John's eloquence. For once Rodney was the one without words.

He reached into the nightstand for lube.

As he worked his first finger around John's hole, Rodney saw this John had bruises on his sides, too. It seemed strange that he hadn't known before. Now that he knew, he had to trace around the edge and stroke this John's sides. When John shivered the way Rodney had been almost certain he would, Rodney slid a finger deep inside and found John's prostate. He circled around as John began to moan and quiver. He added another finger inside and let his other hand stray from John's side to his nipples.

"I don't think I can get hard again yet."

"Do you want me to stop or hurry up?"

John shook his head, eyes fixed on Rodney's.

"Let me know if something I do is annoying or too sensitive."

John nodded and his eyes rolled back as his body writhed in pleasure even while his cock lay spent. Something about watching John like that, touching John like that, filled up the empty, lonely space inside Rodney. Some unnamed part of himself that had been frustrated or ashamed all his life needed this, John wanton and trusting and his.

Rodney wasn't sure how long it had been when John's cock started to twitch and fill again. Rodney's mouth salivated until he leaned forward to suck the easy mouthful in. He shifted a third finger inside John at the same time and started twisting right over John's prostate.

John squeaked and said, "Now, please, in me."

Suddenly, Rodney couldn't wait a moment longer. He pushed a mound of disordered blanket under John's back and ass to make the angle easier, then he pushed in and waited. John shifted his hips, pushing back at Rodney, and Rodney started pounding in. It was all he could do to adjust until he found the right angle. Then as John let out a high pitched whine, Rodney wrapped his slicked up hand around John's cock and moved them both to the rhythm pounding in his skull.

Soon they were panting in unison and Rodney wanted to tell John to come if he could, because he wasn't going to last. But the words never came. Instead John came, jerking warm and wet in Rodney's hand. The same jerking squeezed Rodney's cock, and he came inside John until he thought it would never stop.

He pulled out at the end and flopped to the side, but he couldn't make himself move to clean them up.

#

When Rodney next opened his eyes, John was climbing out of bed.

"Don't leave," Rodney said before he was truly awake.

"I need to shower. You can join me or I'll bring you back a washcloth."

Rodney didn't think he had the strength to move, but watching John walking away from him proved sufficient motivation. He followed John into a comfortingly warm shower and they both leaned against each other, letting the water do the work. At some point John's hand moved through the hair on each of their chests and down around their groins. It was a simple carding through without any intent to arouse. Rodney's sleepy brain remembered being ashamed about intimate touching after sex. The memory seemed like a relic from long ago with no sense to it at all now.

He kissed whatever wet bit of John's skin was nearest his mouth.

John laughed and must have thought the water off, because it stopped. Then John wrapped a towel around him and said, "Dry off, or at least don't fall over. I'll change the sheets and we'll go back to bed."

Rodney realized his eyes were closed and left them that way.

When John dragged him back to bed Rodney curled in front of him and felt a hand intertwine fingers with his own. The clean sheets under him and clean skin against his own felt smooth and welcoming. John whispered sleepily, "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere."


End file.
